SNL Transcripts: John C. Reilly: 10/21/06: McMillan Family Moment I


SNL Transcripts: John C. Reilly: 10/21/06: McMillan Family Moment I

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 3

06c: John C. Reilly / My Chemical Romance

McMillan Family Moment I

Mr. McMillan…..John C. Reilly
Jerry…..Andy Samberg

[Heartwarming Steel Magnolias-style music takes us from a split-level house exterior inside to the kitchen. A middle-aged dad and his teenaged son are sitting at a table. Each have a glass of milk with a plate of Oreos between them.]

Mr. McMillan: You see, Jerry, you can’t just eat it right away. Every family has its own system of eating Oreos, and I think it’s time I taught you the McMillan system that my dad taught me. First thing out of the gate: Hold the edges of the cookie with both hands. And then you give it a nice gentle twist. [demonstrates for his son] And when you pull them apart, you’re going to have a naked side, and a cream side. You see that?

Jerry: [unengaged] Yeah.

Mr. McMillan: Great. Then you’re gonna wanna scrape the cream with your teeth, straight down the middle like a snow shovel. [does so] Mmm, see? Like this. Mmm. Now just enjoy that cream for a minute. Mmm, nice. Now, what you want to do is put the two halves back together and then we move into what I call, “the dunking phase”.

Jerry: Can’t I just eat it?

Mr. McMillan: [angrily throws the Oreo on the table] Yeah. [music stops] Eat it. Go ahead, eat ’em all. [throws the Oreos on the plate at him] Choke ’em down. There. There! [stands up] How dare I try to teach my son a family tradition?!

Jerry: I’m kinda old for that, Dad!

Mr. McMillan: [in Jerry’s face] Oh, yeah, I blew it! Who wants to know about their own family?! That’s boring! You know what? Why don’t you just make up some new traditions, like sitting on your ass! [Jerry shifts in his chair] Playing video games and downloading rock songs on the iTube! Do your thing.

Jerry: — can I go now?

Mr. McMillan: You make the rules, you tell me! [Jerry leaves] Yeah, have fun telling your mother what an ass I am.

[music starts again over a title card which reads:]

Female Narrator: This has been a McMillan Family Moment.

Submitted by: Joy

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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