Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 33: Episode 1
Best of Solid Gold
C. Micah Kring … Kenan Thompson
Mark … Will Forte
Alexander … LeBron James
Darcel … Maya Rudolph
Beverly … Kristen Wiig
Jamilah … Amy Poehler
C. Micah Kring: Hello! I am C. Micah Kring! If you’re like me, from 1980 to 1988, your entire life revolved around the show called “Solid Gold”! If you’re not like me, you were going out with your friends and laughing and having a very good time while I was watching that show. Now, for the third time ever, TimeLife presents The Best of Solid Gold! Re-experience this classic show, and reget the chills you got when you saw it for the first time. Who can forget that exciting Solid Gold intro?[Solid Gold logo pops up on screen, as the Solid Gold theme starts up]
Announcer: And the Solid Gold dancers! Darcel![goes onto screen with Darcel doing arm dances, then turning around to the screen and diving down during a camera close-up]
Announcer: Jamilah![goes onto screen with Jamilah running up, and throwing one of her arms up in the air, while the other is on her hip. She then poses during a dramatic close-up]
Announcer: Alexzander![audience starts cheering, as Alexzander comes running out flamboyantly, with a dramatic close-up]
Announcer: And Mark!
C. Micah Kring: Ohhh! Oooo! Wooo! Ohhh! Ohh. I still have long interpret dreams that involve that intro. Don’t we all? There was nothing else like it! There was also nothing else like watching the Solid Gold dancers moving slowly to very fast songs.[pans over to dancers, with Alexzander holding a very big cape to an old 1980s show theme song. He opens the cape, and the other 4 come out slowly dancing and crawling very very slowly. Eventually they all retreat, and Alexzander closes the cape back up. It pans back to C. Micah Kring]
C. Micah Kring: Ohh! At that time we believed that these were the best dancers in the world. Don’t you miss it? You’re probably thinking that I’ve got my moneys’ worth already, but there’s more! As a bonus, you’ll get extras like an extremely rare interview with the Solid Gold dancers![pans over to single shots of each dancer during interview clip]
Beverly: [starts twitching violently] Hi! I’m Beverly! I’m 5 foot 6 and weigh 108 pounds! In my spare time I like to make vests!
Jamilah: [starts talking fast, high, and nervously] Hi, I’m Jamilah, I’m 5 foot 6 and weigh… 108 pounds! I like long dressed walks on the beach!
Mark: Hi, I’m Mark! I’m 5 foot 6 and weigh 108 pounds! I like white jeans and Cinemax!
Darcel: Hi, I’m Darcel! I’m 5 foot 6 and weigh 108 pounds! My favorite color is tan and I enjoy bus rides.
Alexzander: Hi, I’m Alexzander, I’m 6 foot 8 and weigh 240 pounds. I like roasted whole turkeys. [smiles at the camera, then snatches smile away, and purses his lips] [pans back over to C. Micah Kring]
C. Micah Kring: Whoa. That was 1 of only 2 interviews that the Solid Gold Dancers ever gave. [For no reason at all, he starts to get angry] The other interview wasn’t nearly as fun or INFORMATIVE! [calms down] Enjoy as the Solid Gold Dancers sexy shake it to some of the most undancable songs ever written![pans over to the dancers dancing to “We Built This City” by Starship. Eventually, they all start to pose before the bridge of the song.] [pans back over to C. Micah Kring]
C. Micah Kring: [over-acting with laughter] Do I need to say any more?!? If you’re like me, you picked up the phone the moment the word ‘solid’ came out of my mouth! If you’re not like me, then you probably straight, and are not interested in this fantastic offer. So, do me a solid and order Solid Gold today! [claps hands together] [exterior of the Solid Gold DVD pops up]
Announcer: Available exclusively at Urban outfitters.[dims]
Submitted by: Conner Bourgoin