Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 12
An SNL Digital Short: Body Fuzion
Written by: Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph
Donna M…..Amy Poehler
Desiree: [ cheery ] I’m Desiree. And this.. is “Body Fuzion.” [ close-up ] Do you want to meet my friends?[ cut to close-up of Donna ]
Donna: Donna.[ cut to close-up of Michelle ]
Donna M.: Donna.[ cut to group shot ]
Desiree: Let’s begin. This is a Low Impact, Level One workout. But, just because it’s Low Impact, doesn’t mean you won’t get —[ cut to Desiree poking her head between Donna M.’s legs ]
Desiree: — high results!
Desiree: Our first exercise.. is called “The Step.”[ cut to group shot of the women performing the exercise ]
Desiree: Step left.. step right.. left.. right.[ cut to close-up of Donna ]
Desiree: Left.. right.[ cut to extreme close-up of Desiree ]
Desiree: If this is not challenging enough, watch Michell show you the “advanced” style.[ cut to Michelle putting an extra sashay into the exercise move ]
Desiree V/O: Left.. right.. left.. or —
Desiree: Take it easy, and do it easier like Donna M.[ cut to Donna M. performing the same exercise with an extra-slow sashay ]
Desiree V/O: Left.. right.. left.. right.. left.. right.. left.. left —[ as Desiree’s voice gives the commands, a series of shots are jump-cut — Donna’s hips swaying, Michelle’s breasts swaying, Donna M.’s hips swaying, Desiree’s breasts swaying ] [ Michelle wipes her brow with a smile ] [ cut to close-up of Desiree ]
Desiree: This aligns our shockras [?] and helps oxygenate blood.
Desiree: Let’s tone our arms. You can use weights, or any household item.
Michelle: For a more advanced workout, use one-pound hand weights![ cut to Michelle’s arms holding the hand-weights at knee level, as she slowly lifts them up past her crotch and breasts and up to her slyly-grinning face ] [ cut to Donna ]
Donna: Pencils! [ show Donna lifting the pencil hand-weights ] [ cut to Donna M. ]
Donna M.: Or air. [ she mimes lifting air hand-weights ] [ card: “Flexibility” ] [ cut to Desiree leaning against the fireplace ]
Desiree: Flexibility is important. [ she raises her above her head ] Breathe. And, one.. two.. three.
Desiree V/O: Do the best you can.[ cut to Michelle performing the exercise — as she raises her leg, a pixelized circle covers her exposed crotch ]
Desiree V/O: Someone has done this before![ cut back to Desiree at the fireplace, still with her leg raised high ]
Desiree: Take it to the limit.[ cut to close-up of Desiree, as she raises her leg straight to the ceiling and proceeds to bend it completely clockwise ]
Desiree: If this is too difficult.. work your fingers.[ cut to Donna M. stretched across the floor, two fingers dressed in tights and stretching along the length of her buttocks ] [ SUPER: “Fitness is important” ] [ card: “Good Job” ] [ this part of the tape is clearly damaged from overuse, as lines begin to bounce along the top and bottom of the screen for a few seconds ] [ cut to Desiree ]
Desiree: That’s all for today. Put in Tape 2 for an even lower level body workout.[ cut to group shot ]
Desiree: [ points at camera ] “Body Fuzion!” Yaaaayyyyyy!!!![ all four women dance and jiggle with excitement, occasionally hugging one another, bouncing their hips together, and rubbing each other’s buttocks ] [ freeze-frame, with credits: “(c) 1986 Hollywood Productions Inc. & WGBH Boston” ] [ fade ]