Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 16
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
March 24th, 2007
Peyton Manning
Carrie Underwood
None
Archie Manning
Eli Manning
Olivia Manning
Dan Aykroyd
Cooper Manning
A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: Alberto Gonzales (Fred Armisen) reacts nervously as President George W. Bush (Jason Sudeikis) speaks about him to the nation.
Recurring Characters: George W. Bush, Alberto Gonzales.
Montage
Peyton Manning’s MonologueSummary: Peyton Manning tells the audience what inspires him and introduces his family.
Note: In dress rehearsal, Amy Poehler played a Patriots fan who heckles Manning from the audience.
Bio: Peyton Manning (1976-). Athlete; quarterback for Indianapolis Colts since 1998; MVP at Super Bowl XLI (2007); runs his own charity organization, the Peyback Foundation.
Bio: Archie Manning (1949-). Athlete; best remembered as quarterback for New Orleans Saints, 1971-82.
Bio: Eli Manning (1981-). Athlete; quarterback for New York Giants since 2004.
Transcript
United WaySummary: Peyton Manning treats young kids roughly while serving as their mentor.
Transcript
Bronx Beat with Betty & JodiSummary: Betty Caruso (Amy Poehler) and Jodi Deitz (Maya Rudolph) chatter with an attractive zookeeper (Peyton Manning).
Recurring Characters: Betty Caruso, Josi Deitz.
ESPN’s NCAA Tournament Pool PartySummary: A ditzy secretary (Amy Poehler) has managed a perfect pool score by making picks that have nothing to do with sports knowledge.
Transcript
Penelope the Party PooperSummary: Penelope (Kristen Wiig) one-ups party guests.
Transcript
TV FunhouseSummary: In Rob Smigel’s parody of educational children’s cartoons, little explorer Maraka and her pet cat seek audience participation to rescue a baby penguin.
Transcript
Locker Room MotivationSummary: Coach (Will Forte) tries to inspire his basketball team’s impending loss by playing the 1967 theme from “Casino Royale.”
Transcript
Carrie Underwood performs “Before He Cheats”Bio: Carrie Underwood (1983-). Country pop singer/songwriter; fourth season winner from “American Idol”.
Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth MeyersSummary: Tim Calhoun (Will Forte) announces his bid to run for President in 2008. Seth Meyers discusses the fate of a polar bear cub during “Zoo News.” The song stylings of “American Idol” contestant, Sanjaya (Andy Samberg), brings audience members (Kristen Wiig, Fred Armisen) and Dan Aykroyd to tears.
Recurring Characters: Tim Calhoun, Sanjaya.
300Summary: While filming a climactic scene from “300”, an actor (Peyton Manning) frustrates the film’s director (Jason Sudeikis) by refusing to throw a large rock at a fellow actor (Fred Armisen).
Transcript
Carrie Underwood performs “Wasted”
Coffee ChatSummary: Porch sitter (Kristen Wiig) and her husband (Peyton Manning) dispense distasteful gossip while drinking coffee on their back porch.
Recurring Characters: Porch Sitter.
Transcript
Meatloaf LoversSummary: Peyton Manning loves the new Mercedes-550 because he can cook a tasty meat loaf while he drives pantsless.
Transcript
Air Force OneSummary: The perfect shoe for white guys who don’t have basketball skills.
Note: This commercial parody was cut from the dress rehearsals for the last three episodes.
Transcript
GoodnightsBio: Cooper Manning (1974-). Oldest Manning brother, and the only one of the three who did not pursue a career in professional football.
Transcript
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Dress Rehearsal Cuts
Jojo the BusboySummary: Spunky country club valet, Jojo (Amy Poehler), hits on female tennis player (Maya Rudolph).
Prison Folk GroupSummary: Prisoners react violently to a pair of effeminate folk singers (Peyton Manning, Fred Armisen) performing for them.
Vegas RevueSummary: Two women (Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig) in Las Vegas are eager to see an Elvis impersonator (Peyton Manning) perform.
Appalachian Emergency RoomSummary: More hijinks with the Appalachian Emergency Room crowd.
Recurring Characters: Receptionist, Percy Bo Dance, Netti Bo Dance.
Mrs. HastingsSummary: Mrs. Hastings (Kenan Thompson) tries to seduce Peyton Manning at a party.
Recurring Characters: Mrs. Hastings.
