SNL Transcripts: Julia Louis-Dreyfus: 03/17/07: Monex


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 15

06o: Julia Louis-Dreyfus / Snow Patrol


Monex Spokeperson….Kristen Wiig

[Opens with rich lady in a elegant,upscale room.]

Monex Spokeperson: Is there anything more satisfyingthat owning gold and holding it in your hands? [Camerasplits showing hands caressing gold coins. Stacks ofgold coins in the background] What? You mean, you’venever experienced it? Then call Monex now for thisinformative brochure and vhs tape that will show youhow you can invest in gold. [Gold coins splash aroundon mountains of golden coins. 1-800-555-0199 Book andtape. Why gold? Why now?] Did you know that in the past12 years the value of gold has gone up a little bit? [Abunch of gold coins weigh more than a stack of dollarsin a balance] I love touching gold. I would never dothis with mere paper money. [Lady caresses her facewith a gold coin. Kisses it.] “Guold” I love it. Thereis no better time to invest in gold than right aroundthe time that it is now. [Lady goes into a goldenliving room] Look around my living room. Every surfaceis covered in 100% real gold. [In a golden table aphoto of Goldie Hawn, a goldfish in a bowl, the ladydrinks a glass of orange juice] I’m not drinking gold.I wish. This is orange juice but the brand is FloridaGold. I guarantee you’ll spend hours caressing yourgold, [hands caressing gold coins] massaging yourgold, [hands massaging gold coins] washing your face in”guold” [lady splashes gold coins in her face likewater in slow motion] What time is it? Oh, I know. It’stime for you to call Monex and invest in”guold”. [1-800-555-0199. Coins splashing around] Calltoday and tomorrow you’ll be enjoying your “guold”,touching your “guold”, golding your gold “guold” [Ladyis ecstatic in a shower of gold coins] Well? Convinced?I think I made a really good case for “guold”.Speaking of gold case. [Lady picks up goldenbriefcase] I’m late for work. I work for gold. Ohh, Ibetter put this on. [Lady puts on a golden scarf] It’sgetting “gold” outside. [Monex logo, coins splasharound] Monex. “Guold”.

[Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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