Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 33: Episode 2
Veritas Ultrasound HD
Expectant Dad….Jason Sudeikis
Expectant Mom….Kristen Wiig
Veritas Representative….Bill Hader
Ob/Gyn: And this here. That’s your baby’s head.
Expectant Mom: Wow. [smiles]
Ob/Gyn: Here’s his nose.
Expectant Dad: [frustrated] If you say so.
Expectant Mom: Honey, what’s wrong?
Expectant Dad: What’s wrong? This picture quality is terrible.[A man in a suit walks in the frame]
Veritas Representative: Ultrasound.[sighs, rolls eyes] For years expectant fathers have been forced to fake interest in crude, low quality, grainy images of their unborn children. Well, not any longer. Thanks to the Veritas Ultrasound HD.
Veritas Representative: We live in a High Definition world. If you could see an NFL’s lineman’s breath in a January playoff game, you shouldn’t have to ask a doctor where your baby’s eyes are.[Expectant mom and dad sit on a living room couch]
Expectant Dad: I’m excited about being a dad. But also a little nervous. That last thing I need to worry about is the low quality of the ultrasound image. That’s why we made sure our Ob/Gyn had the new Veritas Ultrasound HD monitor.
Expectant Mom: [uneasy] We also made sure he was a good doctor.
Veritas Representative: With 1080p display resolution and a flat panel liquid crystal screen you’ll be saying goodbye to blurry shapes and fuzzy lines. With Veritas you’re not gonna need some doctor to tell you if its a boy or a girl.[Expectant dad points to the fetus groin on the HD screen]
Expectant Dad: Now, that’s a penis!
Veritas Representative: The Ultrasound HD is the only ultrasound with picture-in-picture option.
Expectant Dad: Whoa! That comes in handy when you want to watch a movie in the doctor’s office.
Expectant Mom: [angry] You don’t watch a movie in the doctor’s office.[she takes the TV remote and changes the fetus image for the big HD screen and the action movie to the tiny-picture-in-picture]
Expectant Dad: [looking at the picture-in-picture option] Oh, here we go.
Veritas Representative: And as the official ultrasound of the NFL Veritas offers the future fan option which shows you what your unborn child looks like in the helmet of your favorite team.[The big HD screen shows the fetus wearing a football helmet. The NFL logo is at the bottom right of the screen]
Expectant Dad: Now that’s something to celebrate!
Expectant Mom: I’m just happy the baby’s healthy.
Expectant Dad: That too.[Big HD screen shows an explosion from the action flick]
Expectant Dad: Who said having a baby couldn’t be exciting?!
Expectant Mom: [fed up] No one said that.
Announcer: Veritas Ultrasound H D.[fade] [cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel