Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 32: Episode 20
La Rivista Della Televisione con Vinny Vedecci
Vinny Vedecci….Bill Hader
Show’s Director….Fred Armisen
Announcer: [speaks Italian] …La Rivista dellaTelevisione e con Vinny Vedecci.
[Cut to montage of American celebrities Don Johnson,Alf, Brian Austin Green intercut with Vinny in hiswhite suit handsomely posing, throwing his jacket overhis shoulder, in a heated debate and finally posingwith a lit cigarrette and winks at the camera]
Vinny Vedecci V/O: Ragazze, regazze a tempo de ver LaRivista della Televisione con mio Vinny Vedecci!!
[Vinny is sitting at a table smoking and having agreat time. An ashtray is in front of him overflowingwith smoking cigarrettes.]
Vinny Vedecci: Hey!, bisioso!, bisioso! he, he, he,Vinny Vedecci con sipio he, he, he. Eta notte conocerolo ranto della cinema americano conocendo arabande”The Ex” comparto “Scrubs” conderasantes, Zach Braff!!
[TV star Zach Braff enters, shakes hands with Vinny,sits down with him.]
Vinny Vedecci: Hey!, hey!, hey! Zach Braff! hey!, Zach Braff!, hey!
Zach Braff: Thank you, thank you. Very excited to be here.
Vinny Vedecci: Zach Braff, hey,hey. Zach Braff.
Zach Braff: Yes.
Vinny Vedecci: Ay, sito comparto eh, american cinema[more rapid italian dialect] compuso “Garden State” e”Scrub” eh, della televisione, diso compartes?
[Zach is lost]
Zach Braff: I’m sorry. I, I, I don’t speak Italian.
Vinny Vedecci: Eh?
Zach Braff: I don’t speak Italian. I was told there be some english, I…
[Vinny looks mad. He complains loudly in Italian tohis show’s director and assistant. The show’s directorand his assistant are both eating spaguettis besidesthe camera. The director with his earpiece looks madtoo, his assistant eats like nothing is happenning]
Show’s Director: Vincenzo, per favore!!![more loudItalian arguing, throws his fork with pasta into hisplate. Vinny is Italian mad] ….toccino, eh?
Vinny Vedecci: Toccino? Ha!, ha!, ha! Toccino! he!,he! he! [His director laughs with Vinny, their littleinside joke] Brrrr!! Toccino! He, he, he. Zach Braff.
Zach Braff: Yes, sir.
Vinny Vedecci: Conocerendo, conocendo Manhattan Murder Mystery? Heh?
Zach Braff: Oh, yes! Actually, Manhattan MurderMystery was my very first movie.
Vinny Vedecci: Oh, carasere, misteriando, carasere”Columbo”, eh? Peter Falk, eh?
Zach Braff: No,no,no. Peter Falk is not in that movie.
Vinny Vedecci: Oh, “Columbo”, “Columbo”, oh, “Columbo”e impressione, impressione, “Columbo”[A perfectimpression of Peter Falk’s “Columbo”] “One more thinglittle lady, if you never been to Mexico before thenwhat’s that sombrero doing in the backseat of your car!”
[Applause, Vinny smiles big]
Zach Braff: That’s great. That’s really great. It hasabsolutely nothing to do with Manhattan Murder Mysterybut it’s a very good impression.
Vinny Vedecci: Grazie, grazie, grazie. Zach Braff,Zach Braff, grazie. Zach Braff[more italian] ….a clip? Clip?
Zach Braff: Clip, I understand! Yes, I brought a clip.
Vinny Vedecci: Clip, clip on “Scrub”!
Zach Braff: Yes, sir.
[Cut to a clip of the series “Scrubs”. Zach’scharacter talks to the black chick and the blond chickof the show in a deep,grave dubbed italian voice. Thegirls are dubbed in Italian too. The music is dramaticin tone. A monkey wearing a busboy outfit runs around,they all speak in deep, desperate dubbed Italianvoices. Monkey bangs hand into the glass window, scenefreezes. Clip ends devoid of color and with a sting of dramatic music]
[Returns to studio. Zach looks confused]
Vinny Vedecci: Oooh!, molto dramatico! Si, serabandes!
[Show’s Director is crying in his spaguetti. Assistant cries but keeps eating]
Show’s Director: Cosa triste es “Scrubs”!
Zach Braff: I’m sorry, is “Scrubs” a drama in this country?
Vinny Vedecci: No drama. Number one drama!!
Zach Braff: No, I’m sorry but “Scrubs” is a comedy.
Vinny Vedecci: Comedy? Eh, not that funny.
Zach Braff: Is there a translator here? Maybe someone I can talk to?
[From under the table 2 crude puppets appear. Italian tarantella plays.]
Vinny Vedecci: Oh, oh. E senda coccino cavalle[more italian] Zach Braff!
[Puppet talks to Zach in a playful way.]
Puppet: [italian dialect] …oh dio, Zach Braff.
Vinny Vedecci: [playfully] Oh, oh Zach Braff, mea coccino….
Zach Braff: I’m not really sure what I’m supposed todo here.[to puppet] Hi, how are you?
Puppet: Mi primo dembarco, per favore?
Vinny Vedecci: She…wants…a kiss.
Zach Braff: A kiss? Ok, I can…I’ll give her a kiss.
[Zach leans in to kiss the puppet and suddenly thepuppet vomits on his face. Zach wipes vomit from hisface. He is not amused]
Vinny Vedecci: Ha!, ha!, ha! Zach Braff!! She vomit!!In your face!!!
[Vinny laughs wildly, director laughs, assistant eats,3 other tv crew members laugh and smoke cigarrettes]
Zach Braff: Very funny. That’s really funny.
Vinny Vedecci: Classico!, classico![imitates the vomitin the face] Blaaaah!!!! Oh, Zach Braff….ooohh[moreitalian. Vinny touches his watch indicating they areout of time] …so sorry Karate Gorilla.
[A man in a gorilla suit dressed in kimono and asianheadband looks mad that he will not make it in the show]
Vinny Vedecci: Grazie, Zach Braff. Of course-a VinnyVedecci. Good night, good night. [waves bye-bye]
Logo appears: La Rivista della Televisione con Vinny Vedecci.
[cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel