SNL Transcripts: Steve Carell: 05/17/08: The Democratic Primariese

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 33: Episode 12

07l: Steve Carell / Usher

The Democratic Primaries

Barack Obama…..Fred Armisen
Hillary Clinton…..Amy Poehler

[ open on split-screen image of Barack Obama’s and Hillary Clinton’s face ]

Together: Democratic Primaries. A race for the nomination. From January to June —

Barack Obama: Ideally, sooner.

Together: — the fate of a party hangs in the balance. From Iowa —

Hillary Clinton: Which was a caucus state, and shouldn’t carry as much weight.

Together: — to California.

Barack Obama: Which any Democrat would carry in the general election, anyway.

Together: From the hope of the future —

Barack Obama: The youth.

Together: — to the backbone of the party.

Hillary Clinton: Hard-working white people!

Together: Now, two candidates remain.

Barack Obama: Only one mathemetically viable.

Hillary Clinton: And it’s anyone’s race.

Together: Both have their assets —

Barack Obama: Charisma.

Hillary Clinton: Ruthless ambition!

Together: — and their liabilities.

Hillary Clinton: [ smiles ] Rev. Jeremiah Wright.

Barack Obama: Bill Clinton.

Together: And they both have their eyes on one prize: the Democratic Nomination.

Hillary Clinton: — in 2012.

Together: It’s not over until all the votes are counted —

Hillary Clinton: Including Michigan and Florida!

Together: — until all the superdelegates have voted —

Barack Obama: An important mandate to the people.

Hillary Clinton: Having made up their minds, independently.

Together: Because, in the end, no matter who wins, we can all stand behind one idea:

Barack Obama: Democracy.

Hillary Clinton: I deserve this!

[ SUPER: “There Can Only Be One” ] [ fade ]

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