SNL Transcripts: Molly Shannon: 05/12/07: MacGruber III


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 19

06s: Molly Shannon / Linkin Park

MacGruber III

April…..Molly Shannon
MacGruber…..Will Forte

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of divorce forms and hookers approaching motor vehicles.]

He’s recently divorced, and he’s filing for bankruptcy!
Unprotected sex with hookers is a nightly occurrence!
The dude’s a raging alcoholic!

[CUT to a disheveled MacGruber walking drunk in front of footage of flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[CUT to drug lord headquarters in the jungle. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Drug Lord Headquarters.” CUT to a sign marked “Drug Lord Control Room” as sirens wail.]

[ Macgruber is stretched topless across the floor while mucnhing on a hamburger ]

April: You wanna get up, Macgruber?

MacGruber: [ slurred ] Where’s Casey?

April: She quit.

MacGruber: Well, then, I quit!

April: You can’t quit! You have to diffuse the bomb! Do you remember the bomb?

[ camera pans next to MacGruber to reveal the C4 bomb ]

MacGruber: What bomb?

April: The bomb you made when you were drunk!

MacGruber: [ extended silence ] What time..?

April: I don’t know.. I’m gonna get out of here, I’m quitting, too.

MacGruber: Well, okay.. [ continues to munch on the pieces of his hamburger ] [CUT to the drug lord headquarters exploding into flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[FADE to black over applause.]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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