SNL Transcripts: Hugh Laurie: 10/28/06: Linder & Bowles

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 4





06d: Hugh Laurie / Beck

Linder & Bowles

Linder…..Fred Armisen
Bowles…..Hugh Laurie
Rebecca…..Amy Poehler

[Opens with shot of fancy buildings on a metropolitancity. Cut to an office. Linder & Bowles conduct a jobinterview. Bowles sits behind a desk reading a resume,Linder casually sits on top of the desk. Attractiveblond businesswoman sits in front of them]

Bowles: Your resume looks great, Rebecca.

Linder: Oh, yeah. You are more than qualified.

Rebecca: Thank you. I’m just happy to be considered.

Linder: You should be. Linder & Bowles its thelargest, most powerful full service law firm inConnecticut.

Rebecca: Oh, I know.

Bowles: So it says here that you went to Columbia?

Rebecca: I studied economics, yes.

Linder: Economics, mmmm.

Bowles: Then you moved to Illinois. Where were you?

Rebecca: Schaumberg.

Bowles: Mmmm. Sounds fancy.

Rebecca: It was ok. I was just working for aninsurance company.

Bowles: Oh, really? What did you do there?

Rebecca: Legal assistant.

Linder: Legal assistant? Oooooooeeeeeoooohh!!!!

Bowles: Legal assistant.

Rebecca: Yeah, my duties were answering phones andfiling.

Linder: Oooooeeeeeooooohh!!!

Rebecca: It wasn’t a big deal. Just secretarialstuff.

Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeooooohh!!!! Now tell us, whatqualifications you feel you’ll bring to our firm?

Rebecca: Well, let’s see. I’m bright.

Linder & Bowles: Oooooooeeeeeoooohh!!!!

Rebecca: And I’m a quick study.

Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeoooohh!!!

Rebecca: I’m a people person.

Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeooooohh!!!

Rebecca: I’m focused.

Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeoooohh!!!

Rebecca: Oh, lets see. What else? Oh, yeah. I’mpunctual.

Linder & Bowles: Oooooeeeeoooohh!!!

Rebecca: Conscientious.

Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeooooohh!!!

Rebecca: Good with clients.

Linder & Bowles: Oooooooeeeeoooohh!!!

Rebecca: I listen—

Linder & Bowles: Oooooeeeooooohh!!!

Rebecca: —and ok, that’s it. That’s it.

Bowles: That’s it? Come on, Rebecca. Just tell us onemore positive thing about yourself.

Rebecca: One more thing?

Linder: Yes, please.

Rebecca: Umm…[Linder & Bowles eagerly wait for it,mouths puckered for their childish “Oooooeeeooohh!!”]I really don’t mind working long—-

Linder & Bowles: Oooooooeeeeooooohh!!!

Rebecca: —hours.

Linder & Bowles: Oooooeeeoooohh!!!

Rebecca: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. That, that thing thatyou’re doing.

Linder: What’s that?

Rebecca: That “Ooooooeeeeoooohh!!!” Is that a goodthing?

Linder: Yes, yeah.

Rebecca: Oh, ok. Great, so I guess—

[Phone rings]

Bowles: Excuse me.[picks up]This is Bowles.Oooooooeeeeooooohh!!! Oooooooeeeeooohh!! Indictment.Oooooeeeeeeoooooohh!!! Ok, I’ll put him on.[passesphone to Linder]

Linder: Howard Linder. What?! Oooooooeeeeeeooooohh!!Ok. Bye-bye.[hangs up]

Bowles: Well….

Rebecca: Ok, well…

Bowles: You’re hired. Welcome to Linder & Bowles.

Rebecca: Oh, my God! I’m gonna be working at Linder &Bowles! Oooooooeeeeeooooohh!!

[It goes horribly wrong]

Linder: I’m sorry, what was that?

Rebecca: Ooooooeeeoooohh!! You know, oooeeeooohh.

Bowles: Are you being sarcastic?

Linder: Yeah, it sounds like you’re making fun of usor something.

Rebecca: No, no,no, I was just excited, ooohhh.

Bowles: You know, Rebecca. I think we are going tohave to do a little more thinking on this. I’m sorry.

Rebecca: Oh, wow, ok, me too.

Linder: Just get out. Go! Get out! yeah, get out.Walk! There you go.

[Stunned Rebecca gets up and leaves]

Rebecca: I know how to walk.

Linder: There you go. Well, that’s a shame.

Bowles: Damn shame.

Linder: What are you doing for lunch?

Bowles: How about Casa Mexicana?

Linder & Bowles: Ooooooooeeeeeeoooooohh!!!!

[Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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