Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 33: Episode 12
Bless This Child
Mom: Its raining pretty hard out. I hope she sleeps ok.
Dad: She’ll be fine sweetheart. We’re right here.
Mom: I know, I know. But I just worry.
Dad: Well, you shouldn’t. Hey, you know what I feel will make you better? Why don’t we say a prayer before she goes to sleep?
Dad: Dear Lord, please watch over our little Jenna tonight and um….
Mom: Bless this child.
Dad: Yes, bless this child.[Melodic music plays. They pick the baby up.]
Mom:[sings]Bless this child….
Dad:[sings] Keep her safe and harm….
Mom:[sings] And shield her from all harm….[They both walk to the center of the room with the baby in their arms]
Mom and Dad:[singing]Bless this child, protect her from the storm, till the sun comes up again….Bless this child, fill her dreams with gold…[they carry the baby high up, holding one of each arm of the baby] and make them all come true. Look at us!….we’re a family…[they spin the baby dangerously a few times] one plus one is threeee!
Mom:[sings] Every fish that’s in the ocean…[wiggles the baby like a fish, passes the baby to the dad]
Dad:[sings]Every angel in the sky….[shakes baby’s arms like wings rapidly]
Mom and Dad:[singing] Every bridge into tomorrow is because of you and I…..[They both grab the baby’s extremities and stretch them like a a bridge] you and I,I,I,I….[Mom and dad make electroboogie dance moves, like a current they pass it through each others bodies including wiggling the baby like a snake] Oh, bless this child! Bless this child![Mom and Dad turn around stretching the baby’s body then they hug crushing the baby with their bodies]
Mom and Dad:[singing. Mom shakes baby with one hand like a maraca] Bless her, bless her, bless her, bless her…[passes the baby to the Dad]Bless this child!, Bless this child![Dad throws the baby to the Mom like a football] [Disco beat changes tempo to melodic]
Mom and Dad:[Singing, holding the baby upside down using one feet each as a microphone] Bless this child, till the morning come….and keep her safe from….[Music tempo changes again to disco beat]
Mom and Dad:[singing, Mom lowers the baby to the floor and uses it like a rope under Dad’s feet. Dad jumps the baby several times.] Bless, bless, bless, bless, bless, bless…bless this….child!
Dad: You know what, honey? I think its time to move on from a doll to a real baby.
Mom: Well, I wasn’t gonna tell you but the doctor called today.
Dad: What? Woo, hoo, hoo! Come here, you! Oh, ha, ha, ha! I’m gonna be a dad!!
Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel