Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 5
[ open on married couple sitting together on the couch in their living room ]
Wife: When my gynecologist told me I had genital herpes, I was confused. We’d been married for over twelve years, and had always tested negative for STDs.
Husband: But then I read about a recent scientific study. It said some forms of genital herpes remain dormant in women for ten or fifteen years – but, oftentimes, the virus went undetected in tests.
Wife: That would explain a lot. It made little sense to me that two married people without any history of genital herpes, could then suddenly be infected.
Husband: But then I explained it, that that was the end of it, and there was no need to talk about it any more. [ smiles ]
Wife: Our doctor told us about Valtrex, which lowers the chance of passing the virus during sex. At first, I didn’t think it mattered, because we both already had the virus and neither one of us was planning to go outside the marriage for sex.
Husband: So true! Here’s where you really just need to trust your doctor, and to not get all “caught up” in the logic. Even if you don’t have multiple partners —
Wife: Like us!
Husband: — it’s a good idea to use Valtrex.
Husband: Because it’s important. That’s why. [ wraps his arm around her ] There’s really no need to overthink it. Is there?
Wife: [ smiles confusedly ]
[ cut to overhead shot of product superimposed over scene of husband and wife in their living room ]
Announcer: Ask your husband if you need Valtrex. He may know more than your doctor. Doctors don’t know everything.
[ fade ]