Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 33: Episode 5
07e: Tina Fey / Carrie Underwood
Virgania Horsen’s Hot Air Balloon Rides
Virgania Horsen…..Kristen Wiig
[ open on Virgania Horsen standing in front of various green-screen images inside an airport ]
Virgania Horsen: Are you sick of the airport? The long lines? Security? The danger of terrorism?
[ cut to Virgania Horsen standing in front of a green-screen image of hot air balloon soaring over the city ]
Virgania Horsen: Why not take a ride in a… hot air balloon?
[ cut to product card ]
Virgania Horsen: Virgania Horsen’s Hot Air Balloon Rides.
[ cut to images of hot air balloons soaring over the city ]
Virgania Horsen: You don’t have to worry about terrorists… or long lines… and it’s just you and me — up in the air!
[ cut to an image of Virgania Horsen standing in a hot air balloon basket that zooms to the front of the camera ]
Virgania Horsen: Whoa-oa-oa! [ as she looks out from above the city ] Hey! I can see my house from here! Just kidding. Why not take a ride in my balloon? I’ll cut you a deal. [ the basket zooms away from the camera ] Whee-ee-ee!!
[ cut to Virgania Horsen standing in front of a green-screen image of an airport metal detector ]
Virgania Horsen: Forget about airport security. [ looks at the image of people entering the metal detector ] See you later, suckers. I’m taking myself a hot air balloon ride.
[ cut to Virgania Horsen floating across a green-screen sky in her hot air balloon basket ]
Virgania Horsen: Oo-oo-ooh! Fresh air! Listen: I’m not one of those college types who’s gonna talk your ear off. I bought a balloon, and it doesn’t mean I think I’m better than everybody else. [ she holds a book ] Or I can just read a book. I’m not one of those people who doesn’t know how to be quiet.
[ cut to Virgania Horsen standing in front a green-screen swatting words like “Long Lines”, “Terrorist” and “Airport Security” away from her ]
[ close-up of Virgania Horsen with the word “Winner!” in front of her ]
[ cut to Virgania Horsen standing in front of a green-screen image of hot air balloon soaring over the city ]
Virgania Horsen: So come on over, and take a ride in my hot air balloon, and I’ll take you wherever you want to go. I promise.
[ cut to product card ]
Virgania Horsen: Virgania Horsen’s Hot Air Balloon Rides.
[ cut to Virgania Horsen standing in her hot air balloon basket ]
Virgania Horsen: Come ride with me!![ fade ]
