Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Special: Saturday Night Live in the ’90s: Pop Culture Nation
Gangsta Rap Dance Smashes!: 12/04/93
Richie: Hey, everybody! I know what will REALLY get this party going! [ holds up album ] It’s Jukebox’s collection of Gangsta Rap dance tunes!
Adam McKay: Let’s face it — “SNL” comes from a tradition of, like.. white, snarky, smart-ass comedy. It doesn’t come from that tradition of, like, “Def Comedy Jam.”
[ image: The NFL on Fox: 01/08/94 ]
Jim Downey: You’re never gonna be the voice of Black America, probably.
Black History Month: 02/25/95
[ Ellen Cleghorne and Tim Meadows sit at a desk ]
Ellen Cleghorne: But — on an up note — this marks the first time in the history of “Saturday Night Live” that two African-American cast members have opened the show by saying, in unison…
Both: [enthusiastically put their heads together and shout] Live from New York–!
Chris Farley: [abruptly enters and puts his arms around Ellen and Tim, interrupting] Hey, guys! What’s up?! [audience cheers and applauds for a grinning Farley as Ellen and Tim look glum and upset]
Chris Rock: Their guys would probably rather do a sketch with, you know — about John McLaughlin than Flavor Flav. That’s just — [ laughs ] that’s just — [ laughs ] that’s just, you know, there’s a lot of white guys on this show!
En Vogue performs “Free Your Mind”: 03/21/92
En Vogue: [ singing ]
“Before you can read me, you got to learn how to see me
I said free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don’t be so shallow.
I said free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don’t be so shallow.”
The Dark Side with Nat X: 11/10/90
Nat X: Peace, brothers and sisters, and welcome to the show! I’m your host, Nat X! In the next 15 minutes – that’s right, this is the only 15-minute show on TV. Why? Because the man would never give a brother like me a whole half-hour!
Tina Fey: I think black culture has yet to really — really, really — break out on “SNL.”
[ image: World Series: 10/23/93 ]
Tim Meadows: If you don’t have any other.. African-American writers on the staff, then.. you don’t have anybody who really thinks like you.
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald: 10/01/94
Tim Meadows: I swear to God, there are only a few things that really get to Tim Meadows: racism, sexism and no hockey!
Tim Meadows: I wouldn’t say it’s tougher, but I would say it’s a little tougher. [ laughs ]
[ image: Tim Meadows as Darius Rucker in ABC News Special: 10/21/95 ]
The Ladies Man: 10/04/97
Caller #2: Uh, hello, Ladies Man? Yeah, uh, I’ve been with my girlfriend for a few years now, and we like to have sex and all, but —
Leon Phelps: Hey, that sounds good to me!
Caller #2: It gets kind of boring, so is there any way we can, uh, spice up our love life?
Leon Phelps: Well, yes, uh — there are a number of possibilities that you can pursue. Uh — may I suggest you consider the butt?
Caller #2: [ quickly hangs up the phone, eager to take suggestion ]
Rob Smigel: They’ll hire the one black writer for Chris Rock. You know — “He’ll help Chris!”
2 Live Crew Party: 09/29/90
[ Luther Campbell’s agent pours a drink ]
Agent: A lot of these people don’t know how hard it is to write what you write.
Luther Campbell: [ sighs ] Now, people think you can just throw a “lick-lick” here, and a “bitch-bitch” there — “lick there, bitch, bith, bitch, lick it, bitch!” and get a song!
Fred Wolf: It, maybe, didn’t exploit him, but, really, I feel like it brought him out to an audience that came to understand how funny he was.
[ image: Nikey Turkey: 11/17/90 ]
[ image: Russell Simmons’ Def Magic Show Jam: 03/20/93 ]
Chris Rock: I remember talking to Eddie Murphy when I first got hired, and I wasn’t getting on, and he just kept saying, “You’ve gotta write Update pieces — man, you gotta do that straight-to-camera, man.”
Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 09/26/92
Chris Rock: You know, I hated school. You know why I hated school? Because I was the only black kid in my grade — the whole grade! I felt like Franklin from the Charlie Brown Show. You ever see Franklin? 25 years, not one line! Nothing! 25 years, man. I mean, everybody on Charlie Brown’s got their own little character that’s all thought out. You know, Linus got the blanket.. Lucy’s a bitch.. Schmoly plays the piano.. Peppermint Patty’s a lesbian. You know? Everybody’s got their thing, except Franklin! Give him something! Damn! Give him a Jamaican accent or something! [ speaks in Jamaican accent: ] “C’mon Charlie Brown leave me alone, mon!” I mean, come on!
Macy Gray performs “I Try”: 01/15/00
Macy Gray: [ singing ]
“I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But we’re not
I play it off, but I’m dreaming of you
I’ll keep my cool but I’m feenin’.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near.”
Steve Koren: You know, the 90’s was interesting because I think it’s the first time when the show was dominated by former stand-up comedians.
