Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 33: Episode 7
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
March 8th, 2008
Amy Adams
Vampire Weekend
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Clinton Attack AdSummary: Hillary Clinton’s (Amy Poehler) latest attack ad gives a glimpse of the future to demonstrate the foibles of President Barack Obama at 3am.
Recurring Characters: Hillary Clinton.
Transcript
Montage
Amy Adams’ MonologueSummary: Amy Adams brings Kristen Wiig onstage to demonstrate via song how alike their appearances are.
Bio: Amy Adams (1974-). Actress; Best Supporting Actress Academy Award nominee for “Junebug” (2005); as the star of “Enchanted” (2007), she performed its Academy Award-nominated song at the 80th annual Academy Awards ceremony.
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Mirror ImageSummary: Hailey Winters (Amy Adams) and her fat twin sister Hagley (Kristen Wiig) try to pass themselves off as one student when they enroll at a new school.
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Couples TherapySummary: Newlyweds Brian (Will Forte) and runaway Bagdana (Amy Poehler) are having marital difficulties because he still hasn’t fully signed all of her immigration papers.
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An SNL Digital ShortSummary: Hero (Andy Samberg) sings about cleaning up the city before being repeatedly pummelled by a purse-snatcher (Jason Sudeikis).
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Fierce: The Hot Mess Make-Over ShowSummary: “Extreme Makeover” contestant Christian Siriano (Amy Poehler) has his own fashion show, and it’s filled with endless catchphrases.
Recurring Characters: Heidi Klum.
Transcript
Vampire Weekend performs “A-Punk”Bio: Indie rock/Afro-pop band; members are: Ezra Koenig, Rostam Batmanglij, Chris Tomson, Chris Baio.
Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth MeyersSummary: Sen. Tim Calhoun (Will Forte) also seeks the Democratic nomination for the Presidency. Jean K. Jean (Kenan Thompson).
Recurring Characters: Tim Calhoun.
Penelope at Traffic SchoolSummary: Penelope (Kristen Wiig) one-ups fellow students while attending traffic school.
Recurring Characters: Penelope.
Dr. Uncle Jimmy’s Smokehouse and Outpatient Surgical FacilitySummary: Dr. Uncle Jimmy (Will Forte) half-excels in both barbecue and medical surgery.
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Roger Clemens PresentsSummary: Roger Clemens (Jason Sudeikis) has written a play that demonstrates the results of not letting baseball players use steroids.
Note: This sketch was cut from last week’s dress rehearsal.
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The Tookie Styles ShowSummary: Tookie Styles (Kenan Thompson) announces that his early 1980’s cable access show is now on DVD, and it features plenty of clips of political dignitaries dancing to Tookie’s hip-hop beat and nearly getting assassinated.
Vampire Weekend performs “M79”
CelebrationsSummary: A quartet of desperate women (Amy Adams, Kristen Wiig, Amy Poehler, Casey Wilson) perform a single dance move in varying speeds in order to impress men at a bar.
GoodnightsTranscript
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Dress Rehearsal Cuts
WDHX NewsSummary: Field reporter (Amy Adams) reports live, via tape delay, where her desk anchors (Will Forte, Kristen Wiig) are unable to protect her from jungle creatures about to attack.
Note: This sketch was also cut from last week’s dress rehearsal, but will eventually air on the 2011-12 season premiere with Kristen Wiig assuming the role of the field reporter.
Hotel RoomSummary: Hotel employee (Amy Adams) informs an overnight guest (Jason Sudeikis) of the most opportune time and place to masturbate within the hotel.
