SNL Transcripts: LeBron James: 09/29/07: 106 & Park



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 33: Episode 1














07a: LeBron James / Kanye West

106 & Park

Rocsi…..Maya Rudolph
Terrence…..Kenan Thompson
…..Kanye West
Dakota Fanning…..Amy Poehler
Drake…..Will Forte
Josh…..Jason Sudeikis
Presenter…..Bill Hader
George F. Smoot…..John Lutz
Mayor…..Will Forte
…..LeBron James
…..Lorne Michaels

[ open on the “106 & Park” logo and graphics ] [ dissolve to Terrence, Rocsi, and Kanye West on the set ]

Rocsi: Alright, alright, alright! Welcome back to “106 & Park”! I’m Rocsi — this is Terrence — and we’re here with Kanye West! [ audience cheers ] Alright. So, Kanye, we were talking earlier about some of the bad press you received for your behavior at awards shows.

Kanye West: Yeah?

Terrence: Well, you famously took the stage and protested the 2006 European Music Awards, and, at the VMA’s this year, cameras caught you backstage visibly upset that you hadn’t won.

Kanye West: Yeah?

Rocsi: So how do you defend yourself from claims that you’re a poor loser and a crybaby?

Kanye West: I mean — I’m not here to defend myself! I mean, it’s no offense to the other artists, but I’m just passionate about my music, and, really, those are just isolated incidents, and they — they’ve just been blown way out of proportion!

Terrence: [ scoffs ] Okay. BUt what about your appearance at the Kid’s Choice Awards this year?

Kanye West: I mean — I mean, that was NOTHIN’, dawg!

Rocsi: Alright, well, let’s show that clip.

[ dissolve to Dakota Fanning standing onstage at the Kid’s Choice Awards ]

Dakota Fanning: It’s so weird that they asked me, Dakota Fanning, to present the award for Best TV Show — because I don’t even OWN a TV! And the Kid’s Choice Award for Best TV Show is — [ opens the envelope ] “Drake & Josh”!

[ Drake & Josh step forward to claim their award. But so does Kanye West. ]

Kanye West: Hell, no! Aw, hell — yo! No disrespect, man, like — I don’t even — I haven’t seen your show, I don’t even WATCH Nickolodeon! But.. HOW.. the hell.. they not gonna give a Kid’s Choice Award to Kanye West?! How Kid’s gonna be taken seriously if they keep making bad choices?! I used to believe children were our future — but F–K that!!

[ Kanye grabs the award from Drake & Josh, then exits the stage ] [ dissolve back to “106 & Park” ]

Terrence: I — I don’t know. You seemed upset, Kanye.

Kanye West: I mean — I really deserved that Kid’s Choice Award!

Terrence: But it was for Best TV Show. You don’t have a TV show.

Kanye West: I AM the greatest show on Earth! And I want to apologize for that.

Rocsi: Okay. But do you think you’re the best scientist on Earth?

Kanye West: I mean — perhaps. You know, it’s not about the — the Nobel Peace Prize!

Terrence: Yeah, let’s roll the clip.

[ dissolve to the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony ]

Presenter: It is my.. distinct honor to present the Nobel Prize for Physics to John C. Mather and George F. Smoot.. for their discoveries in the cosmic microwave bac —

[ Suddenly, Kanye West jumps onstage ]

Kanye West: Oh, HELL no!! Who’s picking this, man?! How the hell the Nobel Pace Prize for PHYSICS gonna go to ANYBODY but me?! That’s ridiculous! My album went Gold in a day, babe! My album went Gold in a DAY!! [ to the two scientists ] I ain’t heard of NONE of y’all theories! But if the Nobel Peace Prize isn’t going to ME.. the Nobel Peace Prize LOSES.. credibi — [ a spliced-in expletice is bleeped out ] [ Kanye runs off the stage ] [ dissolve back to “106 & Park” ]

Rocsi: Wow. So what happened there, Kanye?

Kanye West: I mean — you can’t trust the media. They edited that to make me look bad!

Terrence: Alright. Well, how do you explain your behavior at the Thistle Down County Fair last week?

Kanye West: I mean — I — I ain’t gonna hurt — that’s just wrongness!

Rocsi: Well, there was actually a camera there.

Kanye West: That’s freakin’ cameras!

Rocsi: Take a look at the tape!

[ dissolve to the NThistle Down County Fair ]

Mayor: And the Blue ribbon for Best Pumpkin goes to little Abigail Winters. [ hands the ribbon to the ltitle girl ] How old old are you, Abigail?

Little Girl: I’m eight years old.

Kanye West: Oh, heeeeellll no! [ he runs in carrying a pumpkin under his arms ] I got the best pumpkin! This pumpkin cost a MILLION dollars, man! [ hands it to the Mayor and lifts the top off ] It’s got champagne in it! How I lose to a eight year old?! [ grabs the ltitle girls’ ribbon ] You got a lot of years — you got a lot of years you can win this! I been doing this too long, man! I been doing this too long!

[ Kanye runs away from the scene ] [ dissolve back to “106 & Park” ]

Terrence: Wow. Damn, That’s pretty uncool, Kanye.

Kanye West: I mean — anybody with a trained eye can see that that was done with, uhh — computers. And, uhh — they CSI’ed me!

Terrence: You mean, CGI?

Kanye West: I mean, it doesn’t matter! I wasn’t there!

Terrence: Yes, but were you backstage at “Saturday Night Live” this weekend?

Kanye West: Of course I was!

Rocsi: Then, can you explain this?

[ dissolve to Kanye West frantically pacing in his dressing room at “Saturday Night Live” ]

Kanye West: Man, HOW they gonna have me on “Saturday Night Live” and I ain’t gonna host, man?! Seriously, man?! How they gonna have LeBron James over ME, man?! I’m TEN times the performer, man! Man, give a black man — give a SHORT black man a chance, man! [ he starts cursing about Lorne Michaels and throws furniture around his dressing room ] [ pan across to reveal LeBron James and Lorne Michaels standing in the hall ]

Lorne Michaels: I’m sure he’s talking about a different LeBron James.

LeBron James: Uh — and Im’ sure he’s talking about a different Lorne Michaels.

Lorne Michaels: [ thinking ] No. There’s — there’s only one Lorne Michaels.

[ dissolve back to “106 & Park” ]

Terrence: Uh — Kanye? Did you say those things?

Kanye West: [ almost speechless ] I — I wouldn’t trust the media!

Rocsi: Okay, well, we’re gonna take a little break, and wehen w come back on “106 & Park”, more screamiiiiiiiinggg!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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