SNL Transcripts: Justin Timberlake: 12/16/06: An SNL Digital Short: Dick in a Box


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 9

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06i: Justin Timberlake

An SNL Digital Short: Dick in a Box

Singer 1…..Andy Samberg
Singer 2…..Justin Timberlake

[ tag (over black screen): “An SNL Digital Short” ]

[ dissolve to Singer 1 sharing a tender, romantic moment with his lady in front of a crisp fire ] [ the video cuts back and forth between this scene and both singers strutting their hardcore R&B moves in various locations – in a park, on a basketball court, on a ferry, etc. ]

Singer 1:
“Hey, girl. I got something real important to give you.
So, just sit down.. and listen:

Girl, you know we been together, such a long, long time.”

Singer 2: “Such a long time.”

Singer 1: “And now I’m ready, to lay it on the li-ine.”

Singer 2: “Wow, you know it’s Christmas, and my heart is open wide
Gonna give you something, so you know what’s on my mind.”

Singer 1: “A gift real special, so take off the top.”

Singer 2: “Take a look inside, it’s my dick in a box.”

[ introduce various cuts of the duo posing with gift boxes attached to their crotches ]

“Not gonna get you a diamond ring
That sort of gift don’t mean anything
Not gonna get you a fancy car
Girl, you gotta know you’re my shining star
Not gonna get you a house in the hills
A girl like you needs something real
I want to get you something from the heart
Something special, girl

It’s my dick in a box!
In a box, baby.
It’s my dick in a box!
My dick in a box, girl.

See, I’m wise enough to know when a gift needs giving, girl
And I’ve got just the one
I’m gonna show you that you are second to none.

All the fellas out there, with ladies to impress
It’s easy to do, just follow these steps:

1. Cut a hole in a box.

2. Put your junk in that box.

3. Make her open the box.

And that’s the way you do it.

It’s my dick in a box!
My dick in a box, baby.
It’s my dick in a box!
Oo-oo-ooh, my dick in a box, girl.”

Singer 1: “Christmas.”

Singer 2: “A dick in a box.”

Singer 1: “Hanukkah.”

Singer 2: “A dick in a box.”

Singer 1: “Kwanzaa.”

Singer 2:
“A dick in a box.
Every single holiday, a dick in a box.
Over at your parents house, a dick in a box
Meat Day at the grocery store, a dick in a box.
Backstage at the CMAs, a dick in a bo-o-o-o-o-xxxx
Yeah, yeah, yeah..”

[ by now, the duo has been arrested, handcuffed and placed in the back of a police car for indecent exposure ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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