SNL Transcripts: Ludacris: 11/18/06: Ludacris’ Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 6

06f: Ludacris

Ludacris’ Monologue

Ricdiculous…..Kenan Thompson

Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen – Chris “Lou-day-chris” Bridges.

[ the audience cheers ]

Ludacris: Thank you very much. Well, well, well – it’s about damn time! This is my first time hosting “SNL”, and I must say it is an honor. A’ight? Now, some of you may know me as Chris Bridges from the movie “Crash.” A’ight? [ audience applauds ] Though, most of you know me as Ludacris, whose album, Release Therapy, just happened to go platinum just last week. [ audience cheers ]

See now, of course, I learned the hard way that when someone asks your name, you know, you don’t always say Ludacris.

For example – I’ll give you an example: if I meet a girl at a club, my name is Ludacris; but when I meet her parents, it’s Chris Bridges. A’ight?

When I’m in a studio, it’s always Ludacris; but when I’m applying for a bank loan, I tend to stick with Chris Bridges.

If I’m stopped by the cops, I’m Chris Bridges; If I’m stopped by a black cop, I’m Ludacris. [ audience laughs and cheers ]

Now, you know, I chose the name Ludacris because, you know, that’s how I flow. That’s my style. It’s original, and it’s one-hundred per cent Ludacris. Believe me when I tell you —

Voice: Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!

[ a fellow rapper, dressed as his own persona, joins Ludacris on stage ]

Ricdiculous: Say – original? I beg to differ!

Ludacris: Everybody, this is Rick Barnes. We grew up together in Atlanta, Georgia.[ kisses his fingertips and holds it in front of Ludacris’ face ] What’s my name, yo?

Ludacris: Rick Barnes.

Ricdiculous: Ah – no! What’s my name?

Ludacris: Rick Barnes.

Ricdiculous: Ah – uh-uh! It’s — ? [ holds his hand up to his ear ]

Ludacris: [ surrenders ] Ricdiculous.

Ricdiculous: Shyeah! Ricdiculous! Yeah, you know you straight up stole my style, son! Yo! Can I get a beat?!

Ludacris: No, you cannot! Now, can you get off the stage, please?

Ricdiculous: Oh, that’s cool, that’s cool – I’ll make one myself! [ makes beat sound effects, begins rapping ]“I’m Ricdiculous, and I’m here to say:
I’m the best rapper in the USA!”

Ludacris: Hold on, hold – wait, wait, wat. Why are you dressed like that, man?

Ricdiculous: Well, obviously, I have an interview. A job interview. It’s at a combination Taco Bell-Pizza Hut, so, techincally, it was two interviews!

Ludacris: Look, look – I know we grew up together, but this is ridiculous —

Ricdiculous: That’s right! Ricdiculous in da house! Yeaaaaahhhhh!! Oh! [ holds up his hand ] Can I get a hand? No? I can’t get it? None of that? That’s cool. [ lowers his hand ]

Ludacris: This is not the best time, okay? You see, I’m trying to do my —

Ricdiculous: Oh! Oh! Oh! My fault! My fault! I forgot – you BIG tme now! You can’t talk to an old friend.

Ludacris: Fine – what do you want to talk about, man? Huh? What do you want to —

[ cell phone rings ]

Ricdiculous: Oh, snap! Hold that thought, brother – I am going off! Whoo! [ pulls out oversized cell phone and stretches the antenna out as far as it can go ] Uh-huh? Yeah. Yeah, that’s fantastic! Okay, you won’t regret this! [ hangs up his cell phone ] Man! Looks like somebody don’t need a job after-rall, brother! That was NWA!

Ludacris: What? The NWA hasn’t been together since ’91.

Ricdiculous: Well, I meant NWA as in North West airlines. Yeah, they hired me as a baggage handler. Newark, Terminal C, y’all!

Ludacris: Alright, look, we got a great show tonight, Ludacris is here —

Ricdiculous: Ricdiculous!

Ludacris: Stick around, we’ll be right back!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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