SNL Transcripts: Peyton Manning: 03/24/07: TV Funhouse


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 16

06p: Peyton Manning / Carrie Underwood

TV Funhouse

written by: Robert Smigel, Matt O’Brien

Voices…..Becca Lish

(The bumper comes up of Payton Manning and then fades into the TV Funhouse logo. It cuts to the theme song of Maraka.)

Theme song:
“Maraka, Maraka
Adventures, adventures
(Spanish saying)

Maraka: Hola, hello! I’m Maraka. Soy Maraka. Do you know who this is? (re: Mittens) [beat]

Mittens: That’s right! I’m Mittens! Soy Mittens!

Maraka: Mittens is a cat. Mittens es un gato. Do you like penguins? [pause] Me too! Mittens and I are on our way to Penguin Island. (She randomly holds up a fifty dollar bill) Can you break a fifty?

Mittens: Hey, Maraka, what’s over there?

(They zoom to the left and we see it’s an air balloon.)

Maraka: Do you see anything that can take us to la montaña? The mountain?

(The mouse arrow key moves and clicks above the air balloon and we hear the click sound from the mouse.)

Maraka: Right! It’s a balloon! Es un globo! [she pumps her hands together after she and Mittens get in the hot air balloon] Pump your hands together to make the balloon fill up! Pump them harder! (the balloon air bags grow gradually get bigger) Come on! Harder! What’s wrong with you?! (the air balloon fills up completely) There! You did it!

Maraka & Mittens: (together they sing) “We’re flying, estamos volando!”

(Maraka pulls out her binoculars and looks into them.)

Maraka: I’m using my binoculars (Spanish phrase) [cut to inside the binoculars] (O.S.): Hey! Look! One of the mommy penguins is missing her egg! (cuts back to outside her binoculars) Can you tell me how to check for a hernia? (pause) Muy bueno! (she looks back into her binoculars) [cuts to inside her binoculars] Wait! There’s the egg right now! It’s being carried away by a bird! (cuts to back outside her binoculars) We need to get that egg! (randomly) Can you help me decide if Robert Blake was innocent? (pause) That’s interesting! Interesante! I’ve never considered the testimonial (Spanish phrase) The bird is getting away! We’ve got to tell the bird to put the egg down! Say “Put it down!” Again! (she starts flapping her arms like a bird) Now flap your wings while you do it! Flap your wings and yell! Don’t question it just do it. Louder!

Bird: Sorry. (drops the egg)

Maraka: You did it! And look! [the egg hatches, revealing a baby penguin] The pequeño little pingüino penguin just hatched! Tramado! (She randomly pulls out a picture of a possible man or woman) Can you tell me if this person’s a girl or a guy? (pause) You’re right! ¡Bueno!

(The air balloon lands on some snow.)

Maraka: We’re on Penguin Island! And look! (Cut to baby penguin trying to walk) Look! Mire! Baby pingüino — [a mixture of Spanish, Swahili, and a host of other languages] We have to help baby penguin down the mountain! (randomly) Do you know why my father left me? (pause) ¡Bueno! Now let’s show baby penguin how to slide down the mountain like a penguin! (while she’s saying this, Mittens pulls out a picture of a penguin sliding down the snow hill) Get on your tummy like a penguin so we can show the baby penguin how to slide down the mountain! Get on your tummy! On your tummy! Do it ass—-! (They start sliding)

Maraka: (sings in Spanish as they slide)

(They get down.)

Maraka: Uh-oh. Do you see anything heading toward baby penguin?

(Cuts to baby penguin down the hill, but on top of the hill a giant ball of snow is coming its way.)

(The arrow clicks on the snowball to answer Maraka’s question)

Maraka: ¡Bueno! Es canto mortal enorme! An enormous deadly boulder!

(The ball is coming closer and closer towards baby penguin)

Mittens: (shrieks) Baby penguin!! (he dives into the penguin and pushes the penguin out of the way)

Maraka: Say hooray! (They jump and say “Hooray!”) Mittens saved baby penguin! If Mittens chose to save baby penguin based on his beliefs, and Mitten’s beliefs are not in his direct control, does Mittens really have free will?

(Both of the penguins stand there puzzled)

(The theme music plays again as it fades out)

Submitted by: Crosby Waller

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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Evan Simpson
Evan Simpson
3 years ago

Looks funny! But fix the part where she says “Do with us–[beep]” instead of “Do it ass—-!”.

Evan Simpson
Evan Simpson
Reply to  Evan Simpson
3 years ago

Also, I’m new here. Hi!

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