SNL Transcripts: Molly Shannon: 05/12/07: MacGruber III

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 32: Episode 19

06s: Molly Shannon / Linkin Park

MacGruber III

April…..Molly Shannon
MacGruber…..Will Forte

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of divorce forms and hookers approaching motor vehicles.]

He’s recently divorced, and he’s filing for bankruptcy!
Unprotected sex with hookers is a nightly occurrence!
The dude’s a raging alcoholic!

[CUT to a disheveled MacGruber walking drunk in front of footage of flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[CUT to drug lord headquarters in the jungle. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Drug Lord Headquarters.” CUT to a sign marked “Drug Lord Control Room” as sirens wail.]

[ Macgruber is stretched topless across the floor while mucnhing on a hamburger ]

April: You wanna get up, Macgruber?

MacGruber: [ slurred ] Where’s Casey?

April: She quit.

MacGruber: Well, then, I quit!

April: You can’t quit! You have to diffuse the bomb! Do you remember the bomb?

[ camera pans next to MacGruber to reveal the C4 bomb ]

MacGruber: What bomb?

April: The bomb you made when you were drunk!

MacGruber: [ extended silence ] What time..?

April: I don’t know.. I’m gonna get out of here, I’m quitting, too.

MacGruber: Well, okay.. [ continues to munch on the pieces of his hamburger ] [CUT to the drug lord headquarters exploding into flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[FADE to black over applause.]

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