SNL Transcripts: Molly Shannon: 05/12/07: MacGruber



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 19





06s: Molly Shannon / Linkin Park

MacGruber

April…..Molly Shannon
Casey…..Maya Rudolph
MacGruber…..Will Forte

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Singers:
MacGruber!
Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
MacGruber!
Getting in and out of ultra-sticky situations!
MacGruber!
He’s 15 years sober!

[CUT to MacGruber in a thumbs-up pose against footage of flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[CUT to an arch-shaped bridge along a series of rolling hills. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Boobytrapped Bridge.” CUT to a sign marked “Bridge Control Room” as sirens wail.]

April: [struggling with locked door] Holy smokes, Macgruber! There’s no way out!

Casey: That’s not our only problem, Macgruber — that dirty bomb’s gonna detonate in 15 seconds!

MacGruber: [intensely] Alright, everyone keep it together! Okay, if we’re gonna get out of here — and we ARE gonna get out of here — we need to focus up!

Casey: [ looking at her watch ] TEN seconds!

April: What do we do, Macgruber!

MacGruber: Casey! Hand me that beaker!

Casey: You got it, Macgruber!

MacGruber: April! I need exactly FOUR ounces of tomato juice!

April: On the way, Macgruber!

MacGruber: Casey! Hand me that celery!

Casey: Celery! Check!

MacGruber: [ frantic ] Okay! Has anybody seen any tobasco sauce?

April: Uh — [ looking around the room, then crinkles her nose suspiciously ] Macgruber, are you making a drink?

[MacGruber sips a homemade Bloody Mary]

MacGruber: What’s up?

[CUT to the bridge exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[FADE to black over applause.]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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