SNL Transcripts: Peyton Manning: 03/24/07


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 16

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


March 24th, 2007

Peyton Manning

Carrie Underwood


Archie Manning

Eli Manning

Olivia Manning

Dan Aykroyd

Cooper Manning

A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: Alberto Gonzales (Fred Armisen) reacts nervously as President George W. Bush (Jason Sudeikis) speaks about him to the nation.

Recurring Characters: George W. Bush, Alberto Gonzales.


Peyton Manning’s MonologueSummary: Peyton Manning tells the audience what inspires him and introduces his family.

Note: In dress rehearsal, Amy Poehler played a Patriots fan who heckles Manning from the audience.

Bio: Peyton Manning (1976-). Athlete; quarterback for Indianapolis Colts since 1998; MVP at Super Bowl XLI (2007); runs his own charity organization, the Peyback Foundation.

Bio: Archie Manning (1949-). Athlete; best remembered as quarterback for New Orleans Saints, 1971-82.

Bio: Eli Manning (1981-). Athlete; quarterback for New York Giants since 2004.


United WaySummary: Peyton Manning treats young kids roughly while serving as their mentor.


Bronx Beat with Betty & JodiSummary: Betty Caruso (Amy Poehler) and Jodi Deitz (Maya Rudolph) chatter with an attractive zookeeper (Peyton Manning).

Recurring Characters: Betty Caruso, Josi Deitz.

ESPN’s NCAA Tournament Pool PartySummary: A ditzy secretary (Amy Poehler) has managed a perfect pool score by making picks that have nothing to do with sports knowledge.


Penelope the Party PooperSummary: Penelope (Kristen Wiig) one-ups party guests.


TV FunhouseSummary: In Rob Smigel’s parody of educational children’s cartoons, little explorer Maraka and her pet cat seek audience participation to rescue a baby penguin.


Locker Room MotivationSummary: Coach (Will Forte) tries to inspire his basketball team’s impending loss by playing the 1967 theme from “Casino Royale.”


Carrie Underwood performs “Before He Cheats”Bio: Carrie Underwood (1983-). Country pop singer/songwriter; fourth season winner from “American Idol”.

Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth MeyersSummary: Tim Calhoun (Will Forte) announces his bid to run for President in 2008. Seth Meyers discusses the fate of a polar bear cub during “Zoo News.” The song stylings of “American Idol” contestant, Sanjaya (Andy Samberg), brings audience members (Kristen Wiig, Fred Armisen) and Dan Aykroyd to tears.

Recurring Characters: Tim Calhoun, Sanjaya.

300Summary: While filming a climactic scene from “300”, an actor (Peyton Manning) frustrates the film’s director (Jason Sudeikis) by refusing to throw a large rock at a fellow actor (Fred Armisen).


Carrie Underwood performs “Wasted”

Coffee ChatSummary: Porch sitter (Kristen Wiig) and her husband (Peyton Manning) dispense distasteful gossip while drinking coffee on their back porch.

Recurring Characters: Porch Sitter.


Meatloaf LoversSummary: Peyton Manning loves the new Mercedes-550 because he can cook a tasty meat loaf while he drives pantsless.


Air Force OneSummary: The perfect shoe for white guys who don’t have basketball skills.

Note: This commercial parody was cut from the dress rehearsals for the last three episodes.


GoodnightsBio: Cooper Manning (1974-). Oldest Manning brother, and the only one of the three who did not pursue a career in professional football.



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Jojo the BusboySummary: Spunky country club valet, Jojo (Amy Poehler), hits on female tennis player (Maya Rudolph).

Prison Folk GroupSummary: Prisoners react violently to a pair of effeminate folk singers (Peyton Manning, Fred Armisen) performing for them.

Vegas RevueSummary: Two women (Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig) in Las Vegas are eager to see an Elvis impersonator (Peyton Manning) perform.

Appalachian Emergency RoomSummary: More hijinks with the Appalachian Emergency Room crowd.

Recurring Characters: Receptionist, Percy Bo Dance, Netti Bo Dance.

Mrs. HastingsSummary: Mrs. Hastings (Kenan Thompson) tries to seduce Peyton Manning at a party.

Recurring Characters: Mrs. Hastings.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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