Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 33: Episode 3
07c: Jon Bon Jovi / Foo Fighters
An SNL Digital Short
…..Andy Sandberg
…..Will Forte
…..Dave Grohl
…..Taylor Hawkins
…..Jason Sudeikis
…..Jon Bon Jovi
Caption: An SNL Digital Short. People Getting Punched Just Before Eating.
[Techno music beat plays throughout the short]
[A senior citizen with white hair is getting ready fora snack on a park bench. Andy runs in a punches him in the face]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Andy does a tough guy pose. Jumps up and downcelebrating. Old man touches his jaw and watches himenjoying himself]
[Will Forte is about to have a slice of pizza on acity sidewalk. Goes for a bite and Andy punches him inthe face knocking him down]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Andy gives a thumbs up and dances wildly]
[Young guy and middle age man talk on a city street.Young guy peels a banana and Andy flies in and puncheshim in the face. Knocks him out]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Andy celebrates, jumps around, grabs middle age manhands and dances with him overjoyed]
[Foo Fighters singer Dave Grohl is sitting on acafeteria table reading a newspaper. His drummerTaylor Hawkins sits next to him ready to have somelunch. Andy punches Taylor in the face, knocks himout. Dave keeps reading his paper]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Andy celebrates and leaves. Dave notices some frenchfries on Taylor’s tray. Picks some up and Andy fliesback in and punches him in the face, knocks him out]
Caption: DOUBLE PUNCHED!
[Andy celebrates, makes heavy metal signs with hisfingers]
[Jon Bon Jovi is ready to have a light salad in the TVstudio break room. Andy punches him in the face, knocks him down]
Caption: JOVI PUNCH!
[Jon Bon Jovi gets up playing an electric guitar, points at the camera]
Caption: FULL RECOVERY
[Jason Sudeikis is about to bite into a burger andAndy goes to punch him out. A cell phone interruptsand Jason picks it up. Andy backs off. Jason ends thecall, goes for a bite of his burger and Andy punches him in the face]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Andy celebrates]
[Guy eating a salad is punched, knocked out]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Guy eating an apple is punched, knocked out]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Guy eating potato chips is punched, knocked out]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Businesswoman eats hot dog is punched, knocked out]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Will Forte goes for another slice of pizza, looks toboth sides careful to not being punched again. He hasa black eye. Andy appears and Will is ready to defendhimself. Andy backs off. Will goes for his slice ofpizza. Andy slowly emerges from behind Will andgarrotte’s him to death. Andy dances around]
Caption: [flashing] MURDER!
[Andy punches guy ready to eat, ko’s him]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Andy punches guy sitting on a stoop, ko’s him]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Andy punches black girl eating Chinese, ko’s her]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Andy punches Fred Armisen while he reads a paper]
Caption: PUNCHED!
[Andy smiles for the camera and holds up a severedarm. Drops the arm horrified. Fred has turned into azombie, he growls]
[Horror music plays]
[The punched out victims have turned into zombies andare moving towards Andy. Andy is scared and runs. Heruns past the Eiffel Tower in Paris, zombies followhim. Runs past the Mount Rushmore Monument, zombies follow in hot pursuit]
[Techno music resumes]
[Andy and the zombies dances in front of a Indianpalace, probably the Taj Mahal]
Caption: ZOMBIE DANCE
[Andy and the zombies dance. 1,2,3,4, 1,2,3,4 1,2,3,4]
Caption: BELIEVE IN YOUR DREAMS
[Andy smiles big for the camera]
[Scene goes to black]
[Cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel
