SNL Transcripts: Drew Barrymore: 02/03/07: Versace Super Bowl Party



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 12









06l: Drew Barrymore / Lily Allen

Versace Super Bowl Party

Donatella Versace….Maya Rudolph
Prince….Fred Armisen
Posh Spice….Drew Barrymore
David Beckham….Seth Meyers
Sir Elton John….Horatio Sanz

[Opens with bumping techno music and models walking the fashion runways]

Announcer: Versace. Extravagance. Decadence. Donatella Versace.

[Hunky, fruity, beefed up man-servants wearing football pads and short shorts vogue and carryDonatella Cleopatra style into her living room]

Donatella Versace:[slow, tired voice] Hello everybody, hello. Your old friend Donatella here. Now, I know you haven’t seen me for a while. It’s because I was in rehab for about 2 years. I had to go into the tank to cure my problem with cigarettes, champagne and telling people to get out. But the good news is I’m completely cured. [Man-servants give her a lit cigarette and a glass of champagne]Oh, thank you my babies. Now, GET OUT!!![Man-servants leave]Any foo-foo, welcome to my Super Bowl Party where we smoke, look good and watch football. I want you to meet my buddy who I watch all my ball games with. Believe me there’s no bigger football buff on earth than this guy. PRINCE!Predictions!

[Androgynous Prince sits on the sofa in his purple suit. Talks into his microphone, organ plays]

Prince: Dearly beloved![echoes]dearly beloved! We are gathered here today to listen my Super Bowl predictions. The Colts.

Donatella Versace: Wait a minute, Prince. Aren’t you supposed to be doing the half time show.[Prince has disappeared]Hey, where the hell did Prince go? All right, [sits and smokes]I got some snacks.[DING -DONG Doorbell]Oh, great. Who the “f” could that be?

[Door opens with power couple Posh Spice and David Beckham, a lot of paparazzi pushing through the door, cameras flashing]

Donatella Versace: Oh, look I forgot I invited Posh and Becks.

Posh Spice: [thick British accent]Can we invite the paparazzi in?

Donatella Versace: Chicken and a biscuit! Don’t make me tell you to get out before you even come in. Oh, the lights!! I’m allergic to the LIGHTS! Get in here, quickly![Door is closed, Posh and Becks sit down]Have some Tostitos Scoops.

David Beckham: [very nasal tone of voice]Thank you for inviting us.

Donatella Versace: Oh, my God!, is that really your voice or are you playing some cruel joke on me?

David Beckham: No. That is really my voice.

Posh Spice: Isn’t it sexy?

Donatella Versace: No. Dear Googa-Mooga! It sounds like the fattest man sitting on a million tiny balloons.

David Beckham: Thank You.

Donatella Versace: Your idea of a compliment is very different from mine, dumb ass.

Posh Spice: Donatella, what are these?

Donatella Versace: Chicken wings.

Posh Spice: What are they made of?

Donatella Versace: Chicken.

Posh Spice: Oh, that’s too bad because I don’t eat meat or vegetables or grains or liquids or dairy or…

Donatella Versace:[lifting tray with chicken wings]Please, try one. I insi-i-i-i-st!!

Posh Spice: No, thank you.

Donatella Versace: EAT!! EAT IT!! PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH AND EAT THE CHICKEN WING!!!! EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT, EAT!!!!!!

[Posh licks a chicken wing]

Posh Spice: I’m full.

Donatella Versace: Jumpin Jehosaphat! You need to actually eat. You look like a pencil with two blood oranges glued to the top. Oh, and you! Close your shirt! I’m getting massive chest glare!!

David Beckham: But I’m freshly waxed.

Donatella Versace: Oh,gosh! You guys are really boring! If you were a football team you would be “Da Boooores” Now, GET OUT!!![The power couple leave] That’s been fantastic. Well, it’s officially time for some football. Donatella’s ready.[sips champagne] [Enters Elton John holding a big bowl and wearing a black Bears jersey]

Elton John: [sings]”Someone saved my life tonight…

Donatella Versace: Holy crap! It can’t be!

Elton John: Hello Donatella. Long time no see. I brought you some of Mama John’s delicious red hot chili bean and cheese dip. Except I replaced the cheese with more beans.

Donatella Versace: Oh, my God! Why do you eat so many beans, queen?

Elton John: Because they are a musical fruit. And so am I.[smiles]

Donatella Versace: So it’s true. You really are what you eat.

Elton John: Yes, Donatella. That is why you are a gigantic wiener.

Donatella Versace: Are you saying I eat gigantic wieners?

Elton John: Yes, constantly.

Donatella Versace: So, do you have a gigantic wiener for me?

Elton John: Yes, but I only put mine in buns.

[They share a curious look]

Donatella Versace: You crazy bitch. I’ve missed you so much. [kisses both cheeks]

Elton John: OK, hey Donatella. Hey, it’s time for a pass.[takes out football] Go for a long one!

Donatella Versace: That’s what she said.[Football bounces off her head]

Elton John: Sorry, Donatella.

Donatella Versace: No worries. You know how much I love balls flying at my face.

Elton John: Me too.

[They both stare lovingly into the camera]

Donatella Versace: Well, Auntie Mame. Any prediction for the Super Bowl?

Elton John: When it comes to the big game. I always go with the defense and the strong running attack.[Sings like one of his tunes]”And I guess that’s why I’m picking The Bears/ 44-10/Yes, I’m picking The Bea-a-a-a-ars!!

Donatella Versace: Please everyone, enjoy the stupid game and get out.

[Techno music plays and man-servants vogue while Elton throws the football again at Donatella, she drops the ball]

Caption: VERSACE SUPER BOWL PARTY

[fade] [Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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