Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 8
Annette Bening’s Monologue
Female Audience Member 1…..Kristen Wiig
Female Audience Member 2…..Amy Poehler
Female Audience Member 3…..Maya Rudolph
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Annette Bening!
Annette Bening: Thank you! Thank you SO much! It’s – it’s a real thrill to be here! [ exhales ] You know, recently I did a film with Alec Baldwin, and — [ audience claps ] Yeah, Alec – he would always tell me – he would always say, “You just have to host “Saturday Night Live”, you will have the time of your life!” And he would then go on saying how good he was at it, and how many times he’d done it, and then how good he was at it again, and then, eventually, I’d have to pretend to get a phone call or something. But, anyway, the point is: I’m here, and I would like to take this time to connect with the audience, so, uh – if anyone has any questions? [ Female Audience Member 1 stands ] Oh.
Female Audience Member 1: Hi, I-I just wanted to say that I loved the crazy real estate character you played in “American Beauty.”
Annette Bening: [ flattered ] Oh, I don’t know if she was crazy — [ audience applauds ] Thanks! No. I think she was more.. complicated?
Female Audience Member 1: Oh. Oh, it came off as crazy. Really crazy.
Annette Bening: Oh. Okay. [ laughs ] Uh — [ sees Female Audience Member 2 stand ] Oh! Yes? You?
Female Audience Member 2: [ dressed in a Century 21 jacket ] Yeah, I have a question.
Annette Bening: Oh. Oh, are you a real estate agent?
Female Audience Member 2: [ peeved ] Yeah. Yeah, I am!
Annette Bening: Oh. Do you have a question?
Female Audience Member 2: Yes! I do! When you portray real estate agents as crazy, do you take into account how negatively it affects the thousands of female real estate agents in this country?
Annette Bening: Well, I-I can’t believe that-that the movies actually affect how people think about real estate agents.
Female Audience Member 2: [ a beat ] So, no, then?
Annette Bening: No – no, I-I didn’t take it into account, uh – uh, another question? [ looks around ] Please? Uh — [ Female Audience Member 3 raises her hand ] Oh.
Female Audience Member 3: Marnie Leonard, Re/Max Realty. When you played a real estate agent who cheated on her husband in “American Beauty”, did it occur to you that husbands of real estate agents would become suspicious and then investigate whether their real estate agent wives were cheating on them? In some cases, even discovering that they were, and then divorcing them?
Annette Bening: [ bewildered ] You know, I will be totlaly honest with you – that did not occur to me, but I am sorry —
Female Audience Member 3: [ nastily chipper ] Yeah.. yeah, okay. Well, I will be sure to pass that along to my kids, who I see on weekends and holidays.
Annette Bening: Oh, God —
[ Female Audience Member 1 stands again ]
Female Audience Member 1: Can I – can I just say one more thing?
Annette Bening: Oh. Sure.
Female Audience Member 1: I just wanted to say that I, too, am a real estate agent.
Annette Bening: Well, why didn’t you say so before?
Female Audience Member 1: Because your movies made me believe that was something to be ashamed of.
Male Voice: That is so ridiculous!
[ Alec Baldwin appears standing in the audience ]
Annette Bening: Alec!
[ the audience screams and hollars ]
Annette Bening: Alec, what are you doing here? My God! Wow!
[ the audience quiets down, Alec stands in silence ]
Annette Bening: What are you doing here?
Alec Baldwin: I live here. [ audience laughs ] I just wanted to point out that I also payed a real estate agent, rather famously, in the movie “Glengarry Glen Ross.”
Annette Bening: Oh, right. I remember.
[ the audience cheers their approval ]
Alec Baldwin: Of course, you’d remember that. But people often stop me in the street just to say how much they liked it, and, uh, many of them are real estate agents themselves, who tell me that it changed their lives for the better, and it’s.. a special feeling knowing you’ve changed people’s lives.
Annette Bening: Uh – what does any of this have to do with me?
Alec Baldwin: Uh, nothing, really. I just like talking about my film career. And I also wanted to say I thought it was great when you took your clothes off in “The Grifters” – that was fantastic! [ sits ]
Annette Bening: [ laughing ] Oh, thanks! Thanks so much. Well, we’ve got a great show – I don’t play a single real estate agent. Gwen Stefani and Akon are here, so stick around, we’ll be right back!