SNL Transcripts: Seth Rogen: 10/06/07: MacGruber I


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 2

07b: Seth Rogen / Spoon

MacGruber I

MacGruber…..Will Forte
Casey…..Maya Rudolph
Caleb…..Seth Rogen

[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]

Making life-saving inventions out of household materials!
He’s getting kind of old now, and that makes him uncomfortable!
He might go get some work done!

[CUT to MacGruber performing punching pose against footage of flames.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[CUT to a series of rolling hills in the desert. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Deserted Silver Mine.” CUT to a sign marked “Mine Control Room” as sirens wail.]

Caleb: [struggling with locked door] The mine door’s sealed shut, MacGruber!

Casey: That’s not our only problem, Macgruber — once this hydrogen meter reaches Critical, this baby’s gonna blow!

MacGruber: [wearing a bandana over his head] Okay. This is no time to panic. You’re in good hands. I’ve been doing this all my life. For over 44 — excuse me — 37 years — in October — so I’m 36, but I think if you were to ask most people on the street —

Casey: [ looking at her watch ] FIFTEEN seconds!

MacGruber: Right! Time me, folks! Casey! Hand me that copper wire!

Casey: You got it, Macgruber!

MacGruber: Caleb! That feather!

Caleb: Gotcha, ‘Grubes!

MacGruber: Casey! That cup!

Casey: Right here!

MacGruber: Okay, great! Now if I can just bypass this detonator, I’ll — I’ll — [ his bandana falls off, revealing a balding head ] Ooh! Ooh! Both of you! Behind you! Look behind you! [ Casey and Caleb look behind them ] Is there a thing I need back there?! [ Casey turns back to look at MacGruber ] Just turn around — turn around! [ she turns back ] Just whatever you see, whatever you find, just — just pick them up and give them to me — [ he quickly tries to tie the bandana back over his balding head ] Okay.. okay..

Casey: I find this caulking putty!

Caleb: Here’s a battery!

MacGruber: Okay, okay! [ still struggling with his bandana ] Uhh — you just hang on to those — I think that I have everything that I need over here, thank you.

Casey: TWO seconds, MacGruber!

MacGruber: Okay! That’s more than enough time for me to tie this bandana back on, and —

[CUT to the mine exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]

Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!!

[FADE to black over applause.]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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