Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 33: Episode 5
07e: Tina Fey / Carrie Underwood
An SNL Digital Short
Kevin (Grandson 1)…..Bill Hader
Thomas (Grandson 2)…..Andy Samberg
Announcer: The following is a message for old people.
Grandpa: Hi. Has this ever happened to you? (shows him watching TV) Youre watching a movie and you get confused or scared, because you dont recognize anyone. Well, youre not alone. I used to get scared all the time. But not anymore. Because my wife took all the movies and put my grandkids in them. (shows Kevin and Thomas) Theyre good boys, and theyre pretty good actors, and now, you can enjoy them, too. Because Im selling copies of what my wife did (holds up CD). Check out this scene from “No Country for Old Men”.
Employee 1: Yall gettin any rain up here in a while?
Employee 2: What business is it of yours, where Im from? Frendo.
Grandkids: Hi Grandpa! Hi!
Grandpa: Did you see them? Theyre the ones behind the counter. Thank God my wife did that. I love her so much, even though we sleep in separate beds now. Check out this scene from Michael Clayton.
George Clooney: Right now, theres a BCI unit pulling pay chips of a (phone rings).
Thomas: That phones in the movie, Grandpa. Thats not your phone.
Kevin: Dont get it.
Thomas: Your okay.
Kevin: Okay?
Thomas: Hi!
Kevin: Hi!
Grandpa: You know, I like how it was them instead of some stranger in the movie. How about these other films and the new words theyre saying. I dont understand anything, like in this scene from “Juno”.
Employee: Third test today, mama bear. Your eggo is preggo.
Thomas: Hes saying that he thinks shes pregnant, grandpa.
Employee: Your little boyfriends get meat in sperms, knocked you up twice.
Thomas: Im not actually sure what he meant that time, Grandpa. Hang on.
Employee: That aint gonna let you sketch, this is one doodle that cant be undid, homeskillet.
Thomas: Okay, fast-forward, Grandpa, it gets better.
Kevin: Hi Grandpa!
Grandpa: You know, they also give me a heads-up when things get a bit chaotic. Now take this scene from “The Transforming Robots”.
(Action takes place)
Soldier: MOVE!
(Several explosions take place)
Kevin: Turn it off, Grandpa, its too intense.
Thomas: Too much action!
Kevin: The green button!
Kevin and Thomas: The green button!
Kevin: Turn it off, this isnt real, grandpa.
Grandpa: Now what about volume? Its either too loud or too quiet. Like in “There Will be Blood”.
Creepy Guy: Well if its in me, its in you. The ties are my… (Kevin and Thomas walk across screen when hes talking) … when I see people, I see nothing worth liking.
Grandpa: Isnt that nice? Having my grandkids in that movie instead of some stinko, you cant remember their name? Now weve got all you favorite movies right here (shows 5 DVDs). So please, buy my DVDs that my wife made, and dont be scared anymore.
Submitted by: Snlfreak92
