Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 33: Episode 1
07a: LeBron James / Kanye West
The Lyle Kane Show
Lyle Kane…..Will Forte
Daniel…..Bill Hader
Tim…..Lebron James
Announcer: You’re watching BET. Next up the premiere of The Lyle Kane show.
[Lame flute introduction plays] [The Lyle Kane Show logo] [Lyle Kane is a white nerd with cow-licked hair, apolo shirt buttomed all the way up, talks slowly. Hesits in his chair on his talk show]Lyle Kane: Hi, there. I’m Lyle Kane and this is mytalk show. First of all, I want to thank the blackE.T. channel for taking a chance on Lyle Kane. Just aformer valedictorian trying to make his way in theworld of black entertainment. Hi, there Black E.T.Channel. Thank you, there. I have tried to make thisshow as black as possible to cater to the Black E.T.channel audience. So please, say hello to the blackE.T. “Lyle Kane Show” band.
Daniel: Hi, there.
Lyle Kane: Hi, there. Before we get to the guest of myblack E.T. channel show “The Lyle Kane Show” hi there.I have time for a few jokes.[stands] Hey, what do youget when you cross a sweater with a knock-knock who’sthere at the door, a cross between a sweater and aknock-knock sweater?I hardly knew her, sweater Ihardly knew her who? Well, that did not go well.[sitsslowly]My first guest is here. He is standing rightover there behind the wall. It’s only like 20 feetaway. But we have the guest wait there until I calltheir name. And then they walk over here and then wehave a conversation. That’s how we do the show here.Anyway, our first guest is just a guy I met a few daysago. His name is Tim. You in this channel will likehim because he is a black man. Come on. Hi,there.[stands up to greet Tim] [Lame flute introduction plays] [Tim is a tall black nerd. Afro parted to the side,tie, vest]
Tim: Hi, there.[Tim sits in Lyle’s chair]
Lyle Kane: Yes, that is—that is my chair there.
Tim: Sorry.[gets up, sits in guest’s chair]
Lyle Kane: Ok, yes. You sit there and I will remain inthe chair that I started the show in. This chair righthere and you should’ve know this. So, Tim…
Tim: Hi, there.
Lyle Kane: Hi, there. How are you there?
Tim: Hi, there.
Lyle Kane: Ok, interesting story. I met Tim the otherday at the bank. He worked there and I was a customer.Tim, what is it like working in a bank?
Tim: It’s good, Lyle.
Lyle Kane: Tim, could you make your answer longer thanthat? Because to be honest, I don’t have any other questions.
Tim: It’s very very very very….very very very very very good, Lyle.
Lyle Kane: Thank you there, Tim. My next guest isDaniel. Hi there, Daniel. Bye there, Tim. Tim can youfill in for Daniel on the flute really quick while Iinterview him?[Daniel gives Tim the flute] Come on.Daniel, walk over there behind the wall where theguests of “The Lyle Kane Show” wait.[Daniel goesbehind the wall] Hi, there. Come on. And wait for myintroduction, it should not be long it is almostcoming, my next guest is the leader of the black E.T.”The Lyle Kane Show” band Daniel. Tim? Tim please playa flute introduction for Daniel. Come on.
[Tim plays very cool jazzy riff on the flute, Danielshakes hands with Lyle and sits down]Lyle Kane: Hi,there.
Daniel: Hi, there.
Lyle Kane: So Daniel, hi there.
Daniel: Hi, there.
Lyle Kane: How are you there.
Daniel: Hi, there.
Lyle Kane: How are you there, Tim?
Tim: Fine there.
Lyle Kane: Fine over here, Daniel?
Daniel: Fine there.
Lyle Kane: Ok so Daniel…just tell the audience about your job.
Daniel: I play the flute for “The Lyle Kane Show”.
Lyle Kane: So, that’s all the questions I have tonightand that’s all the guests that I have but now the badnews. There is a lot more time in the show so it lookslike we have hit our first snag of the season here on”The Lyle Kane Show”. Hi, there. Sorry, there.
Tim: Uh,Lyle? Maybe this will help. I heards twopeople backstage that had a question for you.
Lyle Kane: Oh, Tim. Thank you there. What was their question?
Tim: There question was what member of the B.E.T.staff did you had to give a b.j. to in order to get the job?
Lyle Kane: His name is Brian Wilber. Well, that’s allthe time we have on the show. Please, tune in to ournext show which I believe is October 7th 2010. Thankyou to Daniel and Tim. Come on, play us out. [Timplays the flute]Bye, there.[to Daniel] You go leavenow, after he’s done with the flute…..
[The Lyle Kane Show logo] [Lyle keeps giving instructions as the scene fades] [Cheers and applause]Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel
