SNL Transcripts: Steve Carell: 05/17/08: Bless This Child

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 12

07l: Steve Carell / Usher

Bless This Child

Dad….Steve Carell
Mom….Kristen Wiig

[Opens with a house at night. Its raining heavily. Cut to a child’s bedroom. A couple is looking into their child’s crib.]

Mom: Its raining pretty hard out. I hope she sleeps ok.

Dad: She’ll be fine sweetheart. We’re right here.

Mom: I know, I know. But I just worry.

Dad: Well, you shouldn’t. Hey, you know what I feel will make you better? Why don’t we say a prayer before she goes to sleep?

Mom: Ok.

Dad: Dear Lord, please watch over our little Jenna tonight and um….

Mom: Bless this child.

Dad: Yes, bless this child.

[Melodic music plays. They pick the baby up.]

Mom:[sings]Bless this child….

Dad:[sings] Keep her safe and harm….

Mom:[sings] And shield her from all harm….

[They both walk to the center of the room with the baby in their arms]

Mom and Dad:[singing]Bless this child, protect her from the storm, till the sun comes up again….Bless this child, fill her dreams with gold…[they carry the baby high up, holding one of each arm of the baby] and make them all come true. Look at us!….we’re a family…[they spin the baby dangerously a few times] one plus one is threeee!

[Melodic music turns into a disco beat]

Mom:[sings] Every fish that’s in the ocean…[wiggles the baby like a fish, passes the baby to the dad]

Dad:[sings]Every angel in the sky….[shakes baby’s arms like wings rapidly]

Mom and Dad:[singing] Every bridge into tomorrow is because of you and I…..[They both grab the baby’s extremities and stretch them like a a bridge] you and I,I,I,I….[Mom and dad make electroboogie dance moves, like a current they pass it through each others bodies including wiggling the baby like a snake] Oh, bless this child! Bless this child![Mom and Dad turn around stretching the baby’s body then they hug crushing the baby with their bodies]

Mom and Dad:[singing. Mom shakes baby with one hand like a maraca] Bless her, bless her, bless her, bless her…[passes the baby to the Dad]Bless this child!, Bless this child!

[Dad throws the baby to the Mom like a football] [Disco beat changes tempo to melodic]

Mom and Dad:[Singing, holding the baby upside down using one feet each as a microphone] Bless this child, till the morning come….and keep her safe from….

[Music tempo changes again to disco beat]

Mom and Dad:[singing, Mom lowers the baby to the floor and uses it like a rope under Dad’s feet. Dad jumps the baby several times.] Bless, bless, bless, bless, bless, bless…bless this….child!

[Mom throws baby to Dad. Dad catches him with the baby basket.] [Music ends]

Dad: You know what, honey? I think its time to move on from a doll to a real baby.

Mom: Well, I wasn’t gonna tell you but the doctor called today.

Dad: What? Woo, hoo, hoo! Come here, you! Oh, ha, ha, ha! I’m gonna be a dad!!

[Dad swings Mom around the room like a rag doll, knocking out the light in two lamps, bangs into the shades, the baby’s crib. He keeps spinning her around out of pure joy.] [Cheers and applause] [fade]

Submitted by: Waldo San Miguel

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