SNL Transcripts: Rainn Wilson: 02/24/07: Danny’s Song



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 14





06n: Rainn Wilson / Arcade Fire

Danny’s Song

Jason…..Jason Sudeikis
Rainn…..Rainn Wilson
Will…..Will Forte
Bill…..Bill Hader

[ open on interior, barroom, Bill and Will sitting at a table as Jason approaches with beer bottles in his arms ]

Jason: First round’s on ME, boys!

The Boys: Alright! Awesome!

Jason: Yeah, I was gonna get some fancy microbrews, but then I just went with, uh, you know, some cheap stuff for old time’s sake!

The Boys: Right on! Right on!

[ Rainn approaches the table from the jukebox ]

Rainn: Hey, I hope you guys don’t mind – I threw a couple of bucks in the jukebox!

The Boys: Great! Great! Good! Right on!

Will: Hey! [ toasts his bottle ] To the best friends I’ve ever had!

[ they all clink their bottles together, then begin drinking as “Danny’s Song” pots up from the jukebox ]

Jason: Oh, man! I LOVE this song!

The Boys: Awww, me, too! Yes! Classic!

Jason: I remember the first time I heard it: I was nine years old, and my folks were driving me home from the emergency room.

Bill: Oh, oh – what happened?

Jason: Well, it’s kind of embarassing, but, in the fourth grade, my class went on a field trip to a petting zoo. And I had a little incident that ended with my — me, you know, getting bitten – on the penis. Right through my pants!

Rainn: Oh, God! That’s terrible.

Jason: Aw, that’s alright. They found the guy that did it.

[ the boys begin to sing as the jukebox hits the chorus ]

The Boys: [ singing ] “And even though we ain’t got money / I’m so in love with you, honey / Everything bring a chain of lo-o-o-ove!”

Jason: That was the last time I saw my uncle!

The Boys: [ singing ] “And in the morning when I rise / You bring a tear of joy to my eyes / And tell me everything’s gonna be all right!”

Bill: You know what this song reminds me of?

Jason: What?

Bill: My dad. He loved this song. I remember we had this one great day at the park — we used to have so much fun. He was running in the grass, and chasing squirrels. They had this fountain, and we threw pennies in it for hours.

Will: Wow!

Bill: It was so great! The first day I ever thought to myself, “Just I have a Dad,” and not, “I have a Dad with Down’s Syndrome.”

[ the boys nod, as the jokebox hits the chorus once again ]

The Boys: [ singing ] “And even though we ain’t got money / I’m so in love with you, honey / Everything bring a chain of lo-o-o-ove!”

Bill: He loved crayons!

The Boys: [ singing ] “And in the morning when I rise / You bring a tear of joy to my eyes / And tell me everything’s gonna be all right!”

Will: I’ll tell you what this song reminds me of.

Jason: [ chuckles ] Oh, here we go!

Will: The time I became an arsonist.

Jason: Yep! What’d I tell ya’?

Will: I was standing outside that burning building, embracing the powerful heat of the all-consuming flame, when a car drove by playing this very song.

Rainn: [ stunned ] No way!

Will: [ smiles ] I know! It was so crazy! And all I kept thinking was, “God! If they ever find out I did this, I will never be able to teach at this grade school again.”

The Boys: [ singing ] “And even though we ain’t got money / I’m so in love with you, honey / Everything bring a chain of lo-o-o-ove!”

Will: You know what’s flammable? Fingerpaint!

The Boys: [ singing ] “And in the morning when I rise / You bring a tear of joy to my eyes / And tell me everything’s gonna be all right!”

Rainn: Yeah, I gotta say this song brings back a memory for me, too.

Bill: Uh-oh! This guy!

Rainn: I was having anonymous sex in the bathroom stall of a Bennigan’s at the Newark Airport? and I was standing inside this shopping bag – so, if the cops looked under the stall, it would appear as though there was only one pair of legs under there.

Will: ???

Rainn: And this song started playing over the PA! And I couldn’t help it! I laughed so hard, that the other guy’s PEE came out of my nose!

The Boys: [ singing ] “And even though we ain’t got money / I’m so in love with you, honey / Everything bring a chain of lo-o-o-ove!”

Rainn: THE GUY’S PEE CAME OUT OF MY NOSE!!

The Boys: [ singing ] “And in the morning when I rise / You bring a tear of joy to my eyes / And tell me everything’s gonna be all right!”

Jason: Man! Music is the CLOSEST thing we have to a time machine!

Bill: It sure is!

Rainn: It brings back a LOT of memories!

Will: To memories!

The Boys: [ as they clink their bottles and sip ] Memories!

Rainn: [ sighs ] So – you guys ready to do this?

Jason: Let’s go!

[ they all remove guns from the inside pocket of their jackets, adjust the cartridges, then scream for everyone in the bar to surrender to them ] [ the opening theme from “Pulp Fiction” pots up, as the words “The End” rise up and zoom in just like the main title from the film ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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