SNL Transcripts: Julia Louis-Dreyfus: 03/17/07: Monex

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 15

06o: Julia Louis-Dreyfus / Snow Patrol


Monex Spokeperson….Kristen Wiig

[Opens with rich lady in a elegant,upscale room.]

Monex Spokeperson: Is there anything more satisfyingthat owning gold and holding it in your hands? [Camerasplits showing hands caressing gold coins. Stacks ofgold coins in the background] What? You mean, you’venever experienced it? Then call Monex now for thisinformative brochure and vhs tape that will show youhow you can invest in gold. [Gold coins splash aroundon mountains of golden coins. 1-800-555-0199 Book andtape. Why gold? Why now?] Did you know that in the past12 years the value of gold has gone up a little bit? [Abunch of gold coins weigh more than a stack of dollarsin a balance] I love touching gold. I would never dothis with mere paper money. [Lady caresses her facewith a gold coin. Kisses it.] “Guold” I love it. Thereis no better time to invest in gold than right aroundthe time that it is now. [Lady goes into a goldenliving room] Look around my living room. Every surfaceis covered in 100% real gold. [In a golden table aphoto of Goldie Hawn, a goldfish in a bowl, the ladydrinks a glass of orange juice] I’m not drinking gold.I wish. This is orange juice but the brand is FloridaGold. I guarantee you’ll spend hours caressing yourgold, [hands caressing gold coins] massaging yourgold, [hands massaging gold coins] washing your face in”guold” [lady splashes gold coins in her face likewater in slow motion] What time is it? Oh, I know. It’stime for you to call Monex and invest in”guold”. [1-800-555-0199. Coins splashing around] Calltoday and tomorrow you’ll be enjoying your “guold”,touching your “guold”, golding your gold “guold” [Ladyis ecstatic in a shower of gold coins] Well? Convinced?I think I made a really good case for “guold”.Speaking of gold case. [Lady picks up goldenbriefcase] I’m late for work. I work for gold. Ohh, Ibetter put this on. [Lady puts on a golden scarf] It’sgetting “gold” outside. [Monex logo, coins splasharound] Monex. “Guold”.

[Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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