SNL Transcripts: Matthew Fox: 12/02/06: Sale-Mart


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 7

06g: Matthew Fox / Tenacious D


Manager…..Jason Sudeikis
Employee #1…..Fred Armisen
Employee #2…..Kenan Thompson
Female Employee…..Kristen Wiig

[ open on Sale-Mart manager standing in front of a bank of cash registers ]

Manager: Here at Sale-Mart, your big and friendly superstore, we’re ALL about low prices! Look! [ holds up a quesadilla maker in its box ] This quesadilla maker retails for $23.99. But you pay — [ smiley-face bounces on “Passin’ it along” price sticker marked $23.99, changes price to $19.26 ] 19.26! So, how do we do it? We ALL pitch in!

[ cut to two male employees stacking quesadilla maker boxes ]

Employee #1: We’ve only worked here for two years! Not enough to qualify for health insurance!

Employee #2: Or a dental plan! [ smiles to reveal crooked, misshapen teeth ] Passin’ the savings on to you!

[ cut to three foreign employees standing with cleaning equipment in a warehouse ]

Foreign Employees: We’re legal!!

[ cut to Female Employee raising a box over her head, as a co-worker climbs a ladder in the background while carrying a heavy box ]

Female Employee: Instead of getting Workman’s Comp, we just keep it careful! [ her co-worker promptly falls off the ladder, his legs twisting amongst the metal ] [ cut to Chinese employee building a quesadilla maker in a warehouse ]

Chinese Employee: [ speaking in Chinese: “I work hard for 16 hours a day, so you save money.” ] [ cut to full Sale-Mart staff holding boxes of quesadilla makers at the front of the store ]

Employees: That’s the Sale-Mart way!!

[ cut to Sale-Mart title graphic ]

Announcer: Sale-Mart.

[ Sale-Mart Manager pops in front of the graphic ]

Manager: Make sure to stop by our pharmacy, where generic prescription drugs.. [ raises hands and lets pills bounce to the floor ] are TWO handfuls for a DOLLAR!!

Announcer: Always the lowest price!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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