Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 14
[open on recording studio, with five musicians playing: Josiah on a keyboard, Kendra on a pan flute, on a harp, Naseem on chimes, and Tracey on djembes]
Harpist: Great jam, guys. Really good work.
Tracey, Naseem, Kendra, and Josiah: [mumbled, overlapping] Thank you.
Harpist: And I just want to say [pushes back hair on both sides] that I know we were all a little upset about losing the New Age Grammy to Enya again, but hey, you know what? [pushes back hair on right side] Riverbliss has never been about awards, right? And I just want to say that after we lost, I know there was some pretty angry talking behind people’s backs. Naseem, I know you were very critical about Tracey. [Naseem and Tracey look angrily at each other and then away] And Kendra, you were vocal about your problems with Naseem. And everyone came to me to complain about Josiah. [pushes back hair on right side] But I have to say, it feels like the positive energy is back, and I just love it. You know, I think this is really going to be Riverbliss’ year. So let’s move on with “Lunarscape.” And 2, 3, 4, and…
[the musicians play]
Tracey: Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. [music stops] Sorry, I just wanted to remind Naseem that we’re actually playing for real now.
Naseem: I know that.
Tracey: Oh, it just seemed like you were fooling around.
Kendra: Yeah, me, too.
Josiah: Yeah, because you do that. A lot.
Naseem: I was not fooling around. I always take rehearsal very seriously.
Tracey: If that’s true, why does Enya have my Grammy?!
Harpist: Okay, okay, Tracey, look, look, we lost the Grammy; we need to get past that. And I have been in a lot of New Age bands. And let me tell you that once they start infighting, it is over. Okay, so let’s do “Crystal Breezes,” but maybe pick it up in the middle. And 3, 4, 5, and…
[the musicians play while Kendra glares and Naseem and Tracey seethe at each other]
Naseem: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, [music stops] can we stop for a second? Should we maybe take a break so that Kendra can tune her flute?
Kendra: Um, it’s a pan flute, and it’s in tune, Naseem.
Naseem: Really? Well, in that case, I need to make an appointment with my ear doctor, because that hurt my ears.
Kendra: Oh, great chime playing, by the way. It’s so amazing how you can do what the wind can do.
Naseem: I hate your face!
Harpist: Okay! Okay. Okay. [pushes back hair on both sides] You know what I think will bring us around? “Dewey Petals.” So let’s take “Dewey Petals” from somewhere near the end. Ready, and, 2, 3, 4…
[the musicians play while Kendra, Naseem, and Tracey make angry faces]
Josiah: Wait, stop! Stop! [music stops] Tracey, uh, is that what you’re gonna play? Because I have a little something that sounds really good with that.
Harpist: Oh, that’s good. This is good. It’s called collaboration.
Josiah: Yeah. This sounds just like what you sound like. [he hits a button and produces a sound of flatulence]
Tracey: Very mature, Josiah.
Harpist: Josiah, are you done? [flatulent sound] Guys! [flatulent sound] Okay, okay, what do you say we just take a band field trip to the Crystal Stone?
Naseem: I got an idea. Why don’t you buy the biggest crystal that they have and shove it right up your–
Harpist: Naseem! Don’t say something you don’t mean!
Naseem: Oh, I mean it, and I will do it myself
Harpist: I see. Well, then, let me say something. I am so tired [pushes back hair on both sides] of carrying this band on my back! Okay, anyone who wants to fight me, bring it on! I am ready! Bring it on! [assumes martial arts pose]
Tracey: I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just want to remind everyone that we only have the studio for nine more hours.
Harpist: I know that! There’s a clock on the wall! I know how much time we have in the studio, okay?! Okay, God, you know what I need to do? I need to take all this energy and I just need to channel it into a jam on my harp. So I invite anyone who wants to, to join along with me. [he sits at his harp and begins to play gentle music while snarling angrily] Augh! Ugh! Yeah! Feel it! [other musicians join in] Oh, I tell you something. If I were Enya, I would be worried about next year.
[fade to black]
Submitted by: DavidK93