Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 33: Episode 7
07g: Amy Adams / Vampire Weekend
An SNL Digital Short
Businessman/Superhero….Andy Samberg
Purse snatcher….Jason Sudeikis
Victim….Amy Adams
Businessman/Superhero: [sings] “As I look down in the city…”
[He looks down from up on the roof balcony]“…my heart sings and cries…”
[He sits in his office]“…so much crime and evil, everywhere deceit and lies.”
“Brothers turning on their brothers, sisters stealing from her sisters!”
[Back in his office]“Where the dying go to die.”
[Businessman walks the busy city streets. He looks up to the sky]“So much lies and corruption, the drugs are killing our children….”
[Appalled at the sight of a homeless wino and an overflowed trash bin]“And no one seems to care, nobody seems to give a damn!!”
[He slaps his gloves into his hands]“Evildoer pay the piper, I can’t take another murder.”
[Paper headlines “Another 50 murders”. Businessman is angry, disgusted]“the time is now at hand…”
“…and so I rise from the ashes, the people need a superhero, someone to save them!”
[A purse snatcher is struggling with a woman to get her purse. She tries to fight him off.]Victim: Help! Somebody, please help me!
[Our Superhero appears behind the purse snatcher]Businessman/Superhero: [sings] “You stop!, unhand her right now! You’re about to meet your maker…”
[The purse snatcher looks around, he’s a little surprised by the Superhero]Businessman/Superhero: “Justice has a new name, YEAH! YEAH!, YEAH!, YEAH! For too long you’ve walked among–“
[He’s interrupted by a punch to face from the pursesnatcher, music stops. The purse snatcher punches ourSuperhero 18 times in the face. Our Superhero finallygoes down on his knees, the purse snatcher continuesto punch him the face again and again. He administers30 more blows to the face of our Superhero. The womanlooks around worried and is feeling guilty that ourSuperhero is receiving an unholy beating because ofher. One of the blows makes our Superhero spit outblood on the sidewalk. The woman makes her way pastthe purse snatcher and our Superhero.]Victim: I just want to say…thank you. You’vebeen….very brave. [leaves] [Purse snatcher tires from punching our Superhero inthe face. He picks up a mailbox and crashes it on ourSuperhero’s forehead. Superhero lays flat on thesidewalk unconscious. Purse snatcher picks up a pieceof wood and whacks our Superhero in the chest with it.Purse snatcher finally walks away and leaves ourSuperhero half-dead on the city sidewalk.] [Screen goes black] [Cheers and applause]
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel