Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 10
Donald Trump Press Conference
Donald Trump…..Darrell Hammond
Reporter 1…..Maya Rudolph
Reporter 2…..Jason Sudeikis
Debbie Kunsler…..Amy PoehlerReporter 3…..Kenan Thompson
Presenter: And now I am truly honored to introduce the creator and star of NBCs hit show, The Apprentice, Mr. Donald Trump
Donald Trump: Good morning, Id like to thanks all you members of the press for being smart enough to be here today to hear me talking about the sixth and by far the best season of my smash-hit show and ratings bonanza, The Apprentice: Los Angeles . Heres how this thingss gonna go: were here to talk about this terrific show and not about my own going feud with Rosie O Donnel, who by the way is a low life and a loser, and thats all Im gonna say about that lump . Who has a question about The Apprentice, yes?
Reporter 1: Mr. Trump, how has it been working with you daughter Ivanka in this seasons Apprentice?
Donald Trump: Working with my daughter has been a huge joy for her, and I think we make a really champion-style team . Ill tell who will be a loser in any team, that sasquash Rosie ODonnel .. Next question, yes?
Reporter: yeah, how is doing the show in Los Angeles different from doing it in New York?
Donald Trump: Great question, working in L.A. has been fantastic cause Im further away from Rosie O Donnel who is a no-talent dipstick, and Im not talking about her, so lets drop it already and by her I mean Rosie O Donnel, who is a zero The Apprentice yes?
Debbie Kunsler: Mr Trump, Debbie Kunsler from Entertainment weekly . I mean, it seems like youre obsessed with this Rosie thing, are you still mad at her?
Donald Trump: Debbie I dont know how I can be any clearer, Im taking the high road here absolutely no questions about Jabba The Rosie . Lets keep this thing on track ok? Yes?
Reporter: Weve heard that in the new Apprentice the losers have to live in tents behind the match, how are they handling that?
Donald Trump: you know? Ill tell you one thing, these kids are handling things a lot better than that gargoyle Barbara Walters Barbara knows what she told me about Rosie and I quote: Rosie is such a pig, that if there were a planet where only pigs live, she would be the king, and the queen . Also her wife Kelly has one hell of a rack and thats a direct quote from Barbara Walters . Yes?
Debbie Kunsler: Mr. Trump, about Rosie O Donnel .
Donald Trump: Ok, alright, you know what? This press conference is over. I can assure you, this season of The Apprentice is going to be huge, and Rosie, I think we should act like grown-ups and heres how its gonna go, Im made of rubber, you are made glue, whatever you say bounces off me cause Im classy, and sticks to you cause youre ugly . Noni noni bu bu bubuuuuuuu .. The Apprentice!!!
Submitted by: Jonathan Senesi