SNL Transcripts: Amy Adams: 03/08/08: Amy Adams’ Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 7

07g: Amy Adams / Vampire Weekend

Amy Adams’ Monologue

…..Amy Adams
Kristen Wiig…..Amy Adams

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Amy Adams!

Amy Adams: WOW!! Thank you! Thank you very much! Hello! I’m Amy Adams, and welcome to “Saturday Night Live”! And I have been having such an incredible time here, and everyone has been treating me like a real princess! [ she laughs ] Um — I’ve been working with so many talented, wonderful people this week, and — get this, the cutest thing is that one of the cast members, she — she looks so much like me! She could be my sister, you know? [ she glances offscreen ] Kristen? Come up here! Everybody — Kristen Wiig!

[ Kristen Wiig appears on stage ]

Look at us.

[ they put their heads together and smile ]

Isn’t it amazing? Actually, we are SO similar that, uh, we were up for a lot of the same parts in the show, and, three or four times this week, Kristen was gracious enough to step aside. [ Kristen frowns ] But… she’s fine with it! We’re like BEST friends! [ Kristen giggles nervously ] We’re like SISTERS!

Kristen Wiig: [ giggles more nervously, throws her arms in the air ] SIS-TERS!

[ the house band begins to play “What Is This Feeling (Loathing)”, from the movie “Wicked” ]

Amy Adams: “What is this feeling, so sudden and new?”

Kristen Wiig: “I felt it the moment I laid eyes on you.”

Amy Adams: “My pulse is rushing.”

Kristen Wiig: “My head is reeling.”

Amy Adams: “My face is flushing.”

“What is this feeling?
Fervid as a flame
Does it have a name?
Unadulterated loathing.”

Kristen Wiig: “For your face…”

Amy Adams: “Jaguar!”

Kristen Wiig: “‘Your clothing!”

“Let’s just say
I loathe it all!
Every little trait however small
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl
With simple utter loathing
There’s a strange exhileration
In such total detestation
It’s so pure, so strong!
Though I do admit it came on fast
Still I do believe that it can last
And I will be loathing, loathing you
My whole life long!”

Amy Adams: I am younger than you!

Kristen Wiig: I am taller than you!

Amy Adams: I have my original teeth!

Kristen Wiig: I’m… taller than you!

Amy Adams: Wait — wait — this is — this is crazy. I mean, I want you to know that no matter what happens tonight, Kristen… I loathe you! [ she slaps Kristen across the face ] I honestly loathe you!

Kristen Wiig: Ohhh, Amy! [ she punches Amy across the face ] I loathe you, too!

[ they hug one another at a distance, how sweet ]

“Though I do admit it came on fast
Still I do believe that it can last
And I will be loathing
For forever
Truly deeply
Loathing you…
My whole life lo-o-o-o-o-ong!”

[ Amy pushes Kristen out frame ]

Amy Adams: We’ve got a —

[ Kristen runs back into frame ]

Together: GREAT SHOW!!!

Amy Adams: Vampire Weekend is here, so stick around, we’ll be right back!

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