Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’90s: Pop Culture Nation
Dana Carvey: I’m on the telephone — to Jon Lovitz — in L.A. — uh — call-waiting — “Uh.. hello?” And it’s just like this: “This is the White House, Operator Number One. Hold for the President.” So I go back to jon Lovitz, I go, “Jon, I got a bigger name on the phone.” He goes, “Who is it?” I go, “Well, it’s the President calling.” “Oh, I see. So I’m not your friend any more?” So, anyway — so then, Goerge Bush, Sr. — with an H — gets on the phone: “Love to have you come out.” So, uh — long story short, I go out there, and there’s the President, the First Lady, and he goes, “Why don’t you do that impression that you do, with me, right here, right now? Love to hear it!” And, I’m like, “God, it’s not very good!” “DO IT!” No, no! [ chuckles ]
Darrell Hammond: It’s difficult to comprehend that, first of all, these people know your name; and, secondly, that they want you to ocme hang out with them. You know, like, I’ve been in the Oval Office. It’s bizarre. It’s just larger than life.
Ana Gasteyer: You know, I was a childhood friend of Amy Carter’s. I grew up in Washington, D.C. And I have a vivid memory of President Carter sitting in the White House living room, watching the impression of himself, and laughing hysterically. And being so aware of “SNL” as, like, this piece of cultural reflection. Like, nobody did that before then.”[ image: Ask President Carter (03/12/77) ]
Blues Traveler performs “Hook”: 09/30/95
Blues Traveler: [ singing ]“Because the hook brings you back
I ain’t tellin’ you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely.”
Steve Koren: I would have to say, the greatest political, sort of, writers that I knew at the time was Al Franken and Jim Downey. And you had these two guys who had written some of the original sketches. So, you really had quite a.. brain trust there ready to write.
Jim Downey: I love it when thesubject matter is politics, and it’s just funny, silly.. an archaic kind of, uh — indiscriminately mean!
Clarence Thomas Hearings: 10/12/91
Sen. Joseph Biden: [Judge Thomas], you did ask Ms. Hill out on a date?
Judge Clarence Thomas: Uh.. yes, I did.
Sen. Joseph Biden: Did you just go right up and ask her? Or did you have one of her friends tell her that you thought she was cute?
Judge Clarence Thomas: I just walked right up and asked her.[ the committee whisper amongst themselves ]
Sen. Edward Kennedy: Were you, uh, drunk at the time?
Michael Shoemaker: I remember Al and Jim, like, as they would look at casts: “He can play a senator. He can play a senator. Sandler? Not so much.” [ laughs ] It’s okay!
The McLaughlin Group: 03/21/92
Announcer: From the nation’s capital, “The McLaughlin Group.”
Ana Gasteyer: It’s the responsibility of the show to be clever about what’s happening in society, whatever that may be. If it’s boring, our job is to make it interesting!
Colin Quinn: Just to take a C-SPAN thing, and actually make it a recurring sketch, was pretty amazing.
The McLaughlin Group: 03/21/92
John McLaughlin: Issue Two!! On a scale of 1 to 10 — 1 being pathetically inadequate, and 10 being painfully inept — how would you rate the Buchanan campaign? Jack Germond-nobody!
Jack Germond: I’d say.. about a 5.
John McLaughlin: WROOONNGG!! Morton Salt — when it rains, it pours!
Morton Kondracke: I’d give it an 8.
John McLaughlin: WROOONNGG!! Patty “Rebuke”-chanan!
Pat Buchanan: Well, John, the campaign isn’t actually over —
John McLaughlin: WROOOOONNNGGG!! It was over weeks ago, you just haven’t been not-i-fied!
Colin Quinn: To this day, I watch “The McLaughlin Group” because of the original “SNL” sketches.
Debate ’92: 10/10/92
Announcer: “Debate ’92: The Challenge to Avoid Saying Something Stupid.”
Al Franken: And, at a certain point, the debate became a tradition.
Jim Downey: The election stuff is – is a godsend. Especially if a lot of people are running.
Debate ’92: 10/10/92
Jane Pauley: Now, let’s meet the candidates. Gentlemen?[ the three candidates enter the arena and stand behind their respective podiums ]
Kevin Nealon: I remember our ratings were particularly high during the election years. People really starting tuning in, and they liked seeing spoofs of different politicians.
Debate ’92: 10/10/92
Sam Donaldson: Governor Clinton, let’s be frank. You’re running forpresident, yet [ jump edit ] the main streets of your capital city, Little Rock, aresomething out of L’il Abner, with buxom underage girls in cutoff denimsprancing around in front of Jethro and Billy Bob, while corncob-pipe-smoking,shotgun-toting grannies fire indiscriminantly at runaway hogs.
Bill Clinton: I’m sorry, Sam, do you have a question?[ jump edit ]
Ross Perot: Why are we talking about Arkansas? Hell,everybody knows that all they got down there is a bunch of ignorant inbredcrackerheads! Peckerwoods, catch me? Now, can we talk about the deficit?While we’ve been jabbering, our deficit has increased by half a milliondollars. That’s enough to buy a still and a new outhouse for every familyin Little Rock!
Bill Clinton: Will you shut up!
Ross Perot: Hold it there, cracker boy, I’m not finished!
George Bush: Now, you see that right there? You see that? It kind of makes you wonder whether these men have the temperament to be president. Would you tell Prime MinisterMajor to shut up? Would you call Boris Yeltsin a “Crackerhead”?
Rob Smigel: By the time the election is coming close, we’ve established which performer is — [ laughs ] playing which character! And then, it’s almost like, you know, an election between those two actors. Because, whoever wins is going to have a gig for the next four years, if he wants it.
Clinton at McDonald’s: 12/05/92
Bill Clinton: Alright, boys, let’s stop in here for a second. I’m a little parched from the fog.
Secret Service Agent #1: Sir, we’ve only been jogging for three blocks. Besides, Mrs. Clinton asked us not to let you in any more fast food places.
Bill Clinton: Well, I just want to mingle with the American people, talk with some real folks — and maybe get a Diet Coke, or something.
Secret Service Agent #1: Fine. But please don’t tell Mrs. Clinton.
Bill Clinton: Jim, let me tell you something — there’s gonna be a whole BUNCH of things we don’t tell Mrs. Clinton!
Lorne Michaels: In the history of the show, I think Democrats are much more surprised when they’re in any way, uh, attacked — or, what they think was an attack — by show business people. I think Republicans aren’t — [ shakes his head ] don’t seem — [ chuckles ] Wait a minute! — To be surprised by it!
A Message From the Former President of the United States: 10/22/94
Announcer: The following is a message from the Former President of the United States.
George Bush: Good evening, my fellow Americans. This is George Bush. I was your president from 1989 to 1993. And, during that time, “Saturday Night Live” made fun of me on a fairly regular basis. Do I have any hard feelings about that? Yes, I do. But I’ll have my revenge, when the time is right. Not now — wouldn’t be prudent at this juncture. But revenge will be mine.
Coming up Next: Season ’92-’93