SNL Transcripts: Justin Timberlake: 12/16/06: The Barry Gibb Talk Show



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 9





06i: Justin Timberlake

The Barry Gibb Talk Show

Barry Gibb…..Jimmy Fallon
Robin Gibb…..Justin Timberlake
Sandra Day O’Connor…..Kristen Wiig
Thomas Freedman…..Fred Armisen
President Jimmy Carter…..Darrell Hammond

[FADE IN on Barry and Robin standing in white leisure suits with their backs to the camera in the foreground of a talk show set. Blue lights flicker while a disco ball twinkles in the background. The Bee Gees’ 1975 hit “Nights on Broadway” starts up as the audience squeals in approval.]

Announcer: [in a husky growl] It’s The Barry Gibb Talk Show!

[SUPERIMPOSE logo briefly, and then the brothers turn around and sing, with Barry on guitar.]

Barry and Robin Gibb: “Heeeeeere we are!”

Announcer: Tonight, Barry’s guests are:

Barry and Robin Gibb: “In a room full of straaaaaaangers…”

Announcer: From the New York Times, columnist Thomas Freedman!

Barry and Robin Gibb: “Discussin’ politics…”

Announcer: Former Supreme Court Justice:

Barry and Robin Gibb: “And the issues of the daaaaaaaa-ayyyyy…”

Announcer: Sandra Day O’Connor!

Barry and Robin Gibb: “And I want to taaaaaaaalk to you…”

Announcer: Former President Jimmy Carter!

Barry and Robin Gibb: “Though you may not waaaaaaant me to!”

Announcer: And as always:

Barry and Robin Gibb: “I’m still gonna taaaaaaaalk to you…”

Announcer: Barry’s brother Robin!

Barry and Robin Gibb: “I don’t care what you saaaaaaaaaaaaay!”

[Barry slips off his guitar, and the brothers start disco dancing.]

Barry and Robin Gibb: “Talkin’ it up,
On The Barry Gibb Taaaalk Sho-ow,
Talkin’ ’bout issues,
Talkin’ ’bout very important issues.
Talkin’ it up,
On The Barry Gibb Taaaalk Sho-ow,
Checkin’ out politics,
In this crazy, crazy tow-ow-ow-own!
Yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah…”

[SUPERIMPOSE logo again as the brothers dance to their seats. The lights come up, and the disco ball retracts into the ceiling.]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, your host: Barry Gibb!

[“Nights on Broadway” fades out as the Gibbs settle into their chairs.]

Barry Gibb: [in a high, broken voice] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. [laughter and cheers] We got a great show for you t’night. Let’s get right to it. It’s my show, and it’s a no-nonsense show. I’m not gonna take any crap from nobody.

[He glances over to Robin, who stares impassively forward.]

Barry Gibb: Issue number one: Will President Bush listen to the Iraq Study Group’s recommendations? Do you have any thoughts on this, Robin?

[Robin stares blankly away for a long moment.]

Robin Gibb: [softly] No. No, I don’t.

Barry Gibb: Why, why not?

Robin Gibb: I dunno. I ju–I just don’t.

[laughter]

Barry Gibb: [turns to left] Sandra Day O’Connor. As a member of the [breaks into falsetto] Iraqi Study Group: Do you think the President will act on your [in falsetto] recommendations? Haaah!

Sandra Day O’Connor: First of all, Barry, I just want to say that it’s great to see you getting into politics. One could say your career is really, um… stayin’ alive.

[Audience chortles as Robin covers his eyes and Barry glances around in disbelief.]

Barry Gibb: What did you just say t’ me?! Haah-ahh! You do NOT try to joke me down on my own show!! [stands up and kicks the air] I’m BARRY ef-in’ GIBB!!!

[riotous cheers]

Barry Gibb: You think I’m here to pull my [in falsetto] Australian politics? I’m gonna show up and murder you on national television!! [in falsetto] Ha-aa! Ha-aa! Yaaah!

Sandra Day O’Connor: I’m sorry.

Barry Gibb: You are sorry: a sorry excuse for a human being. You’re a piece of human garbage.

Barry and Robin Gibb: [harmonizing] “Huu-u-u-man! Gaaa-a-ar-bage!”

