SNL Transcripts: Scarlett Johansson: 04/21/07


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 18

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

Guest Writers:

April 21st, 2007

Scarlett Johansson



Sen. Charles Schumer

Bryan Tucker

Chris Gethard
President Bush Press ConferenceSummary: On C-Span, President George W. Bush (Jason Sudeikis) tackles reporters’ questions about events surrounding the Alberto Gonzales resignation.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush.

Bio: Charles Schumer (1950-). Politician; Senior Senator from New York since 1999; U.S. House of Representatives, 1981-99; led the effort to have Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resign after firing eight U.S. Attorneys.


Scarlett Johansson’s MonologueSummary: Scarlett Johansson and “Americna Idol” reject, Sanjaya (Andy Samberg), sing “Something to Talk About.”

Also Hosted: 05j.

Recurring Characters: Sanjaya.

Live! With Regis & KellySummary: Regis Philbin (Darrell Hammond) returns to the show, following his triple bypass surgery, and co-star Kelly Ripa (Amy Poehler) can’t wait to over-exert him during an interview with Ivanka Trump (Scarlett Johansson).

Recurring Characters: Regis Philbin, Kelly Ripa.

Note: Regis Philbin will return to “Live!” on April 26th.

Mrs. HastingsSummary: Mrs. Hastings (Kenan Thompson) seeks a prom dress for her latest ghetto-acting stepdaughter (Scarlett Johansson).

Recurring Characters: Mrs. Hastings.


An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Andy Samberg raps affectionately about his brother-in-law Roy (Bryan Tucker), because “Roy Rules!”

Note: This Digital Short finally airs, after being cut from two of the last three dress rehearsals.


Mike’s MarbleopolisSummary: In case chandeliers aren’t right for you, buy a marble column from Mike (Fred Armisen) to add that extra touch of class to your mundane daily activities.

Recurring Characters: Mike, Lexie.


WIIX NewsSummary: Reporter Michelle Dison (Kristin Wiig) is back on the scene, and this time she’s strangely attracted to Bonnie Cox (Scarlett Johansson) during their interview.

Recurring Characters: Gil, Michelle Dison.


Bjork performs “Earth Intruders”Also Performed: 97c.

Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth MeyersSummary: Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler once again ask “Really!?!” when Alberto Gonzales announces that he won’t be resigning as Attorney General. Will Forte performs a song for Earth Day, but focuses more on the movie “Battlefield Earth.”


KuatosSummary: Friends think they’re going to announce an engagement, but lovers Danny (Bill Hader) and susan (Maya Rudolph) just want everyone to meet the Kuatos (Andy Samberg, Scarlett Johansson) who live in their stomachs.

Recurring Characters: Danny, Kuato, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

News MakersSummary: An embarrassed Jane Pauley (Kristen Wiig) reports on Internet celebrities who have gained recognition through their viral videos, such as Mini-Mall Guy (Kenan Thompson), Little Superstar (Fred Armisen), the Grape-Stomping Lady (Scarlett Johansson) and the Star Wars Kid (Will Forte).

Recurring Characters: Jane Pauley.

TV FunhouseSummary: In Rob Smigel’s “Torboto”, a robot singlehandedly fights the war on terror.

Bjork performs “Wanderlust”



Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Two A-Holes at a Yoga ClassSummary: The Two A-Holes (Jason Sudeikis, Kristen Wiig) join a yoga class.

Recurring Characters: Male A-Hole, Female A-Hole.

Attention ShoppersSummary: While shopping, a woman (Scarlett Johansson) runs into her ex-boyfriend, an employee at the supermarket who makes rude comments about her over the loudspeaker.

Hardware StoreSummary: Shopper (Fred Armisen) makes a scene at the hardware store by dropping things on his penis.

La Rivista Della Televisione con Vinny VedecciSummary: Fast-talking Italian talk show host Vinny Vedecci (Bill Hader) interviews Scarlett Johansson.

American Justice

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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