Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 2
06b: Jaime Pressley / Corinne Bailey Rae
Cider Chat
Neighbor #1…..Jaime Pressley
Neighbor #2…..Kristin Wiig
[ open on exterior, suburban front porch, night ]
[ truck forward to two women neighbors sitting on wicker furniture while sipping cider ]
Neighbor #2: Oh. It’s such a beautiful night tonight.
Neighbor #1: Mmm. I love Fall, a nice cup of hot cider, and a good friend.
Neighbor #2: I can’t wait to get a pumpkin!
[ they sip their cider ]
Neighbor #1: Mmm. You know, I ran into Sally today.
Neighbor #2: Really?
Neighbor #1: She’s put on a ton of weight.
Neighbor #2: Oh, that’s too bad. That’s too bad.
Neighbor #1: I just hope she’s all right.
[ they sip their cider ]
Neighbor #2: Mmm! Cider is so good!
Neighbor #1: I used a cinnamon stick as a stirrer.
Neighbor #2: Oh.
[ they sip their cider ]
Neighbor #2: Mmm. Oh – well, I ran into Herb today.
Neighbor #1: Oh, really?
Neighbor #2: Yes. He said he was sober, but he didn’t smell like it.
Neighbor #1: You know, I saw him peeing on his front lawn. He was so drunk he threw up all over his own ding-dong.
Neighbor #2: [ smiles ] Oh, that’s Herb for you!
[ they sip their cider ]
Neighbor #1: Oh, I love the smell of Fall.
Neighbor #2: I kind of like the smell of my own farts.
[ they sip their cider ]
Neighbor #1: Oh! I know what I wanted to tell you! Janice found a bloody sweater in her husband’s trunk.
Neighbor #2: Again?
Neighbor #1: I guess our husbands aren’t so bad!
[ they laugh at the joke ]
Neighbor #1: I cut myself on purpose this morning.
[ they sip their cider ]
Neighbor #2: Mmm! I forgot about cider!
Neighbor #1: Me, too!
[ they smile, then sip more cider ]
Neighbor #2: I’m thinking about having a party for all the dogs in the neighborhood.
Neighbor #1: I had a dream where I was a feather with an alligator mouth.
Neighbor #2: My real name is Ronald.
Neighbor #1: I peed in the cider.
[ truck back, fade ]
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