Barry Gibb: Yeah!

Robin Gibb: Yeah!

[Barry glances irritably at Robin.]

Barry Gibb: [turns to right] Thomas Freedman: you spent over a decade in the Middle East. And I just wanted to say that I’m a great fan of your work.

Thomas Freedman: Well, thank you very much–

Barry Gibb: Don’t interrupt me, please, thank you. What did I JUST SAY, do you know who I AM? [stands up and kicks the air] I’m BARRY… GIBB!!! I will rip off your hands and wear them like boxing gloves and beat you to death! And then when I’m done, I will [in falsetto] humiliate your coooorpse! Robin, do you have anything to add?

[Robin stares blankly into space for several seconds.]

Robin Gibb: No. No, I don’t.

Barry Gibb: Robin? Look at me. Look at me. I’m your brother, Robin, look at me-e-e-e! [sings] “Robin, look at your brother, please!”

Robin Gibb: No, I don’t wanna.

Barry Gibb: [in the first note of “Nights on Broadway”] “He-e-e-e-e-e-y-y-y-y…”

[laughter]

Barry and Robin Gibb: [harmonizing] He-e-e-e-e-e-y-y-y-y…
President Carter!
James Earl Carter!
A p-p-p-p-peanut farmer!
President Ca-a-a-ar-ter!
Uh-huh!”

Barry Gibb: Huh!

Robin Gibb: Hah!

[Barry glances irritably at Robin again.]

Barry Gibb: Yeah!

Robin Gibb: Yah!

Barry Gibb: President Carter: if you could give President [in falsetto] Bush one piece of adviiiice… on how to deal with the situation in Iraq, what would it be?

President Jimmy Carter: [lifts eyebrows and bulges eyes] Well, Barry, Robin… What President Bush needs to understand is that one nation cannot impose democracy onto another. Especially when that nation is as divided as Iraq is.

Barry Gibb: [attentive] Okay.

President Jimmy Carter: He needs to get the Sunnis, the Shi’ites, and the Kurds together–

Barry Gibb: Right.

President Jimmy Carter: –and have honest dialogue about how to move forward.

Barry Gibb: That’s good.

President Jimmy Carter: Uh, when I was President, I brought Anwar Sadat and Menachem Begin together in the Camp David accord.

Barry Gibb: Good Lord! Every time I turn on TV, you’re goin’ on about Camp David accord!! It’s been thirty years! [in falsetto] Give it a reeeeest! You don’t see me talkin’ about “Saturday Night Fever” all the time–I moved ON!!

[Barry jumps up and starts kicking the air repeatedly. Carter cringes and leans against Sandra Day O’Connor.]

Barry Gibb: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SHOVE A BOTTLE INSIDE YOU AND KICK IT TILL IT BREAKS!!! YOU GET ME TIRED!!! I AM BARRY… GIBB!!!

[Barry plops back down in his chair but instantly leaps back up.]

Barry Gibb: [kicking the air] I will ruin you! I will ruin you! [starts singing] “I will ruu-uu-u-in you!”

Barry and Robin Gibb: [in harmony] “I will ruu-uu-u-in you! I will ruu-uu-u-in yoooooooooooou!”

[The audience screams in approval as Barry tumbles back into his chair. He wearily reaches for the flower basket on the center table, plucks a flower, and sniffs it.]

Barry Gibb: That’s all the time we have. [sings] “Well… I’m… Barr–”

[He is cut off by the “Nights on Broadway” track. As the lights dim and the disco ball reappears, the brothers jump up and start disco dancing.]

Barry and Robin Gibb: “Talkin’ it up,
On The Barry Gibb Taaaalk Shoo-ow,
Talkin’ ’bout chest hair!
Talkin’ ’bout crazy cool medallions!
Talkin’ it up,
On The Barry Gibb Taaaalk Shoo-ow,
Checkin’ out politics,
In this crazy, crazy tow-ow-own!
Oh, yeah…”

[Laughing, the brothers embrace briefly and dash offstage while the audience cheers tumultuously. SUPERIMPOSE The Barry Gibb Talk Show logo and fade to black while “Nights on Broadway” keeps playing.]

Submitted by: Sean

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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