SNL Transcripts: Zach Braff: 05/19/07

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 32: Episode 20


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


May 19th, 2007

Zach Braff

Maroon 5

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A Message From the President of the United StatesSummary: President George W. Bush (Jason Sudeikis) announces that he’s taking off for summer vacation and leaving Condoleeza Rice (Maya Rudolph) in charge.

Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Condoleeza Rice.

Transcript

Montage

Zach Braff’s MonologueSummary: Zach Braff sings about his home state, New Jersey.

Bio: Zach Braff (1975-). Actor; starred on “Scrubs” since 2001; starred, wrote, directed, and produced the soundtrack for “Garden State” in 2004.

Transcript

An SNL Digital ShortSummary: While inquiring about an apartment, a man (Andy Samberg) finds himself being seduced into some “Dog Love” by his new roommate’s (Zach Braff) furry pal (Bill Hader).

Transcript

Prom Committee MeetingSummary: Snobby committee leaders (Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph) aren’t keen on listening to outside ideas for prom themes from their less-than-demure classmates.

Recurring Characters: Lyle Kane.

Transcript

Deep House DishSummary: DJ Dynasty Handbag (Kenan Thompson) laughs briefly at one of co-host T’Shane’s (Andy Samberg) lame jokes, then they dish out more of the club music scene.

Recurring Characters: DJ Dynasty Handbag, T’Shane.

TV FunhouseSummary: Rob Smigel presents “Decision ’08: Spring ’07 Cleaning”, in which various Democratic and Republican presidential contenders come clean with their dirtiest secrets on “Oprah.”

Note: An audience member screams out “Exit Only!” after reading the expression from a tattoo on Rudolph Guiliani’s ass.

The WeightSummary: While in a bar, the sounds of “The Weight” on the jukebox spurns memories of unusual life-changing events for four buddies (Zach Braff, Bill Hader, Will Forte, Jason Sudeikis).

Recurring Characters: Buddies.

Maroon 5 performs “Makes Me Wonder”Also Performed: 03m.

Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth MeyersSummary: Culture correspondent, Amy’s Aunt Linda (Kristen Wiig), reviews some of the summer movie sequels coming out. Sam Waterson (Fred Armisen) takes offense to a joke about NBC’s renewal of “Law & Order.” Whitney Houston (Maya Rudolph) makes a surprise visit to the desk so she can ramble incoherently.

Recurring Characters: Aunt Linda, Whitney Houston.

Transcript

La Revista Della TelevisioneSummary: Fast-talking Italian talk show host Vinny Vedecci (Bill Hader) interviews Zach Braff.

Recurring Characters: Vinny Vedecci.

Transcript

Bronx Beat with Betty & JodiSummary: Betty Caruso (Amy Poehler) and Jodi Deitz (Maya Rudolph) chatter with an attractive intern (Zach Braff).

Recurring Characters: Betty Caruso, Josi Deitz.

Maroon 5 performs “Won’t Go Home Without You”

Melissa the ReceptionistSummary: Brian Grazer’s (Bill Hader) nerdy receptionist, Melissa (Fred Armisen), hits on Zach Braff.

Note: This sketch was cut from last season’s episode hosted by Tom Hanks.

Transcript

GoodnightsTranscript

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Dress Rehearsal Cuts

The SuperSummary: Tenants try to find a way to fire their apartment super.

Al Gore Talks to AmericaSummary: Al Gore (Darrell Hammond) rants further about global warming.

Recurring Characters: Al Gore.

ProactiveSummary: Dina Lohan (Kristen Wiig) touts Proactive.

IntrovertsSummary: Introverted co-workers Neil (Will Forte) and Jean (Kristen Wiig) discuss the purchase of glue from a Staples clerk (Zach Braff).

Recurring Characters: Neil, Jean.

DeodorantSummary: J.T. (Zach Braff) deodorizes elderly patients before operating on them.

Al Pacino Does Last-Minute Gift ShoppingSummary: Al Pacino (Bill Hader) calls an operator (Kristen Wiig) so he can do some last-minute gift shopping.

Recurring Characters: Al Pacino.

SNL Transcripts