SNL Transcripts: Amy Adams: 03/08/08: Dr. Uncle Jimmy’s Smokehouse and Outpatient Surgical Facility

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 7

07g: Amy Adams / Vampire Weekend

Dr. Uncle Jimmy’s Smokehouse and Outpatient Surgical Facility

Written by: Colin Jost, Rob Klein

Dr. Uncle Jimmy…..Will Forte
Customer 1…..Kenan Thompson
Customer 2…..Bill Hader
Ellen Pompeo…..Amy Adams
Doctor…..Andy Samberg
Patient…..Jason Sudeikis

[ open on stock footage of surgery being performed at a hospital ]

Announcer: Everyone knows that the number one problem in America is the rising cost of health care…

[ dissolve to footage of barbecue sauce being applied to ribs on a fiery barbecue pit ]

Announcer: And the number two problem is the absence of a delicious, affordable, authentic barbecue experience. Well, finally, you can solve BOTH problems with one location. That’s right! It’s Dr. Uncle Jimmy’s Smokehouse and Outpatient Surgical Facility! On Route 13!

[ dissolve to Dr. Uncle Jimmy standing at the center of a room in which a doctor performs surgery on a patient, and patrons chew on barbecue ]

Dr. Uncle Jimmy: Hi! I’m Dr. Uncle Jimmy, and welcome to Dr. Uncle Jimmy’s Smokehouse and Outpatient Surgical Facility. Since early 2007, then stopping in mid-2007, then resuming in early 2008… we’ve serve up the tastiest wings and the fastest colonoscopy this side of Jasper, Arkansas! I should know. I spent my entire life refining my unique brand of barbecue sauce. [ he holds up a bottle ] And I spent nearly three semesters at a once-accredited medical college in the Carribbean, learning what were then considered modern surgical procedures.

At Dr. Uncle Jimmy’s Smokehouse and Outpatient Surgical Facility, you’ll enjoy: [ the words come on screen as he says them ] Memphis-Style Beef Ribs… Homemade Coleslaw… Cyst and Wart Removal… Mama’s Mac n’ Cheese… Lasik Eye Surgery… Hickory Baked Beans… Refitting a Big Toe as a Thumb… Our Famous Mississippi Mud Pie… and Vasectomies.

But don’t take MY word for it! Just ask two of our paying customers!

[ cut to two customers sitting back-to-back among the booths ]

Customer 1: Dr. Uncle Jimmy’s is like an old-fashioned cookout at one of them dead bodies exhibits.

Customer 2: I mean, sure you could find a better barbecue, or a safer surgical experience.

[ cut back to Dr. Uncle Jimmy ]

Dr. Uncle Jimmy: And the critics love it, too! [ newspaper headlines appear ] We won Official Applicant at the 2007 St. Louis Cookout… And my attempt for the most hernia repairs in twenty-four hours has drawn the attention of the Guiness Book of World Records, as well as the Arkansas State Medical Review Board. … “They’re performing surgery at a barbecue restaurant,” raves the Jasper City Police Report.

Or, take it from another sort-of doctor — television’s Ellen Pompeo!

Ellen Pompeo: [ obviously reading from cue cards ] Hello. You know, I play a doctor on TV, but Dr. Uncle Jimmy doesn’t play around when it… comes to serving… tender, juicy brisket… [ she stops ] Oh, my — oh, my God, is this an ad for a barbecue hospital?!

Dr. Uncle Jimmy: [ shifting his eyes ] Maybe?

Ellen Pompeo: You told me this was a fundraiser for MS.

Dr. Uncle Jimmy: Well, yeah! If “MS” means “Multiple Sauces”!

Ellen Pompeo: Oh, my God… how could the government let this happen?

[ Uncle Jimmy slips to the rear of the room to join a doctor performing surgery in the corner ]

Dr. Uncle Jimmy: Soooo, uh… well, come on back, with Dr. Uncle Jimmy! Look — this guy liked it!

[ The patient turns to look at the barbecued ribs on the doctor’s plate ]

Patient: [ smiling ] Hey! I hope those aren’t my ribs!

[ the patient and the doctor share the laugh together ]

Dr. Uncle Jimmy: And don’t forget the house rules: [ he holds up an IV bag ] If it’s in a bag, it’s blood… [ holds up a second bag ] unless it’s one of our new barbecue basting bags! Mmm, mmm! That makes me wish that I had… [ reads the patient’s chart ] “drug-resistant staph infection.” [ he hangs the barbecue bag next ot the patient ] Oh, yeah!

Patient: [ expressing concern ] Hey, is that the right bag?

Dr. Uncle Jimmy: Well, either way — you’re going home happy!

[ the doctor quickly replaces the barbecue bag with the IV bag ]

Dr. Uncle Jimmy: So come on down to Dr. Uncle Jimmy’s, on Route 13!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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