SNL Transcripts: Tina Fey: 02/23/08: An SNL Digital Short


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 5

07e: Tina Fey / Carrie Underwood

An SNL Digital Short

Kevin (Grandson 1)…..Bill Hader
Thomas (Grandson 2)…..Andy Samberg

Announcer: The following is a message for old people.

Grandpa: Hi. Has this ever happened to you? (shows him watching TV) You’re watching a movie and you get confused or scared, because you don’t recognize anyone. Well, you’re not alone. I used to get scared all the time. But not anymore. Because my wife took all the movies and put my grandkids in them. (shows Kevin and Thomas) They’re good boys, and they’re pretty good actors, and now, you can enjoy them, too. Because I’m selling copies of what my wife did (holds up CD). Check out this scene from “No Country for Old Men”.

Employee 1: Y’all gettin’ any rain up here in a while?

Employee 2: What business is it of yours, where I’m from? Frendo.

Grandkids: Hi Grandpa! Hi!

Grandpa: Did you see them? They’re the ones behind the counter. Thank God my wife did that. I love her so much, even though we sleep in separate beds now. Check out this scene from Michael Clayton.

George Clooney: Right now, there’s a BCI unit pulling pay chips of a – (phone rings).

Thomas: That phone’s in the movie, Grandpa. That’s not your phone.

Kevin: Don’t get it.

Thomas: Your okay.

Kevin: Okay?

Thomas: Hi!

Kevin: Hi!

Grandpa: You know, I like how it was them instead of some stranger in the movie. How about these other films and the new words they’re saying. I don’t understand anything, like in this scene from “Juno”.

Employee: Third test today, mama bear. Your eggo is preggo.

Thomas: He’s saying that he thinks she’s pregnant, grandpa.

Employee: Your little boyfriend’s get meat in sperms, knocked you up twice.

Thomas: I’m not actually sure what he meant that time, Grandpa. Hang on.

Employee: That ain’t gonna let you sketch, this is one doodle that can’t be undid, homeskillet.

Thomas: Okay, fast-forward, Grandpa, it gets better.

Kevin: Hi Grandpa!

Grandpa: You know, they also give me a heads-up when things get a bit chaotic. Now take this scene from “The Transforming Robots”.

(Action takes place)

Soldier: MOVE!

(Several explosions take place)

Kevin: Turn it off, Grandpa, it’s too intense.

Thomas: Too much action!

Kevin: The green button!

Kevin and Thomas: The green button!

Kevin: Turn it off, this isn’t real, grandpa.

Grandpa: Now what about volume? It’s either too loud or too quiet. Like in “There Will be Blood”.

Creepy Guy: Well if it’s in me, it’s in you. The ties are my… (Kevin and Thomas walk across screen when he’s talking) … when I see people, I see nothing worth liking.

Grandpa: Isn’t that nice? Having my grandkids in that movie instead of some stinko, you can’t remember their name? Now we’ve got all you favorite movies right here (shows 5 DVD’s). So please, buy my DVD’s that my wife made, and don’t be scared anymore.

Submitted by: Snlfreak92

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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