Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 4
Linder & Bowles
Linder…..Fred Armisen
Bowles…..Hugh Laurie
Rebecca…..Amy Poehler
[Opens with shot of fancy buildings on a metropolitancity. Cut to an office. Linder & Bowles conduct a jobinterview. Bowles sits behind a desk reading a resume,Linder casually sits on top of the desk. Attractiveblond businesswoman sits in front of them]
Bowles: Your resume looks great, Rebecca.
Linder: Oh, yeah. You are more than qualified.
Rebecca: Thank you. I’m just happy to be considered.
Linder: You should be. Linder & Bowles its thelargest, most powerful full service law firm inConnecticut.
Rebecca: Oh, I know.
Bowles: So it says here that you went to Columbia?
Rebecca: I studied economics, yes.
Linder: Economics, mmmm.
Bowles: Then you moved to Illinois. Where were you?
Rebecca: Schaumberg.
Bowles: Mmmm. Sounds fancy.
Rebecca: It was ok. I was just working for aninsurance company.
Bowles: Oh, really? What did you do there?
Rebecca: Legal assistant.
Linder: Legal assistant? Oooooooeeeeeoooohh!!!!
Bowles: Legal assistant.
Rebecca: Yeah, my duties were answering phones andfiling.
Linder: Oooooeeeeeooooohh!!!
Rebecca: It wasn’t a big deal. Just secretarialstuff.
Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeooooohh!!!! Now tell us, whatqualifications you feel you’ll bring to our firm?
Rebecca: Well, let’s see. I’m bright.
Linder & Bowles: Oooooooeeeeeoooohh!!!!
Rebecca: And I’m a quick study.
Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeoooohh!!!
Rebecca: I’m a people person.
Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeooooohh!!!
Rebecca: I’m focused.
Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeoooohh!!!
Rebecca: Oh, lets see. What else? Oh, yeah. I’mpunctual.
Linder & Bowles: Oooooeeeeoooohh!!!
Rebecca: Conscientious.
Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeooooohh!!!
Rebecca: Good with clients.
Linder & Bowles: Oooooooeeeeoooohh!!!
Rebecca: I listen—
Linder & Bowles: Oooooeeeooooohh!!!
Rebecca: —and ok, that’s it. That’s it.
Bowles: That’s it? Come on, Rebecca. Just tell us onemore positive thing about yourself.
Rebecca: One more thing?
Linder: Yes, please.
Rebecca: Umm…[Linder & Bowles eagerly wait for it,mouths puckered for their childish “Oooooeeeooohh!!”]I really don’t mind working long—-
Linder & Bowles: Oooooooeeeeooooohh!!!
Rebecca: —hours.
Linder & Bowles: Oooooeeeoooohh!!!
Rebecca: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. That, that thing thatyou’re doing.
Linder: What’s that?
Rebecca: That “Ooooooeeeeoooohh!!!” Is that a goodthing?
Linder: Yes, yeah.
Rebecca: Oh, ok. Great, so I guess—
[Phone rings]
Bowles: Excuse me.[picks up]This is Bowles.Oooooooeeeeooooohh!!! Oooooooeeeeooohh!! Indictment.Oooooeeeeeeoooooohh!!! Ok, I’ll put him on.[passesphone to Linder]
Linder: Howard Linder. What?! Oooooooeeeeeeooooohh!!Ok. Bye-bye.[hangs up]
Bowles: Well….
Rebecca: Ok, well…
Bowles: You’re hired. Welcome to Linder & Bowles.
Rebecca: Oh, my God! I’m gonna be working at Linder &Bowles! Oooooooeeeeeooooohh!!
[It goes horribly wrong]
Linder: I’m sorry, what was that?
Rebecca: Ooooooeeeoooohh!! You know, oooeeeooohh.
Bowles: Are you being sarcastic?
Linder: Yeah, it sounds like you’re making fun of usor something.
Rebecca: No, no,no, I was just excited, ooohhh.
Bowles: You know, Rebecca. I think we are going tohave to do a little more thinking on this. I’m sorry.
Rebecca: Oh, wow, ok, me too.
Linder: Just get out. Go! Get out! yeah, get out.Walk! There you go.
[Stunned Rebecca gets up and leaves]
Rebecca: I know how to walk.
Linder: There you go. Well, that’s a shame.
Bowles: Damn shame.
Linder: What are you doing for lunch?
Bowles: How about Casa Mexicana?
Linder & Bowles: Ooooooooeeeeeeoooooohh!!!!
[Cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel
This is a great resource. Thanks for putting it together!