SNL Transcripts: Alec Baldwin: 11/11/06: Brazilian Bar

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 5

06e: Alec Baldwin / Christina Aguilera

Brazilian Bar

Rick Corman….Alec Baldwin
Bossa Nova Male Singer….Fred Armisen
Bossa Nova Female Singer….Maya Rudolph
Girl at the bar….Kristen Wiig
Guy with date at table….Andy Samberg
Blondie at table….Amy Poehler

[Opens with an exotic bar, two bossa nova singersentertain the crowd. Female singer shakes some sort oftambourine, male singer plays that guitar. Suave,middle age Rick Corwin struts to the bar. He has grayhead of hair and gray moustache. Dashing impeccablewhite suit]

Rick Corman: Ah, music. The language of “amore”. Thatmoves me. Hi, I’m Rick Corvin. First time in Brazil?He, he, he.[the girl is uncomfortable]I came here 20years ago and never left. I don’t know how to put thisbut your body is….what’s the word? “Slammin'” Oh,turns out I did know what word. Do you model? Well,you should. Cause in my mind you’re modeling for meright now. Click! I just took a picture in my mind andguess what? You’re topless. And bottomless.[Girl hasenough. Gets ready to throw her drink in his face, heholds up his palms]It’s a white suit!

[puts the drink down, slaps him in the face] [Bossa nova singers keep playing “da da da de de”]

Rick Corman: [joins couple at their table]Hi, I’m RickCorvin. Rio via Des Moines I.A. God, I love this song.Do you know what they’re singing about? Neither doI.[loud whistle is heard, Alec looks and continues,Maya and Fred stifle laughs] I like to imagine isabout jiggling boobies.[the girl leaves the table]Isthat your lady? Nice going, my friend. I’m not sayingI want to get it on with your girlfriend but someonewho looks exactly like your girlfriend. And I meanexactly. Are you bi?

[guy throws the drink in Rick face and suit] [Bossa Nova singers continue”da da da de de”. Rickjoins blondie at her table]

Rick Corman: You know, when I hear this music it’simpossible not to think of 2 souls connecting. Hi, I’mRick Corvin. I’m from room 112. You know what part ofa woman I like best? And I’m not kidding about this.The vagina. No, no…[The blondie throws a bowl ofchips and salsa all over Rick’s white suit. Rick joinsthe Bossa Nova singers on stage with his now stainedsuit and shakes a maraca next to the female singer]

Female Singer: How did the crowd work go, Rick?

Rick Corman: A lot of beautiful people out there tonight.

[fade] [cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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