Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 33: Episode 3
October 13th, 2007
Jon Bon Jovi
Amy Poehler’s HouseSummary: In 1986, Jon Bon Jovi jumps out of a poster to offer words of condolence to a teenaged Amy Poehler.
Jon Bon Jovi’s MonologueSummary: Audience members (Liz Cackowski, Srteve Higgins) are less-than-enthused that Jon Bon Jovi is hosting the show and not performing his music, but Richie Sambora manages to coax him into performing “Lost Highway” with their band.
Bio: Jon Bon Jovi (1962-). Musician; lead singer and founder of hard rock band Bon Jovi since 1983; founded Arena Football League team Philadelphia Soul with Richie Sambora in 2004.
Bio: Richie Sambora (1959-). Musician; lead guitarist of Bon Jovi since 1983; married to actress Heather Locklear, 1994-2007.
Note: Jon Bon Jovi has to assist Richie Sambora with his line when he can’t make out the words on the cue card.
Ohhhhh!Summary: The game show by guys from New Jersey for guys from New Jersey.
A Visit with Former Vice-President Al GoreSummary: Recent Nobel Prize recipient Al Gore (Darrell Hammond) shows off the many other awards and trophies he has won recently.
Recurring Characters: Al Gore.
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Andy Samberg is the master of comic violence in “People Getting Punched Just Before Eating.”
Postseason ’07Summary: Dane Cook (Jason Sudeikis) is the unlikely spokesman for Major League Baseball.
La Revista Della TelevisioneSummary: Fast-talking Italian talk show host Vinny Vedecci (Bill Hader) interviews Jon Bon Jovi.
Recurring Characters: Vinny Vedecci.
Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth MeyersSummary: Anticipating a potential writer’s strike, NBC employee Rosa Santiago (Maya Rudolph) practices a few news jokes. Josh Drimmer (Andy Samberg), the naked guy from Times Square, wanders onto the Weekend Update set. Political comedian Nicholas Fehn (Fred Armisen) scours for jokes in newspaper headlines.
Foo Fighters perform “The Pretender”First Performed: 95g.
Where’s My Purse?Summary: In outer space, Captain Wallace (Kristen Wiig) is ready to sacrifice mission when her purse up and disappears.
Postseason ’07 IISummary: Dane Cook (Jason Sudeikis) is still the unlikely spokesman for Major League Baseball.
Notre Dame Football on NBCNote: This ad parody was cut from the dress rehearsals of the last two episodes.
What To Call The BandSummary: In Sayreville, New Jersey, 1984, Jon Bon Jovi is relentless with his suggestion that the band should name themselves after him instead of going with something unique like “Natural Disaster.”
IconoclastsSummary: Two great minds — Björk (Kristen Wiig) and Charles Barkeley (Kenan Thompson) — spend an afternoon together at the Cheesecake Factory.
Recurring Characters: Björk.
Goodnights / Bon Jovi performs “Who Says You Can’t Go Home?”First Performed: 92j.
Desk PhotosSummary: While making deliveries, UPS drivers (Kenan Thompson, Jon Bon Jovi) make comments about the framed photos on the desk of office workers.
Maybelline For Men OnlySummary: There’s no need to question the authenticity of the product, because it says it’s “For Men Only” right there on the box.
Note: This ad parody will air on the episode hosted by Brian Williams.
BlackwaterSummary: A talk show for military officers.
Go AheadSummary: A man (Jason Sudeikis) makes distracting hand gestures as another man (Jon Bon Jovi) comes to him for help.
Baseball PromoSummary: George Carlin (Fred Armisen) discusses the intials of various baseball teams.
Recurring Characters: George Carlin.