SNL Transcripts: Molly Shannon: 05/12/07: MacGruber


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 19

06s: Molly Shannon / Linkin Park


April…..Molly Shannon
Casey…..Maya Rudolph
MacGruber…..Will Forte

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
Getting in and out of ultra-sticky situations!
He’s 15 years sober!

[CUT to MacGruber in a thumbs-up pose against footage of flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[CUT to an arch-shaped bridge along a series of rolling hills. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Boobytrapped Bridge.” CUT to a sign marked “Bridge Control Room” as sirens wail.]

April: [struggling with locked door] Holy smokes, Macgruber! There’s no way out!

Casey: That’s not our only problem, Macgruber — that dirty bomb’s gonna detonate in 15 seconds!

MacGruber: [intensely] Alright, everyone keep it together! Okay, if we’re gonna get out of here — and we ARE gonna get out of here — we need to focus up!

Casey: [ looking at her watch ] TEN seconds!

April: What do we do, Macgruber!

MacGruber: Casey! Hand me that beaker!

Casey: You got it, Macgruber!

MacGruber: April! I need exactly FOUR ounces of tomato juice!

April: On the way, Macgruber!

MacGruber: Casey! Hand me that celery!

Casey: Celery! Check!

MacGruber: [ frantic ] Okay! Has anybody seen any tobasco sauce?

April: Uh — [ looking around the room, then crinkles her nose suspiciously ] Macgruber, are you making a drink?

[MacGruber sips a homemade Bloody Mary]

MacGruber: What’s up?

[CUT to the bridge exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[FADE to black over applause.]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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