SNL Transcripts: Jaime Pressley: 10/07/06



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 2


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


October 7th, 2006

Jaime Pressley

Corinne Bailey Rae

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An Address From Dennis HastertSummary: House Speaker Dennis Hastert (Darrell Hammond) comments on the Mark Foley scandal.

Transcript

MontageNote: The “Saturday Night Live” logo switches from horizontal to vertical, along with a change in the presentation of the musical guest and host photos.

Jaime Pressley’s MonologueSummary: Jaime Pressley attempts to deter the use of cliched Southern hick jokes so she can perform the Peggy Lee song “Fever.”

Recurring Characters: Colonel Sanders.

Bio: Jaime Pressley (1977-). Actress; twice posed for Playboy magazine; plays Jason Lee’s white trash ex-wife on NBC’s “My Name is Earl”; stars in the upcoming film, “DOA: Dead or Alive.”

Transcript

Headline Prime with Nancy GraceSummary: Nancy Grace (Amy Poehler) interrogates a former male page (Andy Samberg) who worked under Congressman Mark Foley, a Microsoft operator (Jaime Pressley), and the nighttime janitor (Kenan Thompson) who might have moved her chair.

Recurring Characters: Nancy Grace.

Transcript

New York City StoriesSummary: Martin Scorcese (Fred Armisen) recalls famous street locations where he filmed his movies, while Rosie Perez (Amy Poehler) rambles incoherently.

Recurring Characters: Martin Scorcese.

Transcript

Jon BoviSummary: Record executive Jackie Downs (Jaime Pressley) endures a meeting with would-be rockers Jon Bovi (Jason Sudeikis, Will Forte), whose hits are little than reverse versions of 80’s hair metal fodder.

Transcript

WVIR NewsSummary: Michelle Dison (Kristin Wiig), a newly-divorced reporter, struggles through a live interview with, and a confused attraction to, Crystal Duggler (Jaime Pressley), the winner of the Hands on a Hard Body contest.

Recurring Characters: Gil, Michelle Dison.

Transcript

New York City Stories IISummary: Lou Reed (Fred Armisen) and Patti Smith (Amy Poehler) recall the rock music at CBGB’s and odd places where they paid rent.

Transcript

St. Ambrose AcademySummary: High school principal (Bill Hader) chides student Nicole (Jaime Pressley) for acting keeping her cell phone on during class, until Mrs. Hastings (Kenan Thompson), her black stepmom, arrives to offer support and understanding.

Recurring Characters: Mrs. Hastings.

Corinne Bailey Rae performs “Put Your Records On”Bio: Corinne Bailey Rae (1979-). Musician; born in Leeds, West Yorkshire, England; formed the all-female indie rock band Helen while a teenager; developed a proclivity for soul music while working in a jazz club during college.

Lyrics

Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth MeyersSummary: Peter O’Toole (Bill Hader) comments on Congressman Mark Foley’s post-scandal admission of alcoholism. Producer Charo (Maya Rudolph) and the young star (Fred Armisen) of NBC’s rip-off series “Fugly Betsy” comments on the show’s premise.

Recurring Characters: Peter O’Toole, Charo.

Transcript

NASCARettesSummary: Head NASCAR cheerleader (Jaime Pressley) leads her new recruits into performing their moves on the track during the race, but not all of them succeed in running out of the way as the cars perform their laps.

New York City Stories IIISummary: Fran Leibowitz (Fred Armisen) and Yoko Ono (Amy Poehler) wax poetic about the city.

Recurring Characters: Yoko Ono.

Big WigsSummary: Business executives (Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, Andy Samberg) are fearful that the corporate Big Wigs (Jaime Pressley, Amy Poehler) will step too close to the ceiling fan.

KuatoSummary: At a party, Claire (Jaime Pressley) is interested in Danny (Bill Hader) until the Kuato (Andy Samberg) from “Total Recall” bursts out of his chest.

Recurring Characters: Danny, Kuato, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Note: This sketch was cut from last week’s dress rehearsal.

Transcript

Corinne Bailey Rae performs “Like A Star”Lyrics

Cider ChatSummary: Next-door neighbors (Jaime Pressley, Kristen Wiig) dispense distasteful gossip while drinking cider on their back porch.

Transcript

A Moment with the Out-of-Breath Jogger From 1982Summary: In 1982, an exhausted jogger (Andy Samberg) spouts the era’s cliched jargon while panting breathlessly.

Note: The jogger is so out-of-breath that it’s making him delusional – Mikhael Gorbachev wouldn’t have had any friction with Ronald Reagan in 1982, as he wasn’t elected General Secretary of the Communist Party until 1985. Yuri Andropov is the more likely antagonist.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

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Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Sale-martSummary: To maintain its everyday low prices, the discount merchandising outlet proudly cuts corners on employee benefits.

The Jerry Springer ShowSummary: Jerry Springer (Darrell Hammond) welcomes a multiple repeat guest (Jaimie Pressley) with a sever grudge to the show.

Captain MorganSummary: Recovering alcoholic Captain Morgan (Bill Hader) serves spirits to party guests.

Campaign AdSummary: A politician (Bill Hader) masquerades as his opponent.

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