Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 7
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
December 2nd, 2006
Matthew Fox
Tenacious D
None
Jason Reed
Emily Spivey
An NBC Special ReportSummary: President George W. Bush (Jason Sudeikis) holds a press conference with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki (Fred Armisen) and his translator (Will Forte).
Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.
Montage
Matthew Fox’s MonologueSummary: Matthew Fox explains to the audience how his life fell apart years earlier when he was the only “Party of Five” co-star who didn’t get to host “SNL” during its prime, not unlike stars like Matt LeBlanc and Michael Richards (Bill Hader).
Bio: Matthew Fox (1966-). Actor; starred in TV series “Party of Five” (1994-2004) and “Lost” (2004-).
Cameo: 06h.
Transcript
Sale-MartSummary: To maintain its everyday low prices, the discount merchandising outlet proudly cuts corners on employee benefits.
Note: This commercial parody has been cut from several dress rehearsals since the beginning of the season.
Transcript
Nancy GraceSummary: Nancy Grace (Amy Poehler) discusses Michael Richards’ racist tirade with a black college professor (Kenan Thompson) who obviously was not affected by it, gives her hypothetical review of O.J. Simpson’s cancelled TV special, then grills a police officer (Matthew Fox) who gave her a ticket for parking in a handicapped space.
Recurring Characters: Nancy Grace.
Transcript
Deep House DishSummary: DJ Dynasty Handbag (Kenan Thompson) dishes on the club music scene with new co-host, T’Shane (Andy Samberg).
Recurring Characters: DJ Dynasty Handbag, T’Shane.
Elevator RideSummary: Matthew Fox is bombarded with questions and comments about “Lost” when fans discover his presence in an elevator.
Tenacious D perform “Kickapoo”First Performed: 97s.
Lyrics
Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth MeyersSummary: To deter racism, Jesse Jackson (Darrell Hammond) and Al Sharpton (Kenan Thompson) make “Kramer” the new derogatory term for black people. Amy Poehler’s Aunt Linda (Kristin Wiig) reviews recent films that were released after Thanksgiving. Amy Poehler comments on Britney Spears’ continued downward slide. Whitney Houston’s (Maya Rudolph) commentary about her financial troubles is interrrupted by prank calls on her cell phone.
Recurring Characters: Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Aunt Linda, Whitney Houston.
Crazy Mountain ManSummary: All the crazy mountain man (Matthew Fox) wants is a piece of pie, but, failing that, he’ll settle for a kiss from a pair of pretty mountain ladies (Amy Poehler, Kristin Wiig). Fox cooperates with the script until he realizes that Amy, Kristen, and sketch writer Emily Spivey are stringing him along for a kiss.
Math vs. HistorySummary: History buff parents (Will Forte, Kristin Wiig) take it hard when their son (Andy Samberg) switches his college major to Math.
The Mayan Empire
Tenacious D perform “The Metal”Note: The metal monster is played by Jason Reed.
Lyrics
GoodnightsTranscript
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Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Dry EyesSummary: The game show where the winners don’t cave in to their emotions and cry.
Note: This sketch will air on the episode hosted by Justin Timberlake in two weeks.
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Andy Samberg stars in a series of movie trailers.
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: The boss (Fred Armisen) of a fast food restaurant suffers anger management issues as he gives his employees a “Pep Talk.”
Note: This Digital Short will air on next week’s episode hosted by Annette Bening.
Condom AdSummary: Soap opera stars Michael Park and Kim Zimmer talk about the condoms they use during sex scenes.
Recording SessionSummary: Jack Black is distracted during a recording session by thoughts of his van.
Buyer BewareSummary: Mason Lemmings (Kenan Thompson) and his neighbor Trudy (Maya Rudolph) host a consumer affairs program in their garage, warning local Brooklyn residents about what products not to waste their hard-earned money on while shopping for Christmas presents.
Note: This sketch will air on next week’s episode hosted by Annette Bening.
Stock MarketSummary: In 1929, an investor (Darrell Hammond) praises the Stock Market the day before the crash that begat the Great Depression.
BrookstoneSummary: Two guys (Jason Sudeikis, Kenan Thompson) test the massage chairs at Brookstone.
