SNL Transcripts: Steve Carell: 05/17/08: Bless This Child


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 12

07l: Steve Carell / Usher

Bless This Child

Dad….Steve Carell
Mom….Kristen Wiig

[Opens with a house at night. Its raining heavily. Cut to a child’s bedroom. A couple is looking into their child’s crib.]

Mom: Its raining pretty hard out. I hope she sleeps ok.

Dad: She’ll be fine sweetheart. We’re right here.

Mom: I know, I know. But I just worry.

Dad: Well, you shouldn’t. Hey, you know what I feel will make you better? Why don’t we say a prayer before she goes to sleep?

Mom: Ok.

Dad: Dear Lord, please watch over our little Jenna tonight and um….

Mom: Bless this child.

Dad: Yes, bless this child.

[Melodic music plays. They pick the baby up.]

Mom:[sings]Bless this child….

Dad:[sings] Keep her safe and harm….

Mom:[sings] And shield her from all harm….

[They both walk to the center of the room with the baby in their arms]

Mom and Dad:[singing]Bless this child, protect her from the storm, till the sun comes up again….Bless this child, fill her dreams with gold…[they carry the baby high up, holding one of each arm of the baby] and make them all come true. Look at us!….we’re a family…[they spin the baby dangerously a few times] one plus one is threeee!

[Melodic music turns into a disco beat]

Mom:[sings] Every fish that’s in the ocean…[wiggles the baby like a fish, passes the baby to the dad]

Dad:[sings]Every angel in the sky….[shakes baby’s arms like wings rapidly]

Mom and Dad:[singing] Every bridge into tomorrow is because of you and I…..[They both grab the baby’s extremities and stretch them like a a bridge] you and I,I,I,I….[Mom and dad make electroboogie dance moves, like a current they pass it through each others bodies including wiggling the baby like a snake] Oh, bless this child! Bless this child![Mom and Dad turn around stretching the baby’s body then they hug crushing the baby with their bodies]

Mom and Dad:[singing. Mom shakes baby with one hand like a maraca] Bless her, bless her, bless her, bless her…[passes the baby to the Dad]Bless this child!, Bless this child!

[Dad throws the baby to the Mom like a football] [Disco beat changes tempo to melodic]

Mom and Dad:[Singing, holding the baby upside down using one feet each as a microphone] Bless this child, till the morning come….and keep her safe from….

[Music tempo changes again to disco beat]

Mom and Dad:[singing, Mom lowers the baby to the floor and uses it like a rope under Dad’s feet. Dad jumps the baby several times.] Bless, bless, bless, bless, bless, bless…bless this….child!

[Mom throws baby to Dad. Dad catches him with the baby basket.] [Music ends]

Dad: You know what, honey? I think its time to move on from a doll to a real baby.

Mom: Well, I wasn’t gonna tell you but the doctor called today.

Dad: What? Woo, hoo, hoo! Come here, you! Oh, ha, ha, ha! I’m gonna be a dad!!

[Dad swings Mom around the room like a rag doll, knocking out the light in two lamps, bangs into the shades, the baby’s crib. He keeps spinning her around out of pure joy.] [Cheers and applause] [fade]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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