Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 9
“Santa’s My Boyfriend”
Amy Poehler: Well, it’s the last show before Christmas, girls.
Kristen Wiig: How are you guys gonna spend the holidays?
Maya Rudolph: My holiday’s gonna be super-special this year.
Amy & Kristen: [ they laugh ] Do tell!![ up-tempo piano music pots up ]
Maya Rudolph: I’m spending it with my new guy.
Amy Poehler: So am I!
Kristen Wiig: Me, too!
Maya Rudolph: What’s he like?
Amy Poehler: Well.. I’ll tell you!
Amy Poehler: [ singing ]“I’ve got a new man this holidaySomeone who won’t let me down.”
“A guy whose eyes always sparkle
A man who can show you the town.”
“My boyfriend knows when I’m sleeping
He always treats me right.”
“He knows if I’ve been bad or good
But when I’m naughty, he thinks it’s nice.
Santa’s my boyfriend
Oh yes, Santa’s the one that I love.”
“I believe he’s real, because I can still feel
The touch of his furry white glove.”
“Santa’s my boyfriend
Oh, I’ve never been in love like this.”
Maya Rudolph: “When he comes down my chimney –“
Kristen Wiig: “I get weak in the knees –“
Amy Poehler: “Because it’s his kiss that’s first on my list!”[ they point their fingers toward the camera ]
Amy Poehler: I like it when we jump in a sleigh, and he takes me to the north Pole!
Kristen & Maya: Ain’t he the greatest!!
Kristen Wiig: He told me that he loves the taste of my milk and cookies!
Amy & Maya: [ excited ] He told me the same thing!!
Maya Rudolph: When everybody else is putting up their stockings, he’s taking mine down![ the three of them giggle playfully ]
Together: You get the picture!!
“Santa’s my boyfriend
He keeps me warm in the cold winter snow.”
Kristen Wiig: “He’s jolly and kind –“
“And I don’t even mind
When he sees me and shouts:
Together: ‘Ho, ho, ho!’
Santa’s my boyfriend!
And we’ll have a wonderful life
I can’t wait for the time, when he’ll truly be mine
And he’ll leave his bitch of a wife!”
Amy Poehler: He’s gonna leave her, right?
Kristen Wiig: Of course he’s gonna leave her – he promised!
Maya Rudfolph: They always promise, and it usually works out, right?[ they giggle with uncertainty, the music stops ]
Together: [ singing ]“Oh, liiiiiiiiiiive.
Oh, liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive from New Yorrrrrrrrrrrrrk.. it’s Sat-ur-day.. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.”