Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 19
[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]
Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
He has a drink or two each night, but it doesn’t affect his job!
The guy’s a social drinker!
[CUT to MacGruber chugging a bottle against footage of flames.]
[CUT to grassed hut along a riverbank. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “P.O.W. Prison Camp.” CUT to a sign marked “Prison Control Room” as sirens wail.]
April: [struggling with locked door] Damn! This door is locked from the outside!
Casey: As soon as that liquid hydrogen’s released, this baby’s gonna blow sky-high!
April: What’s the plan, Macgruber?
MacGruber: [leaning back casually with a shot glass in his hands] I wanna kiss you on the mouth.
Casey: [ looking at her watch ] TEN seconds!
April: What do we do, Macgruber!
MacGruber: Okay, okay, quickly. [ puts his shot glass down ] April, hand me that guitar. [ April reaches for a guitar ] Give me the guitar, give me the guitar! [ April hands him the guitar ] Come on. Okay, check this out: [ plays the guitar and sings ] “Macgruber. I’ve got ten inches of lovin’, and I want to give it to ya’ –“
April: [ incredulous ] Are you drunk?
MacGruber: [ still singing ] “Macgruber. Okay, maybe it’s not ten, but it’s certainly seven –“
April: Come on, man! Do something!
MacGruber: [ still singing ] “Macgruber. Okay, it’s more like five, maybe four. Macgruuuuuber –“
[CUT to the prison camp exploding into flames.]
[FADE to black over applause.]