Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 19
[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]
Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
Getting in and out of ultra-sticky situations!
He’s 15 years sober!
[CUT to MacGruber in a thumbs-up pose against footage of flames.]
[CUT to an arch-shaped bridge along a series of rolling hills. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Boobytrapped Bridge.” CUT to a sign marked “Bridge Control Room” as sirens wail.]
April: [struggling with locked door] Holy smokes, Macgruber! There’s no way out!
Casey: That’s not our only problem, Macgruber — that dirty bomb’s gonna detonate in 15 seconds!
MacGruber: [intensely] Alright, everyone keep it together! Okay, if we’re gonna get out of here — and we ARE gonna get out of here — we need to focus up!
Casey: [ looking at her watch ] TEN seconds!
April: What do we do, Macgruber!
MacGruber: Casey! Hand me that beaker!
Casey: You got it, Macgruber!
MacGruber: April! I need exactly FOUR ounces of tomato juice!
April: On the way, Macgruber!
MacGruber: Casey! Hand me that celery!
Casey: Celery! Check!
MacGruber: [ frantic ] Okay! Has anybody seen any tobasco sauce?
April: Uh — [ looking around the room, then crinkles her nose suspiciously ] Macgruber, are you making a drink?
[MacGruber sips a homemade Bloody Mary]
MacGruber: What’s up?
[CUT to the bridge exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]
[FADE to black over applause.]