Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 33: Episode 2
[FADE IN on the ends of two electric wires as a spark jumps between them. CUT among various shots of pontoon planes, hands tinkering with materials, and exploding buildings.]
His surgeon cut him off, so he flew to South America!
Turns out the medical standards are a lot more relaxed down there!
He regrets it with every fiber of his being!
Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!![CUT to a monastery. SUPERIMPOSE caption, “Deserted Monastery.” CUT to a sign marked “Deserted Monastery Control Room” as sirens wail.]
Caleb: [struggling with locked door] Dammit, MacGruber! We’re trapped!
Casey: That bunker buster is set to go off in fifteen seconds! What do we do, MacGruber?
MacGruber: [ his face turned away and hidden from view ] Casey.. hand me that screwdriver.
Casey: [ confused and reluctant, but hands MacGruber the screwdriver ] Here you go, MacGruber.
MacGruber: Caleb.. toss me that paperweight.
Caleb: Okay. [ he grabs the paperweight and tosses it to MacGruber ]
MacGruber: Casey.. hand me that mirror.
Casey: Uh — uh, I — I don’t know, Macgruber..
MacGruber: [ angry ] You want me to diffuse this bomb or not?!
Casey: Yeah, but —
MacGruber: The mirror!!
MacGruber: [ smiling ] Not so bad![CUT to the monastery exploding and spewing smoke everywhere.]
Singers: MACGRUBER-RRR!!!!![FADE to black over applause.]