SNL Transcripts: Forest Whitaker: 02/10/07: Singing Waiter


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 13

06m: Forest Whitaker / Keith Urban

Singing Waiter

Benjamin Tellurine….Forest Whitaker
Anne….Amy Poehler
Reggie….Will Forte
Bill….Bill Hader
Fred….Fred Armisen
Maya….Maya Rudolph

[Opens with an outside shot of Assiago’s restaurant.Dissolves to the inside. Two couples share a table. Awaiter is bringing their orders, setting plates down]

Reggie: Let’s see. We have penne a la vodka, linguiniwith clam sauce and 2 shrimp Alfredo. Thank you verymuch for being patient. Enjoy.

Anne: Thank you so much.

Bill: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Reggie: Now while you’re enjoying our deliciouscuisine here at Assagio’s, we welcome you to alsofeast on the musical talents of one of our seniorservers, Benjamin Tellurine.

Maya: Oh!

Anne: Oh!

[In comes Benjamin. He’s black with a badly combedafro, shirt and tie. Presents himself with some handgestures. Talks kind of gay]

Benjamin Tellurine: Tonight I will be singing my ownarrangement of a song. “Do not let the sun come downon me” by Mr. Elton Johns. Enjoy. Reggie?

[Reggie pushes play on a portable radio. Music plays]

Benjamin Tellurine:[Sings]”Don’t let the sun/come downon me/although I searched myself there is someone elseI see/just another fragment of your life to wanderfree/but losing everything/is like the sun going downon me-e-e-e”

[The couples applaud, very pleased with theperformance]

Benjamin Tellurine: “On me-e-e-e-e-e!”[musiccrescendo]”Don’t let the sun come down on me/althoughI searched myself there is someone else I see/justanother fragment[croons on Maya ear, still enjoyingthe performance] of your life to wander free/butlosing everything/is like the sun going down onme-e-e-e-e-e!”

[Applause. They are very pleased with the performance]

Anne: Thank you so much.

Benjamin Tellurine: “On me-e-e-e-e-e!![music crescendocontinues, couples getting annoyed]

Anne: What the hell?

Maya: I don’t want to be rude.

[Benjamin closes his eyes and dances lightly in rapture]

Benjamin Tellurine: “Don’t let the sun go down on me/although I searched myself there is always someoneelse I see/ just another fragment of your life towander free/ but losing everything/ is like the sungoing down on me-e-e-e-e!”

Bill: This is it, this is it. Yeah.

[Polite applause]

Fred: Thank you. Thank you very much, sir.

Benjamin Tellurine: “On me-e-e-e-e-e!!”[musiccrescendo again] Don’t let the sun go down onme/although I searched myself there is someone else Isee/ just another fragment of your life to wanderfree/ but losing everything is like the sun going downon me-e-e-e-e!”

Bill: I’m eating. We eat, we eat.

Anne: Let’s just eat.

Maya: I’m starving!

Fred: Enough is enough.

[They eat hungrily and ignore his rendition of thesong. Song is about to end]

Bill: Oh, thank God.

Anne: Wooo!!

[Applause looking to stop the now hellish performance]

Benjamin Tellurine:”Is like the sun going down, islike the sun going down, is like the sun going down onme-e-e-e-e-e!!!O-o-o-o-on me-e-e-e-e-e-e!!![musiccrescendo and continues]Ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh ohohohoh,oh oh,oh[Oh’s are to the beat of the song]oh, oh,ohohohoh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh, oh!

Anne: Oh my God! I want to hit this guy with the creamer!

Maya: Anne, that’s not right.

Bill: I agree. The creamer is not going to do jack.You know, I’m gonna clip him in the nuts with the bread plate!

Fred: He comes out right when our food came. Makes no sense to me!

[Benjamin keeps singing nonsense]

Benjamin: “O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, it’s like the sun goingdown on-ohohohohohohohohoho o-o-o-o-o-o-onme-e-e-e-e!!!![music crescendo again, continues]Don’tlet the sun—-[almost indistinct]

Maya: What is happening??!!

[Shot of outside of Assagio’s]

Caption: Ten Minutes Later.

[Back to the scene in the restaurant. Music for thesong continues and Benjamin is mouthing the words tothe song now]

Anne: Why can’t we hear him anymore?

Bill: He’s singing above any pitch human hearing can detect.

Maya:[mouth full, miserable]Are you sure he’s still singing?

Fred: Oh, yes. Still singing.[Eyeglasses shatter on his face] [Benjamin is in another place with the song. There isa thin, piercing shriek sounding, dogs are barking andhowling madly]

Anne: Dogs? There are dogs in here?

Maya: Stop it, stop it.

[Glasses shatter on the table, they explode. Song ends]

Benjamin Tellurine: Thank you. And now—-my nextsong. A timeless classic. “Goodbye, goodbye, MissAmerica Pie” Enjoy. “A long time ago….

Anne: No!, no!

[They throw bread, the little baskets and utensils atBenjamin who starts anyway another passionate performance] [Fade] [Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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