Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 14
06n: Rainn Wilson / Arcade Fire
Danny’s Song
Jason…..Jason Sudeikis
Rainn…..Rainn Wilson
Will…..Will Forte
Bill…..Bill Hader
[ open on interior, barroom, Bill and Will sitting at a table as Jason approaches with beer bottles in his arms ]
Jason: First round’s on ME, boys!
The Boys: Alright! Awesome!
Jason: Yeah, I was gonna get some fancy microbrews, but then I just went with, uh, you know, some cheap stuff for old time’s sake!
The Boys: Right on! Right on!
[ Rainn approaches the table from the jukebox ]
Rainn: Hey, I hope you guys don’t mind – I threw a couple of bucks in the jukebox!
The Boys: Great! Great! Good! Right on!
Will: Hey! [ toasts his bottle ] To the best friends I’ve ever had!
[ they all clink their bottles together, then begin drinking as “Danny’s Song” pots up from the jukebox ]
Jason: Oh, man! I LOVE this song!
The Boys: Awww, me, too! Yes! Classic!
Jason: I remember the first time I heard it: I was nine years old, and my folks were driving me home from the emergency room.
Bill: Oh, oh – what happened?
Jason: Well, it’s kind of embarassing, but, in the fourth grade, my class went on a field trip to a petting zoo. And I had a little incident that ended with my — me, you know, getting bitten – on the penis. Right through my pants!
Rainn: Oh, God! That’s terrible.
Jason: Aw, that’s alright. They found the guy that did it.
[ the boys begin to sing as the jukebox hits the chorus ]
The Boys: [ singing ] “And even though we ain’t got money / I’m so in love with you, honey / Everything bring a chain of lo-o-o-ove!”
Jason: That was the last time I saw my uncle!
The Boys: [ singing ] “And in the morning when I rise / You bring a tear of joy to my eyes / And tell me everything’s gonna be all right!”
Bill: You know what this song reminds me of?
Jason: What?
Bill: My dad. He loved this song. I remember we had this one great day at the park — we used to have so much fun. He was running in the grass, and chasing squirrels. They had this fountain, and we threw pennies in it for hours.
Will: Wow!
Bill: It was so great! The first day I ever thought to myself, “Just I have a Dad,” and not, “I have a Dad with Down’s Syndrome.”
[ the boys nod, as the jokebox hits the chorus once again ]
The Boys: [ singing ] “And even though we ain’t got money / I’m so in love with you, honey / Everything bring a chain of lo-o-o-ove!”
Bill: He loved crayons!
The Boys: [ singing ] “And in the morning when I rise / You bring a tear of joy to my eyes / And tell me everything’s gonna be all right!”
Will: I’ll tell you what this song reminds me of.
Jason: [ chuckles ] Oh, here we go!
Will: The time I became an arsonist.
Jason: Yep! What’d I tell ya’?
Will: I was standing outside that burning building, embracing the powerful heat of the all-consuming flame, when a car drove by playing this very song.
Rainn: [ stunned ] No way!
Will: [ smiles ] I know! It was so crazy! And all I kept thinking was, “God! If they ever find out I did this, I will never be able to teach at this grade school again.”
The Boys: [ singing ] “And even though we ain’t got money / I’m so in love with you, honey / Everything bring a chain of lo-o-o-ove!”
Will: You know what’s flammable? Fingerpaint!
The Boys: [ singing ] “And in the morning when I rise / You bring a tear of joy to my eyes / And tell me everything’s gonna be all right!”
Rainn: Yeah, I gotta say this song brings back a memory for me, too.
Bill: Uh-oh! This guy!
Rainn: I was having anonymous sex in the bathroom stall of a Bennigan’s at the Newark Airport? and I was standing inside this shopping bag – so, if the cops looked under the stall, it would appear as though there was only one pair of legs under there.
Will: ???
Rainn: And this song started playing over the PA! And I couldn’t help it! I laughed so hard, that the other guy’s PEE came out of my nose!
The Boys: [ singing ] “And even though we ain’t got money / I’m so in love with you, honey / Everything bring a chain of lo-o-o-ove!”
Rainn: THE GUY’S PEE CAME OUT OF MY NOSE!!
The Boys: [ singing ] “And in the morning when I rise / You bring a tear of joy to my eyes / And tell me everything’s gonna be all right!”
Jason: Man! Music is the CLOSEST thing we have to a time machine!
Bill: It sure is!
Rainn: It brings back a LOT of memories!
Will: To memories!
The Boys: [ as they clink their bottles and sip ] Memories!
Rainn: [ sighs ] So – you guys ready to do this?
Jason: Let’s go!
[ they all remove guns from the inside pocket of their jackets, adjust the cartridges, then scream for everyone in the bar to surrender to them ]
[ the opening theme from “Pulp Fiction” pots up, as the words “The End” rise up and zoom in just like the main title from the film ]
[ fade ]