SNL Transcripts: Molly Shannon: 05/12/07: MacGruber II


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 19

06s: Molly Shannon / Linkin Park

MacGruber II

April…..Molly Shannon
Casey…..Maya Rudolph
MacGruber…..Will Forte

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
He has a drink or two each night, but it doesn’t affect his job!
The guy’s a social drinker!

[CUT to MacGruber chugging a bottle against footage of flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[CUT to grassed hut along a riverbank. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “P.O.W. Prison Camp.” CUT to a sign marked “Prison Control Room” as sirens wail.]

April: [struggling with locked door] Damn! This door is locked from the outside!

Casey: As soon as that liquid hydrogen’s released, this baby’s gonna blow sky-high!

April: What’s the plan, Macgruber?

MacGruber: [leaning back casually with a shot glass in his hands] I wanna kiss you on the mouth.

April: What?!

Casey: [ looking at her watch ] TEN seconds!

April: What do we do, Macgruber!

MacGruber: Okay, okay, quickly. [ puts his shot glass down ] April, hand me that guitar. [ April reaches for a guitar ] Give me the guitar, give me the guitar! [ April hands him the guitar ] Come on. Okay, check this out: [ plays the guitar and sings ] “Macgruber. I’ve got ten inches of lovin’, and I want to give it to ya’ –“

April: [ incredulous ] Are you drunk?

MacGruber: [ still singing ] “Macgruber. Okay, maybe it’s not ten, but it’s certainly seven –“

April: Come on, man! Do something!

MacGruber: [ still singing ] “Macgruber. Okay, it’s more like five, maybe four. Macgruuuuuber –“

[CUT to the prison camp exploding into flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[FADE to black over applause.]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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