SNL Transcripts: Jon Bon Jovi: 10/13/07: La Revista Della Televisione


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 3

07c: Jon Bon Jovi / Foo Fighters

La Revista Della Televisione

Vinny Vedecci….Bill Hader
…..Jon Bon Jovi
Show’s Director….Fred Armisen
Assistant….Will Forte

Caption: RAI

Announcer: [speaks Italian] …La Rivista dellaTelevisione e con Vinny Vedecci.

[Cut to montage of American celebrities Don Johnson,Alf, Brian Austin Green intercut with Vinny in hiswhite suit handsomely posing, throwing his jacket overhis shoulder, in a heated debate and finally posingwith a lit cigarette and winks at the camera]

[Vinny sits and smokes at his table in his white suit,ashtray filled with smoked cigarettes]

Vinny Vedecci: He, he, he. E noche, conocendo emusicale, carabantore, americano italiano, bicio ecaranbandes! Jon Bon Jovi, hey!

[Bon Jovi shakes hands with Vinny, sits]

Jon Bon Jovi: Nice to meet you. Thank you.

Vinny Vedecci:[laughs]Jon Bon Jovi. Pio so contero,caravanto, carando a sara pondo musicale. Proto popasera acopando. Pisienti?

[Jon is clearly lost and confused]

Jon Bon Jovi: I’m sorry. Was there going to be atranslator here?

Vinny Vedecci:[Vinny laughs at the question]Notranslator. You are Bon Jovi.

Jon Bon Jovi: Yes, yes but I’m sorry, I don’t speak Italian.

Vinny Vedecci: But you are Bon Jovi.

Jon Bon Jovi: Yes, but I was born in America.

Vinny Vedecci: No italiano?[Vinny is mad as hell.Turns to his director]Bisiano, carabin, decanto!

[Show’s director has big mustache, glasses and smokesand eats at the same time a plate of spaghetti, hisassistant just eats his spaghetti]

Show’s Director: Vincenzo! [drops fork on his plate]

Vinny Vedecci: Parla consigo “translator”!

Show’s Director:[resumes eating]Eh, Bon Jovi, huh!

Jon Bon Jovi: You wanna keep going?

Vinny Vedecci: Si, si, si.[slowly]Where in theAmericas are you from, Bon Jovi?

Jon Bon Jovi: I’m from a place called New Jersey.

Vinny Vedecci: Ah, New Jersey! Yes, Sopranos, eh! Bam,bodo, bom, bodo, bom, myself a gun, eh! Careanto, careantore, Sylvio?

Jon Bon Jovi: The Stevie Van Zandt character.

Vinny Vedecci: Yes, yes, yes. Sylvio, Sylvio,Sylvio,[perfect impression of Sylvio from TheSopranos]Hey, Tony. I thought we were gonna have ameeting, Ton. I think we should have a meeting, Ton.

[Applause for Vinny. Vinny smiles big. Even Jon Bon Jovi is impressed]

Jon Bon Jovi: That’s amazing! I like that.

Vinny Vedecci: You remember Paulie Walnuts?

Jon Bon Jovi: Yes, of course.

Vinny Vedecci:[to his director]Seriato, seriato Paulie Walnuts.

Show’s Director: Que cosa? Paulie Walnuts, PaulieWalnuts….[another perfect impression] You know whatto do in a time like this Ton? You send a message. Yousend a message and you start a meeting.[Applause]

Vinny Vedecci: Next question. Blaze of Glory.

Jon Bon Jovi: Yes, that’s one of my favorite songs.

Vinny Vedecci: Si, si. Very good song. Here it is best known for commercial jingle.

Jon Bon Jovi: A jingle? I didn’t know that.

Vinny Vedecci: Si, si, si. Caraoando, clip, caraandeande.

[Cut to a clip of a cigarette commercial. BlazePopulare cigarettes. Song plays and the kids light uptheir ciggies. They talk and share while enjoying theBlaze Cigarettes. Even a nun lights up and pats thekids on their heads. Song continues “Going down in ablaze of glory , take me down the road of truth…” Cut back to the studio]

Vinny Vedecci: Blaze Cigarette Populare![hold the pack up]

Jon Bon Jovi:[outraged]Are those cigarettes for kids?

Vinny Vedecci: No, no, no. 7, 8 years old. Men.

Jon Bon Jovi: I never gave my song to that company.

Vinny Vedecci: But you are spokesman.[On the otherside of the pack there is Bon Jovi’s smiling face with a cowboy hat on]

Jon Bon Jovi:[more outrage]When did this happen?!

Vinny Vedecci: Oh, next question. Dead or Alive.

Jon Bon Jovi: Yeah, the song Dead or Alive. What about it?

Vinny Vedecci: It’s a song about a robot horse.

Jon Bon Jovi: No, you mean that line “on a steel horse I ride”.

Vinny Vedecci: Yeah, steel horse, a robot horse.

Jon Bon Jovi: No, no,no. Steel horse is a reference toa tour bus. The bus bands ride on.

Vinny Vedecci: Not a robot horse?

Jon Bon Jovi: No.

Vinny Vedecci: Oh, bisiando.[Vinny signals to someonebehind Jon to quit it. Its a guy dressed as a roboticmetal horse. Jon looks back at the robot horse as he leaves.

Jon Bon Jovi: You know what? I really gotta go call mylawyer cause I’m pretty upset about that kid’s cigarettes.

Vinny Vedecci: Oh, si, si. Blaze![again holds up thepack] Cigarette con divo Bon Jovi!

Jon Bon Jovi: How did this happen?!

Vinny Vedecci: Si, cigarette! [Humming theintroduction to Bon Jovi’s megahit “Living on aprayer”] Uhah, uhah, uhah, uhah, uhah.

Jon Bon Jovi: You don’t really want me to sing now, do you?

Vinny Vedecci: No, no. I will.[Sings the chorus]Oooohhcoristicon lates….[signals the director]

Show’s Director: Oohh! ooh!

Vinny Vedecci:[sings] Sico decolate! Diseco, doriti colate!

Show’s Director: Ooh! ooh!

Vinny and the Director:[sing together]Diso de colate-e-e-es!!

[Applause. Vinny laughs very satisfied]

Jon Bon Jovi: I gotta tell you Vin. You know, I meanmy grandmother spoke Italian around the house when Iwas a kid and I don’t recognize a single word you said all night.

[Vinny freezes along with the director and his assistant for a few seconds]

Vinny Vedecci: That’s all the time tonight. Thanks tomy guest Jon Bon Jovi. I’m Vinny Vedecci. Good night.

[Vinny gets up and dances with robot horse] [Scene fades] [Cheers and applause]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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