SNL Transcripts: Jonah Hill: 03/15/08: What’s Your Situation?



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 33: Episode 8








07h: Jonah Hill / Mariah Carey

What’s Your Situation?

Lou Delholm…..Jonah Hill
Bethany Graham…..Kristen Wiig
Tanya Perkins…..Casey Wilson
Rhonda…..Amy Poehler

Announcer: It’s time once again for everyone’s favorite brain-busting game show: “What’s Your Situation?” And here is your host Lou Delholm.

Lou Delholm: Hi everybody, I’m Lou Delholm and as always we’ve got a great game for you, so let’s get right to it. Contestants, for 50 points: what measure of energy comes from the Latin word meaning heat? Bethany Graham from White Plains?

Bethany Graham: That would be the calorie.

Lou Delholm: Very good Bethany, you are on the board! And let’s follow up this question with another one just for you: Bethany, what’s your situation?

Bethany Graham: I… I’m sorry, what?

Lou Delholm: You know, what’s your situation, are you single, are you seeing somebody or?…

Bethany Graham: Oh, I’m single at the moment…

Lou Delholm: It’s good to know, it’s good to know… cool, cool, it’s good to know…Our next question is from the world of sports, here we go: this nine-time Olympic gold medalist… Tanya Perkins with the early buzz?

Tanya Perkins: Is it Jackie Joyner-Kersee?

Lou Delholm: Oh, I’m sorry, Tanya, we were looking for Mark Spitz. But let me hear you up with the follow-up question though. Tanya, what’s your situation?

Tanya Perkins: Is this for points?

Lou Delholm: It could be… it could be for a lot of points, what’s your situation?

Tanya Perkins: Um… I’m married.

Lou Delholm: Oh… why?

Tanya Perkins: ‘Cause I love my husband?

Lou Delholm: Well, that’s the end of the road for Tanya; thanks so much for playing the game.

Tanya Perkins: That’s it?

Lou Delholm: Yeah, bye Tanya. Rhonda, you’ve been awful quiet over there.

Rhonda: Uh-huh?

Lou Delholm: You want something to drink? Something, a daiquiri or something?

Rhonda: I’d love a question.

Lou Delholm: Okay, here’s one: Rhonda, what’s your sitch?

Rhonda: I’m sorry, what does this have to do with the game?

Lou Delholm: Are you a lesbian, is that it?

Rhonda: What’s wrong with you?

Lou Delholm: It’s cool Rhonda, you’re a lesbian, whatever. And that means Bethany’s our big winner today!

Bethany Graham: I only answered one question…

Lou Delholm: Good enough for me, and now here’s your chance to double your money. Walk this way and take a crack at our isolation chamber.

Bethany Graham: Ooh.

Lou Delholm: You have 30 seconds, let’s go, come on.

Bethany Graham: Wait, you’re coming too?

Lou Delholm: Yeah, I’m gonna come in, also.

Bethany Graham: Oh.

[ they enter the isolation booth together, now seen only in silhoette ]

Lou Delholm: So, what’s up?

Bethany Graham: Um, what’s up with what?

Lou Delholm: I dunno know, you tell me…

Bethany Graham: Am I winning?

Lou Delholm: Yeah, it’s so definitely.

Bethany Graham: Okay, look, I think I’m gonna go.

Lou Delholm: Shh, what kind of music do you like, Maroon 5?

Bethany Graham: Okay, what, what, can you open this door, please?

Lou Delholm: Sure, yeah, okay.

[ he opens the door, they step out of the isolation booth ]

Bethany Graham: Creep. [ she exits ]

Lou Delholm: Man, she got weird.

Rhonda: Yeah.

Lou Delholm: Well, don’t you go anywhere because when we come back, Rhonda is gonna be trying her luck in the isolation booth.

Rhonda: No, I’m not.

Lou Delholm: We’ll be right back.

Rhonda: I’m not going in there.

Lou Delholm: You should.

Rhonda: No, I don’t want to. Thank you.

Lou Delholm: You should…

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Jacques

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