Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 15
The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll
Robin Antin…..Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Contestant 1…..Amy Poehler
Contestant 2…..Maya Rudolph
McKenzie Jazz…..Andy Samberg
Lil’ Kim…..Kenan Thompson
Contestant 3…..Kristen Wiig
(Super of “This Season” and then “New”)
Announcer: This Season on the new CW: Today’s hottest female group, The Pussy Cat Dolls, are searching for a brand new member.
(goes to contestant 3)
Contestant 3: (About to sob) I want this more than anything. (breaks sobbing, and then winks at the camera)
(goes to contestant 2)
Contestant 2: (sobbing) This is my dream.
(goes to contestant 1)
Contestant 1: This is literally the highest honor I can imagine.
(goes to different scenes of the contestants practicing)
Announcer: An exhaustive search to the nations dancers, singers, and pharmisutacal sales representatives, has come down to only the very best to these of these truly average women.
(goes to the judges)
Robin Antin: (cigarette in her mouth) We’re looking for a girl who most embodies what it truly means to be a (pauses and lights her cigarette) Pussy Cat Doll.
Announcer: Will they be up to the challenge (cuts to superior of “sort of sing”) to sort of sing?
(cuts to contestant 3)
Contestant 3: (singing) ayyaaayaayyyaaayaa!
(cuts to a superior of “Sort of Dance”)
Announcer: To sort of dance?
(cuts to contestant 1 dancing and panting very hard)
(cuts to superior of “Not Write Songs”)
Announcer: To not write songs?
(cuts to contestant 2, just staring blankly at the camera)
(cuts to superior of “Passably Attractive From A Distance”)
Announcer: To be passably attractive from a distance…
(cuts to superior of “Not Detract Attention From The Lead Singer”)
Announcer: but not detract attention from the lead singer? All wow- less standing weakly judging from people like this.
(cuts to the judges once again)
Robin Antin: Your kind of mildly entertaining performance is what this competition is all about. You remind me of myself back when I was 45.
McKenzie Jazz: That was totally passable, you’re on to the next round.
Lil’ Kim: Bitch, you’re worse than me. Nice work.
(cuts to the contestants all sobbing)
Contestant 2: Thank you so much.
Announcer: The search for the next doll.
Robin Antin: The point of this competition is to find America’s most talented and beautiful singers and dancers. (looks to the offstage crew members) Oh, it’s not?
Announcer: Only one will achieve the honor of being made one of seven girls whose names I don’t know, to stand behind the lead singer whose name I also don’t know. The Pussy Cat Dolls presents, The Search for the Next Doll, only on the CW.
Submitted by: Conner Bourgoin