Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 13
06m: Forest Whitaker / Keith Urban
Singing Waiter
Benjamin Tellurine….Forest Whitaker
Anne….Amy Poehler
Reggie….Will Forte
Bill….Bill Hader
Fred….Fred Armisen
Maya….Maya Rudolph
[Opens with an outside shot of Assiago’s restaurant.Dissolves to the inside. Two couples share a table. Awaiter is bringing their orders, setting plates down]
Reggie: Let’s see. We have penne a la vodka, linguiniwith clam sauce and 2 shrimp Alfredo. Thank you verymuch for being patient. Enjoy.
Anne: Thank you so much.
Bill: Thank you. Thank you very much.
Reggie: Now while you’re enjoying our deliciouscuisine here at Assagio’s, we welcome you to alsofeast on the musical talents of one of our seniorservers, Benjamin Tellurine.
Maya: Oh!
Anne: Oh!
[In comes Benjamin. He’s black with a badly combedafro, shirt and tie. Presents himself with some handgestures. Talks kind of gay]
Benjamin Tellurine: Tonight I will be singing my ownarrangement of a song. “Do not let the sun come downon me” by Mr. Elton Johns. Enjoy. Reggie?
[Reggie pushes play on a portable radio. Music plays]
Benjamin Tellurine:[Sings]”Don’t let the sun/come downon me/although I searched myself there is someone elseI see/just another fragment of your life to wanderfree/but losing everything/is like the sun going downon me-e-e-e”
[The couples applaud, very pleased with theperformance]
Benjamin Tellurine: “On me-e-e-e-e-e!”[musiccrescendo]”Don’t let the sun come down on me/althoughI searched myself there is someone else I see/justanother fragment[croons on Maya ear, still enjoyingthe performance] of your life to wander free/butlosing everything/is like the sun going down onme-e-e-e-e-e!”
[Applause. They are very pleased with the performance]
Anne: Thank you so much.
Benjamin Tellurine: “On me-e-e-e-e-e!![music crescendocontinues, couples getting annoyed]
Anne: What the hell?
Maya: I don’t want to be rude.
[Benjamin closes his eyes and dances lightly in rapture]
Benjamin Tellurine: “Don’t let the sun go down on me/although I searched myself there is always someoneelse I see/ just another fragment of your life towander free/ but losing everything/ is like the sungoing down on me-e-e-e-e!”
Bill: This is it, this is it. Yeah.
[Polite applause]
Fred: Thank you. Thank you very much, sir.
Benjamin Tellurine: “On me-e-e-e-e-e!!”[musiccrescendo again] Don’t let the sun go down onme/although I searched myself there is someone else Isee/ just another fragment of your life to wanderfree/ but losing everything is like the sun going downon me-e-e-e-e!”
Bill: I’m eating. We eat, we eat.
Anne: Let’s just eat.
Maya: I’m starving!
Fred: Enough is enough.
[They eat hungrily and ignore his rendition of thesong. Song is about to end]
Bill: Oh, thank God.
Anne: Wooo!!
[Applause looking to stop the now hellish performance]
Benjamin Tellurine:”Is like the sun going down, islike the sun going down, is like the sun going down onme-e-e-e-e-e!!!O-o-o-o-on me-e-e-e-e-e-e!!![musiccrescendo and continues]Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh ohohohoh,oh oh,oh[Oh’s are to the beat of the song]oh, oh,ohohohoh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh, oh!
Anne: Oh my God! I want to hit this guy with the creamer!
Maya: Anne, that’s not right.
Bill: I agree. The creamer is not going to do jack.You know, I’m gonna clip him in the nuts with the bread plate!
Fred: He comes out right when our food came. Makes no sense to me!
[Benjamin keeps singing nonsense]
Benjamin: “O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, it’s like the sun goingdown on-ohohohohohohohohoho o-o-o-o-o-o-onme-e-e-e-e!!!![music crescendo again, continues]Don’tlet the sun—-[almost indistinct]
Maya: What is happening??!!
[Shot of outside of Assagio’s]
Caption: Ten Minutes Later.
[Back to the scene in the restaurant. Music for thesong continues and Benjamin is mouthing the words tothe song now]
Anne: Why can’t we hear him anymore?
Bill: He’s singing above any pitch human hearing can detect.
Maya:[mouth full, miserable]Are you sure he’s still singing?
Fred: Oh, yes. Still singing.[Eyeglasses shatter on his face]
[Benjamin is in another place with the song. There isa thin, piercing shriek sounding, dogs are barking andhowling madly]
Anne: Dogs? There are dogs in here?
Maya: Stop it, stop it.
[Glasses shatter on the table, they explode. Song ends]
Benjamin Tellurine: Thank you. And now—-my nextsong. A timeless classic. “Goodbye, goodbye, MissAmerica Pie” Enjoy. “A long time ago….
Anne: No!, no!
[They throw bread, the little baskets and utensils atBenjamin who starts anyway another passionate performance]
[Fade]
[Cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel
