SNL Transcripts: Molly Shannon: 05/12/07: MacGruber

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 19

06s: Molly Shannon / Linkin Park


April…..Molly Shannon
Casey…..Maya Rudolph
MacGruber…..Will Forte

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
Getting in and out of ultra-sticky situations!
He’s 15 years sober!

[CUT to MacGruber in a thumbs-up pose against footage of flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[CUT to an arch-shaped bridge along a series of rolling hills. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Boobytrapped Bridge.” CUT to a sign marked “Bridge Control Room” as sirens wail.]

April: [struggling with locked door] Holy smokes, Macgruber! There’s no way out!

Casey: That’s not our only problem, Macgruber — that dirty bomb’s gonna detonate in 15 seconds!

MacGruber: [intensely] Alright, everyone keep it together! Okay, if we’re gonna get out of here — and we ARE gonna get out of here — we need to focus up!

Casey: [ looking at her watch ] TEN seconds!

April: What do we do, Macgruber!

MacGruber: Casey! Hand me that beaker!

Casey: You got it, Macgruber!

MacGruber: April! I need exactly FOUR ounces of tomato juice!

April: On the way, Macgruber!

MacGruber: Casey! Hand me that celery!

Casey: Celery! Check!

MacGruber: [ frantic ] Okay! Has anybody seen any tobasco sauce?

April: Uh — [ looking around the room, then crinkles her nose suspiciously ] Macgruber, are you making a drink?

[MacGruber sips a homemade Bloody Mary]

MacGruber: What’s up?

[CUT to the bridge exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[FADE to black over applause.]

SNL Transcripts

Notify of