SNL Transcripts: Jeremy Piven: 01/20/07


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 11

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


January 20th, 2007

Jeremy Piven



HardballSummary: Chris Matthews (Darrell Hammond) interviews Hillary Clinton (Amy Poehler) about her run for President in 2008.

Recurring Characters: Chris Matthews, Hillary Clinton.



Jeremy Piven’s MonologueSummary: Jeremy Piven attempts to make a genuine connection with one audience member.

Bio: Jeremy Piven (1965-). Actor; portrays agent Ari Gold on the HBO series “Entourage”, 2004-.

UrigroSummary: A man (Jason Sudeikis) discusses the renewed vigor of his urine stream.


The NFL on CBSSummary: Jim Nantz (Jeremy Piven) and Phil Simms (Jason Sudeikis) are joined in the booth by a Make-a-Wish recipient (Andy Samberg) who suffers from ADD – Automatic Dying Disorder.

TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel’s Fun With Real Audio and Stuff presents Frontline’s look at the 2007 Year in Review, which features President George W. bush attempting to improve his image by appearing in public as a chipmunk. When that technique wears thin, other, less desireable, styles are adopted.

The First Person in the History of the World to DanceSummary: A caveman (Jason Sudeikis) picks up the beat.

MacGruberSummary: MacGruber (Will Forte) can detonate a bomb by building a device from a paper clip, some twine, and dog turd.


Two A-Holes at an Adoption AgencySummary: The Two A-Holes (Jason Sudeikis, Kristen Wiig) decide they want adopt a baby in the quickest, most annoying way possible.

Recurring Characters: Male A-Hole, Female A-Hole.


MacGruberSummary: MacGruber (Will Forte) can detonate a bomb by building a device from a pine needles and pubic hair.


AFI performs “Love Like Winter”Bio: Alternative rock band; initials stand for “A Fire Inside”; members: Davey Havok (vocals), Jade Puget (guitar, backing vocals, programming, keyboard), Hunter Burgan (bass, backing vocals, programming, keyboard), Adam Carson (drums, backing vocals).

Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth MeyersSummary: Impressionist Rich Little (Darrell Hammond) comments on his upcoming appearance at the Bush White House dinner. Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler ask “Really!?!” when Michael Vick gets busted for possession of marijuana.

Recurring Characters: Rich Little.


Common & Blizzard ManSummary: Raper Common brings in the Blizzard Man (Andy Samberg) to finalize the tracks from his latest album.

Recurring Characters: Blizzard Man.

Bio: Common (1972-). Hip hop artist; Real name: Lonnie Rashid Lynn, Jr.; appeared in the film “Smokin’ Aces” (2007) with Jeremy Piven.


MacGruberSummary: MacGruber (Will Forte) can detonate a bomb by building a device from bum sperm.


Save a Unicorn FoundationSummary: A community plans to tear down their forest to build a shopping mall, unless the forest’s magical unicorns get a say otherwise.

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Scott Garbaciak (Andy Samberg) assumes all the roles in the new film, “Nurse Nancy.”

AFI performs “Miss Murder”

Lansford Brothers & AssociatesSummary: The Lansford Brothers (Will Forte, Bill Hader) are hangmen-at-law, who promise they’ll do a hanging job the right and proper Texas way.




Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Awards ShowSummary: Repeat nominee Jeremy Piven finally gives up on ever winning an award, only doing so when he decides to skip out on this year’s attendance.

AirborneSummary: Fill-in actor (Jeremy Piven) is dressed like a germ in preparation to appear in a commercial.

The Pep Walters ShowSummary: Blind talk show host Pep Walters (Fred Armisen) is ignored by his guide (Jeremy Piven) while interviewing Randy Jackson (Kenan Thompson) and Paula Abdul (Amy Poehler).

Recurring Characters: Pep Walters, Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul.

FiredSummary: After being fired, a woman (Amy Poehler) plays with her collection of knick-knacks while packing her belongings.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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