Chris Kattan: Sandler was stand-up, and Spade was stand-up, and it was like a stand-up element. And, uh, Norm — Norm MacDonald was a stand-up.
[ image: Larry King’s News & Views ]
Norm MacDonald: Like, the first season I would just talk straight into the camera, ’cause I knew I — I knew I always knew how to talk into cameras. As you can see. [ laughs ]
Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 10/09/93
Norm MacDonald: I was thinking about it the other day, and I realized that what scares me most about going in prison isn’t the loss of freedom or the, uh, stigma, or even the separation from family. For me, the scariest thing about going to prison is, uh — you know, it’s the, uh — you know, the, uh — [ pause ] anal rape! [ waits for the audience to appreciate the joke ]
Jimmy Fallon: [ smiling ] At the time, I was like — no, he’s so good! [ laughs ] The dude is so confident with that great joke, that he’s just going to sit there until people finally get it, and process it, and go: [ exhales ] and just laugh.
David Spade: Stand-ups are good at writing stand-up, but it’s so different. I mean, basically, I would do Weekend Update — and i’d just do my act.
Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 05/07/93
David Spade: By the way, when you’re at a show and the band says, “Here’s something from our new album, why don’t they just say, “Everyone, get up and go to the bathroom.”
David Spade: And then, when I tried to write Hollywood Minute, people said, “You know, you always read these magazines and talk out loud at the writer’s table about this celebrity, or this, or you just kinda make fun of them — try that.” So I put it together, did it at read-through, it killed, and Lorne’s, like, “You found your voice. Love it.”
Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 12/04/93
David Spade: Macauley Culkin! Hi. First of all, your dad’s nuts. Secondly, let me tell you something, kid: you’re cute, you’ve got blonde hair, everyone loves you, it’s true. Here’s the catch: I used to look exactly like you when I was ten! Alright? Oh, yeah! [ softly ] Oh, yeah. this is where you’re headed, buddy! Welcome to Hell!
Kevin Nealon: I think you’ll see a lot of stand-ups are more comfortable doing Weekend Update features. Someone like Adam Sandler, or Chris Rock.
Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald: 02/18/95
Opera Man: [ pictured: Brad Pitt ]
“Brad Pitt sexiest
“People” wrote-o
Operaman say
Recount the vote-o!”
Michael Shoemaker: Adam redefined what it was like to be a cast member, ’cause he didn’t have to be in sketches with people. Adam would score on Adam’s terms.
[ image: Iraqi Pete: 02/16/91 ]
[ image: Caracci’s Pizza: 10/03/92 ]
[ image: Sleepy Head on Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 03/13/93 ]
Tom Davis: His style of — of comedy was doing these funny, wimpy characters that — that Lorne didn’t get for a while, ’cause he’d read these things at read-through that didn’t seem to be about anything, and there was no jokes, there was just these: [ imitates Adam Sandler ]
[ image: Hitting on Women: 04/11/92 ]
[ image: Office Thanksgiving Party: 11/21/92 ]
[ image: French Class: 02/13/93 ]
But, then, Lorne saw it, and put him on Update with his guitar —
Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 02/13/93
Adam Sandler: [ singing ]
“My mom bought you when I was just thirteen,
the brightest red sweatshirt I ever seen.
She got an extra large so I wouldn’t grow out,
“That’s too big for you!” the other kids would shout.
But we stuck together, we didn’t quit,
and now the children say, “What a perfect fit.” ”
Kevin Nealon: We played off each other well, because Sandler would do this crazy, absurd character, like, you know — the Halloween guy, or Opera Man, or Cajun Man — it usually ended with “Man”!And, uh — and I would play the straight, uh, news anchor.
Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 02/13/93
Adam Sandler: Kevin, please help me out.
[ singing ]
“I love you sweeeeatshirt!”
Kevin Nealon: “Red hooded.”
Adam Sandler: “Sweeeeatshirt!”
Kevin Nealon: “Dip, dip, dip.”
Adam Sandler: “Sweeeeatshirt!”
Kevin Nealon: “Shama lama ding dong.”
Adam Sandler: “Sweeeeatshirt!”
Rob Smigel: It was incredibly subversive because his material appeared to be, you know, borderline retarded — [ laughs ] to one section of the audience, because of the subject matter. But, he was doing some of the most inventive stuff that had EVER been done on the show. He was really deconstructing sketch comedy.
Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon: 10/30/93
Adam Sandler: [ holding a pickle under his nose ] “I’m Crazy Pickle Moustache!”
Rob Smigel: He was kind of exposing character premises, for what they were — which were, you know, naked gimmicks.. that we used to.. make money not having to lift things. [ laughs ]
Michael Shoemaker: By the time we got to the 90’s, these were all pretty original types.
The Dogs: 12/05/92
The Dogs: [ singing ]
“But I’m baa-aa-aad!
Bad bad baa-aa-aad!
Bad bad baa-aa-aad!”
Michael Shoemaker: Now, every couple of years we maybe get another Sandler. But, there wasn’t one like him then.
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